Stupid things ppl tell you...

[nicola smith]

My personal favorite comment is "at least they caught it early". I know this was already mentioned, butit gets me every time. Yeah, if you consider stage iv early. Then when I try to explain, no one wants to listen. You can see them tuning out. I guess it's too much to thinkthat someone at my age in good Heath is facing this disease.

Carmen

THIS!!! I get this all the time, and it makes me crazy.

even my beloved sister said this. I know it's not Stage 4 but I don't consider 3b to be 'early'.

[lauragb]

I've heard so many of these things. I do get weary of the diet, vitamin, supplement, positive thinking advice from people who haven't had cancer.

laura

[mymom]

I have gotten that as well with my mom. They do it when you are pregnant - pregnancy horror stories as well. Now times that by 1000 if you have cancer. I have always made a conscious effort to not do that to people. People I think are just idiots some times.

[jlmrn]

Unfortunately I can concur with and add to this list!! And both of these came from nurses... TRUE STORY!!

Immediate postop night after confirming suspected liver mets, the nurse asked me to leave, I actually was getting ready to go but actually had allowed his family to visit so i just wanted a few minutes alone with my husband... The visiting hours were posted as 24 hours a day... when I asked her this she said.. "Well he's not dying!!" Seriously???

And a few weeks ago at chemo, DH was telling the oncology nurse about our upcoming vacation, and he was just hoping for some good news... She said "U never know, u could b one of the lucky ones..." Are you kidding me??? UGH!!!

Being a nurse myself I guess I'm a little more sensitive...but filter PLEASE!!!

[dianne052506]

First major stupid thing - My baby sister, in our first conversation after my dx, "That's what you get for not eating your veggies!"

Second major stupid thing - Only a week post diagnosis, I was at my daughter's last Girl Scout meeting for the year with awards presentation and reception. Another mom literally chased me around the room telling me about every single person she knew who had died of cancer. I was still too much in shock to tell her to F off.

Third major stupid thing - two weeks after the colon resection and port insertion, I had to go in for an ultrasound because my shoulder and neck were so sore, my doc thought there might be a blood clot. The ultrasound tech, as she was ushering me from the waiting room into her area, "So what are you here for? (way too damn perky to be dealing with people in pain). I explained I had recently had a Port-a-Cath inserted. Miss Perky: "A Port? What's that for?" I answered that it was for chemotherapy.
Little Miss-Way-too-perky: "Oh, you have cancer?" My husband just nailed her. "No, she just likes the stuff, and wants to be able to mainline it."

Fourth bizarre, insensitive thing: In the CT waiting room, and other lady had her drink. Stranger: "Do you have cancer?" Me: "Yes." Stranger: "What kind?" Me: "Colon Cancer." Stranger: "I had that too, but God cured ME!"
Okay, maybe, I just heard the emphasis on ME, but what exactly was I supposed to say to that? "God just doesn't like me enough to cure me?" I said, "Congratulations." Got up, found the technician, and told her I was going to throw up could she please find me a private area, away from the other person.

But still my favorite is when someone says, "Well, you look good." I think looking good is supposed to be consolation for being sick as a dog most of the time.
Dianne

[CRguy]

At the risk of either being insensitive or obnoxious.... I am sure guilty of both on many occasions !!
...AND I have not had the opportunity to read all of the prior posts ...but then again... BTDT since I joined in 2008.
The only thing which worked for me, in the heat of the moment, was something I learned in a "Verbal Self Defence" course.

Regardless of how egregious, insensitive, ignorant ... and brain dead Effing STUPID something is that someone says to me..... I accept that for THEM, at that instant, it was true for them. Yada yada yada whatever. I may not agree, accept or want to weigh in on their stupidity ... but for them it is the best they can do right now.

I accept that is their reality and I MOVE ON...we don't be suffering fools lightly here on the CClub and folks who cannot support us -> do not exist....JMO.

The UNIVERSE pisses in everyone's Cheerios once in a while.
Somebody ALWAYS leaves the gate open at the STUPID Farm.... and the inmates get out.

I can NOT control whatever other bizarre influences infect the great unwashed.
I CAN control how I react and how it affects ME !

End rant / vent....but I know how I used to get so pissed off in the past, just not my thing now.
I need to focus on ME...not them. If a good friend is being an asshole,
say "you are being an asshole.... here's what I NEED from you to support me ..."
If it is NOT a good friend ...WTF ? who cares.. tell them to go "reproduce elsewhere"

JMO, trust me BTDT..many, many , many times.. on many forums...for many years....yes I know I need a real life !
CRguy

[pollo65]

In reiterating most of the "I know 20 people who have died of YOUR cancer" crap that I get more than any other stupid thing., I really want to know the psychology behind needing to tell me that aunt ida and aunt so and so died from your cancer. It just makes me fall silent, shrug and feel like poop. Just never know what to say so thanks to y'all for some good come backs.
pollo 65

[southernkiwi]

My favourite? The truly lovely facilitator at my first cancer support group meeting apologising for mis-spelling my name: "There is NOTHING worse than someone getting your name wrong." Well, actually there is.

[JennyB]

My favorite was when, soon after Scott was diagnosed, I was out to lunch with my mom and a friend and her mom. My friend's mom has Celiac disease, and REVELS in it. She actually said to me, "You have NO idea what it's like to struggle with Celiac." Yes, I'm not the one with cancer, but I'm sure my husband would trade places with you in a second. Another friend told me one time that my husband was lucky because he "only" had colitis, while her husband had crohns. I said, "you know that Scott has cancer, right?"

Right now, my dad is in home hospice for pancreatic cancer and does not have much time left. My parents' neighbors, whom they barely know, dropped off some new-agey mumbo jumbo book about how to cure diseases. My mom wrote a polite note saying thank you for thinking of us, I only had time to skim it, and put it on their doorstep. The next morning, it was back on my parents' doorstep!

[Badass]

When people start telling their "someone I know with cancer" stories, I always interrupt and say, "if this doesn't have a happy ending, I don't want to hear it." Helps redirect them right away. This was especially true when I was first diagnosed and scared shxt-less.

[missjv]

my p a at my regular doctors office proceeded to tell me her whole story of her sister in law who died 20 years ago from colon cancer and i should not get used to the fact that i feel great because it will catch up with me and kill me one day. i was like wtf? really why are you telling me this? lol i just blew her off and told her yeah i could get hit by a bus too so what's your point. some people just don't think before they speak.


missjv

[nicola smith]

The kind of idiocy and (often unintended) insensitivity shown by the above remarks is probably the main reason I decided not to share the fact that I had cancer with any but my very immediate family. Even so, I did get a couple

[Rockovage]

I guy that I`ve known since I was in a teenager, who`s not the sharpest tool in the shed when I told him I had rectal cancer he says all surprised ' How the hell did you get that isn`t that a gay / AIDS disease " ?

I think I`m heterosexual , I`ve been happily married 18 years

[concernedrelative]

While my wife was getting scoped once, I struck up a conversation with the nurse at the desk since she was in our colonscopy suite two years prior the day my wife was 1st diagnosed. She told me she thought it worthwhile to BLEND two of your three meals a day. I.E. regardless of what you cooked for that meal, run it thru the blender and drink it as a shake. Unreal! She said some other things which blew my mind but decorum doesn't allow me to mention on this august list.

[nicola smith]

While my wife was getting scoped once, I struck up a conversation with the nurse at the desk since she was in our colonscopy suite two years prior the day my wife was 1st diagnosed. She told me she thought it worthwhile to BLEND two of your three meals a day. I.E. regardless of what you cooked for that meal, run it thru the blender and drink it as a shake. Unreal! She said some other things which blew my mind but decorum doesn't allow me to mention on this august list.

I'm gagging.