I completely understand. When they told me I'd have to have an ileostomy I completely fell apart. I could handle cancer, I couldn't handle a poop bag. So here's what got me through it.
#1 - Find a GOOD ostomy nurse. They're called WOCN (Wound and Ostomy Care Nurse). A GOOD ostomy nurse is worth his/her weight in gold. Mine met with me weekly leading up to my surgery and aside from teaching me the technical aspects of how to change the bag, find a bag that fits, marked me for surgery, etc. - more importantly she helped me emotionally. She let me cry and grieve and fall apart. And she helped me through it.
#2 - Share your fears with your spouse and a few close friends. I felt like I was going to be a freak. A good friend of mine at the time said "Belle, you know what, we're all freaks. I have holes in the side of neck that leak." I know - WTF huh! Anyway - as I shared my fears with my close friends, they reassured me that ostomy or not, they loved and cared about me. I remember one time after I had my ileostomy I met a group of friends for breakfast at a restaurant. As soon as I sat down I felt it - that warm wet feeling of a leak. Oh crap. My bag of supplies was in my car.......a block away. I asked a friend if she'd mind getting it for me. She didn't even blink an eye - just grabbed the keys and headed out the door. When she returned, I took the supplies, which included clean underwear/pants, and went into the bathroom to clean up. It wasn't fun - or easy - or simple - but I did it, washed up, and went out to finish breakfast.
#3 - Remind yourself that temporary or permanent - this is something you have to do to survive. Survive - period.
#4 - Connect with other ostomates. Here's a link to the UOAA board. Wonderful people here living full and productive lives - with ostomy's. https://www.ostomy.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=2
If you are so inclined, here are the links to "The Colostomy Conundrum" - a 3 part series I wrote for The Colon Club blog a few months back. As for me, my reversal didn't work and I opted for a permanent colostomy. Would I prefer to not have an ostomy? Of course! No one WANTS an ostomy. But I've learned to accept mine and after all I've been through - to appreciate it. Yup, I can honestly say I'm GLAD I have an ostomy. But I went through a hell of a lot to get to this point. You CAN adjust to life with an ostomy and life CAN be good with an ostomy - I promise. This past year we took a lot of trips - D.C., Napa Valley, Kansas City, Hawaii, Crater Lake, the Oregon Coast/CA Redwoods and 2 camping trips. All good - all with my ostomy. We took the kids to a weekend at Great Wolf Lodge and I went down EVERY slide there - me and my ostomy. I volunteer in my kids classes once a week. If the ostomy farts - heck, blame it on the kids - I do!
As for leaks, I rarely have them. The incident in the restaurant was the worst and even that wasn't bad. http://www.colonclub.com/2012/06/the-co ... rt-1-of-3/http://www.colonclub.com/2012/06/the-co ... um-part-2/http://www.colonclub.com/2012/06/the-co ... 93-part-3/