Paul, I'm so sad to hear all that is going on with you, and Sharona, you too. What a nasty, nasty disease.
Things are so different on the board now. I have never experienced this here. I feel like our losses finally reached a critical mass that I am not finding myself able to come back from. I don't mean by that that each individual loss of a friend over the years hasn't been breathtakingly hard and painful...but lately it's just been too much. Somehow it seems that so much of the skeleton of our group is gone. Kathryn, Ashlee, Gwen, dear Marco and on and on and on and on.
There have been some really silly things getting posted and while I'll admit it is likely my mood that makes me hate them, I hate them...I purely love that we have stuff to laugh about sometimes, but the number of irrelevant posts lately has been distracting and causes me to feel so alienated from the board. I know...I don't have to read them, and I don't.
I wish we would hear from Tom. And, I'm worried about Ray.
I miss our voices of wisdom and authority. When I try to reach in to think of something to post, some way to help, I find my fuel guage continues to register "empty". I have not bounced back from my recent hospitalization, and not fully recovered from my post-coma "brain fog". The fact that my brain is atrophying causes me fear and a new distrust of my body.
In two weeks I will reach my 5 year post diagnosis mark. I am so grateful. I never thought it would happen so I never even tried to imagine how I might be at this point if I made it. I'm really in deplorable condition, and if the trajectory continues, it's just one more thing I'll try not to think about.
I love you all.
58 yo Type1 DM 48 years
12/09 Stage IV 2/22 nodes + liver met, colon resec
3 tx FOLFIRI, liver resec 4/10
9/10 6 mos off chemo, Neg PET&CTC CEA nl
2/11 finished total 10 rounds chemo
9/13 ^17th clean PET/CT NED for now