F%@#ing S$*T!!!

[cynnycal]

Alright, just got home from the hospital to have the stitches in my port taken out.
I had the port put in on march 21st. and they tried taking the stitches out twice already but it's not healing up on one side. it keeps pulling apart. so they put more stitches in, and i wait longer.
they say part of it is b/c i'm so thin, there's not alot of extra skin there. plus being a woman, the breast tissue makes it push up a little more. plus immediately getting chemo through it, making it less likely to heal.
so i went back in, and i'ts not infected or anything but it's just not healing.
so i have to go in tomorrow for them to take the port out all together!!!
fuuuuuccking shit (sorry, i try to sensor but i'm really pissed)
i have to get it taken out, and they're not going to put it back in right away, and i still have three more treatments. not to mention an additional 6 after surgery.
treatments i have to get in teh hospital nonetheless. and i have to get it through a PIC line now?!?!?!?!
life just isn't fucking fair at ALL

Have any of you guys had problems with ports? or had treatments through PIC lines?

[michele]

I have not had chemo through a PICC line, but I did have to have one after my surgery. I couldn't seem to keep an IV line without it blowing. So, they put the PICC in. I was awake, but they numbed the area. It really was not bad at all and the radiologist said that a number of people used that for their chemo. I had to have mine removed before I went home (believe me I asked to keep it in if I could avoid another procedure for th port), but my wound was not healing and they didn't want it to be in place without being used for 6 weeks or more.

I am so sorry you are having such a time. I was so frustrated with my surgical wound not healing well. But, it finally did. It is okay to let all those feelings out. But, hopefully, the PICC will go well for you.

michele

[blanca]

I am sorry to hear about your troubles. Having a port can be painful. Even now it hurts for me and I have had it in since August. Plus not to mention that it is so noticeable, i felt disgusted the first few times I looked at it.

[cynnycal]

okay, i've calmed down a bit more....still upset, but i'm trying to view it in a different light.
i have only had it since march, but i was fond of calling it my third nipple, and was even thinking about giving it a name. like Henry. or Bob. heheheh...

it hasn't caused me any pain really...even now it's not inflammed or infected or red or hurting. it just won't heal right.

i'm mad b/c it really did make being in the hospital not so bad. b/c at least i had freedom of movement while hooked up to that stupid IV pole.

i'm not gonna have it put back in anytime soon, b/c i have one more normal treatment (though without the Avastin b/c i'm also going to have one of my ovaries clipped up so the radiation might miss it and i can NOT go into menopause after) and then i have one more but it'll be my first one with radiation, and that'll be it...then i do the rest of the five weeks of radiation, get some more scans and see if the chemo has done what they wanted it to do. if it has, i go to surgery...if it hasn't, i get more chemo.
so if i go on to surgery, they might put the port back in at the time of surgery.
but if i have to get more chemo, i dunno if i'll get it put back in then or what.
so i'll be port-free for a little bit. a breather from the port, if you will.

it all still sucks ass. and i'm still pissed about it.
but, as i'm fond of saying these days...what can i do?

[Edward]

Hi Becca,

I also had port problems. They needed to draw blood from my port in order to start treatment. This was usually a very difficult process. I would lie upside down and all. It got to a point where I would have my blood drawn from my arm to check my counts.

By reading some of your other posts including this one, I did see alot anger. No matter what age this disease comes knocking at your door, we all feel some sort of anger. Your anger comes from being young and just starting out and having a whole life ahead of you. Mine came from building a new home and being diagosed months later at age 36. I believe the over 50 crowd have children starting out on their own, new grandchildren, and starting a new life of retirement. The great thing is we are all looking at tomorrow. Because treatment is such a slow process of medicine administation, testing and results, the process is so slow. We fail to realize that our life is ALWAYS changing.

We live in era advanced medicine and treatments. Sometimes we discount tomorrow when we talk about out condition being permanent. If you look at today's current events, the Iraq War is producing female amputees. I believe Tammy Duckworth is running for Congress near your area(Google her). We may want to look at their fortitude how they continue fight on.

As for me, I added the 11th commandment. There are no guarantees, life life to the fullest.

[cynnycal]

Thanks edward...yes, i'm angry alot. i'm frustrated alot. but most the time i just take things as they come. and am pretty laidback as a whole. but sometimes...just sometimes it all just gets to me.

so an update, went to the hospital today fully expecting the port to be taken out, but they brought a wound care specialist in and she looked at it and decided they can put some silver stuff on it (forgot the exact name, it's silver and kinda fuzzy). it's packed in lightly in the area that wasn't coming together, and it draws out all the 'bad stuff' that could be in there, and it moistens the seperated edges to try and allow them to be sutured together again later.
so keeping my fingers crossed that this works. need to change the dressing twice a day for awhile and see how it progresses.
lucky thing for me, the wound care nurse is also an ostomy nurse...so when i go back on friday i'm going to start grilling her on ostomy stuff. since that is impending for me too.

so, not as bad as i thought today. i still have my port. and still some hope to be able to keep it.

whew.