Final Update

[fourkids]

I got so much from this forum and will continue to give back knowledge wherever I can. I have been on the "bleeding" edge of technology to fight this disease but my wife's cancer was a steam train that would not stop. However, I do know from our journey that things are changing daily and massive advances are on the horizon, just not in time for my wife.

My beautiful wife struggled since feb diagnosis, enduring numerous chemo protocols, suffered cardiac issues and hospitalized a number of times. We met over a decade ago and were married for 10 years. I met her on a bridge in central park, she was taking a photo and then asked me to take one of her. We lived at opposites sides of the globe, but somehow I asked her to marry me after spending 6 days with her ! We now have 4 little kids 7,4 and 20 month old twins. The irony is that before all this happened she was an oncology nurse caring for others. I searched far and wide and continue to think "out of the box", on how I could help her through this. We spent thousands on second opinions, genetic testing, naturopathic medicine and still we couldn't seem to catch a break.

In recognition of all the stories I've read, below is a final update I sent out to some friends and I thought I would share it ....

Under normal circumstances writing updates of our journey, allow us to overcome the grief of setbacks and regroup to focus on the positive. Unfortunately, our circumstances now are far from normal and there is very little to regroup from. There is no easy way to write this news, but my beautiful wife died yesterday, 4th December 2012 at 5pm. She was surrounded by her family and her close friends in the last few days of her life. Thankfully we managed to keep her at home until this morning and all of our children connected with her in some way last night. I’m comforted to know this was the best possible way we could say goodbye.

The previous two months have been extremely difficult. There are a lot of details, which at this stage seem inconsequential given the gravity of the news. On reflection the most important fact is that she fought so hard to be here for the children and myself. Even when the grief from those around her was painfully visible, she selflessly provided comforting words. Through all of her confusion and pain, she still found the ability to interact and engage the children, in a way only she could. Finding ways to see through the “fog” and break out a “funny face” for the twins, or provide a loving smile for the older ones. She was the most amazing person I could have ever hoped to meet and I was blessed to have her in my life.

Thoughts of the future are admittedly overwhelming at this stage, but certain things have become very clear and simple. I believe our children will want and need as much information about their mother as possible in their later years. The majority of this will come through our extended family and as any father would do, I will provide an enduring legacy of their mother’s love for them. Although my heart is heavy, the weight is lightened knowing that everyone around us will help us to collect ourselves and move forward.

[some]

I am so devastated to hear of your wife's passing. I've seen you post here a few times.

Your words about her are beautiful and I am so sorry for your loss and what your children will miss without their mother. I hope that as you go forward you can find peace and comfort. I try to go by faith but I can't make sense of such a loss. There is no reason to it. Please hold your four babies tight as they will be your greatest comfort and the most beautiful memory of your wife.

Sincere condolences.

Serena

[so-scared]

I am so sorry that you lost your wife. It always makes me sad but even more so when they are so young. Then on top of that you have such young children. My heart truly goes out to you!

I loved your story about how you met. What a love story the two of you had! I wish there was something that I could say to ease your pain. My sincere condolences go out to you and your young family.

[fritts44]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you're going through, and 4 young children would be extremely difficult for anyone. I hope you have a great support system to help, and I'll be praying for you & those precious children. Your story is just heartbreaking & I'm so, so sorry!

[Laurettas]

No words can adequately express the deep sorrow I have from reading your story. Your children losing their mother while so young and your marriage ending after ten short years.....I truly don't know what to say other than I am so very sorry.

[WorriedWife]

My heart goes out to you. I am very saddened to read the news of your beautiful young wife. May you somehow have the strength to move forward after this tragedy to raise your four children. I just cannot even imagine the pain you are enduring. I knew nothing about cancer until June 25th and I must say I hate it more and more as the days go on. How dare it ruin so many lives like this. I am just heartbroken. I am so terribly sorry.

[weisssoccermom]

I so wish I had knew the right words to say that would take all of the pain and suffering away. My heart just breaks for you and your children and what you all are going through right now. Keep your wife's memory alive for your children both in their minds but in their hearts as well. While right now the tears flow, there will come a day when those tears are replaced by a smile and a twinkle in your eye when you think about your wife. Her memory truly does live on - in the faces and eyes of your children. Take care of them and take care of yourself as well....they need YOU now more than ever!

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jaynee

[rosa01]

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to your wife passing. I pray that God helps you with raising your beautiful children. Your story about how you meet was so special it brought tears to my eyes. Each time you hold them you will have memory's of her wonderful smile and loving heart.

God Bless

Sheila

[prtza]

Sincerest condolences to you and your family.

[Georgie]

My strongest sympathies for you, your children and your families. Such a devastating end to her gallant fight. You so eloquently phrased her final days in your post, I am sure her presence will remain with you and your children for many years to come, through your love, stories and support for each other. I am sure however, that even though your time together on this earth has been cut short that you packed many many more years of love into your short ten years.

You are all in my thoughts.

Georgie

[hopeful]

I am so sorry and saddened to hear this. May she rest in peace.

[Maia]

So deeply sorry for your loss.

[janklo]

This makes me so sad to hear. A mother of four little children, a beloved wife and a nurse. Why does someone like that have to get cancer!? The only peace I know is that she is no longer suffering from pain or treatments. I know she will make her presence known in those precious children's lives. May god bless her soul.

[Natty]

Hold on to those precious and beautiful memories of your wife..let no one tell you otherwise..pass them on to your children so they will know that daddy had a wonderful wife and they had a beautiful mother.

When you are lonely go where she would go and feel her always surrounding you and her family..take good care of your children and yourself.

My prayers are with you.



Natty

[cashmere]

I am so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you are surrounded by loving and supportive family and friends. Hold on to that, they will be your lifeline.