What the heck is happening here?

[lepperl]

Dear Everyone,

I have been in and out the past three weeks because of a few bumps in the road with my kidneys. But I am back and I am shocked. For heaven sakes why are so many people fighting with eachother. I credit this site with lighting a fire under my butt and getting me back on track. This has always been a safe place for me to come and get great advice. I will be devistated if this changes. I am going to through my two cents in here because I am a fat mouth and I just can't stop myself.

Let me be the first to admit I too misunderstood what someone said to me and I am ashamed of myself. They were trying to help me start a thread and I took it all wrong. I was having a bad day and what they said just rubbed me the wrong way. I wish I was thinking clearly that day because in hindsight it was me who was wrong and I am truely sorry. I deleated this persons PM to before I even read it and I wish I wouldn't have. I don't even remember which moderator it was. If I did I could apologize personally.

This is just an example of how dumb things can get out of control. We are all emotional and we need to give eachother some understanding.

I think I am a fairly knowledgable person. I am a registered nurse with a college degree and was working on my PhD before this cancer crap took over my life. But the one thing I can't do is spell. Does this mean someone here will judge me? I am also fairly new only being on here for a few months. Does this mean my opinions don't really count? I know how to do great research but I still google some things. Does this make me dumb? In the beginning I relied souly on conventional medicine and when it failed turned to mixing complimentary treatments with conventional medicine. Does this mean I am now nuts? I know I am dying but try to be positive and live the life I have left. Does this mean I am a fool living in fantacy land?

The bottom line is no one has the right to judge anyone. I hope people will still come to me. PM if you feel the need. I will not judge you and am very happy to both give and recieve advice. I hope no-one will leave this site in anger. It would be like cutting your nose off despite your face. The only person you will be hurting is yourself. If you don't like what someones says or post don't read it. And speak for yourself, not everyone here. I am going to get flack for this but I can't help myself so here it goes. Members should not tell someone there post should not be posted because it came from google. Especially if they are not a moderator. I thought the rules were that people should not ask for money or give medical advice. Who cares if someone post something from google. If you don't like it don't read it. But some of us may want to read it so don't try to stop it either. I also don't hold it against you. I have said things I wish I could take back none of us are perfect. This vote me off the island thread is crazy. The person who wants voted off gives great advice and I would hate to lose her but the bottom line if you want to go then go. Why is everone even debating this. We are all adults. Make your own decision. Lets please go back to helping eachother and not fighting over nonsense.

PS--Do people here really have "foe" list? Is this the first grade?
Lori

[michelle c]

I know! It's crazy at the moment. I woke up this morning and the first thread I read was one about a post RIP. I didn't see it but it seems that this one has been deleted too, thank goodness! I could not believe what I was reading, such hatred! Not a nice way to start the day. I used to feel safe coming here, now I really want to give it a wide berth. I know that there are going to be disagreements but the words and tone used was very upsetting. I'm glad the thread was deleted.

[Lara239]

I could not agree more with everything you just said! I love this board SO much. Everyone here has given me so much knowledge, answered questions, supported me during anxiety attacks, help prepare me for what was to come, made me laugh, and comforted me in times of stress. It is my safe place.
I also agree with you that if somebody "'googles" something they find interesting and posts it, it is not a big deal. So be it if there are some people on this board that like to look into something other than conventional treatment. There are no miracle cures, everyone knows that...but there ARE sometimes interesting articles on the internet about things that can help or be complimentary with cancer treatments. It is also fun to discuss these things sometimes and dont think all topics like that should just be automatically shut down. Anyway, great post, so thank you!

[NWgirl]

None of this should be all that surprising - seriously. Go to any internet group or group of any sort, and from time to time, people will clash. It's probably more noticable on groups like this as postings can be done somewhat anonymously - behind our screens and key pads. I've been here almost 5 years now. These things happen and ultimately they all blow over. People come, people go, some people stay, some people don't. Other groups I lurk on but don't participate actively with - same thing happens. We're people and none of us are perfect. Sometimes we all need to take a step back, count to ten, whatever works - and ultimately decide if it is in our own best interest to participate in the group - or not. As for me, as I said, I've been here almost 5 years and I still find it to my advantage to be a part of this group. Silly fights and all. God willing I'll be here another 5 years. I still think this is the most amazing group of people I've ever met and will likely continue to hold this opinion. Silly fights and all.

[Fede]

Hi Lori,

A lot of questions, well I was out some weeks ago too, I came back and we are all trying to do the best, I am not specialist to see the fights or counterpoints between us, I have a lot of counterpoints with Gaelen, sometimes with Ashlee, but I have appreciated and learned a lot from Gaelen, inclusive she sent me by P.M. information about cancer stuff when I needed it. fortunately we could solved our differences, the same thing with my mate Ashlee, she thinks in one way, she has a vision of cancer, I respect it. but I did not feel the same thing about a lot of threads, however, I think she is my mate, and if I can help her, I will do it, and if I need a hand I know she will be there.
I meant, this is as a school, could I get excellent relationships with all my mates?? Impossible , always exists more or less afinity...

I am negative a lot of times, I speak hidden things, but the most important thing I do what I feel... that is important, always with respect. we are all here trying to DESTROY THE BEAST, and we are loosing the battle, but WE NEED TO GO ON THE FIGHT...

I have not list, I only have thoughts about my friends, my partners, Lauretta (my sixth sense friend), Sky (and old friend), Bev, Pmterra (my psychologist), juilej, Kathryn, and a lot of more that perhaps, they will hate me now, because I forgot now the name...
But I love my work group, I always feel you are positive it helps a lot, continue please, and remember here the enemy is OUT.

My native language is Spanish, however I always received help despite my poor english, and I can ensure it is difficult for me.

I believe AGAIN THE ENEMY IS OUTTTTTTTTTTTTT.... NOT HERE ....
A kiss for you

Fede

[lepperl]

Thanks so much for the replies. I am glad to see many of you feel the same way. I love this board and it although I was upset to see the current arguments I am encouraged by all of you that it will blow over.

[michelle c]

I love this board too. I guess there are always going to be arguments and disagreements but I have never witnessed such hatred and nastiness which seems to have been deleted now. Let's hope that it just blows over.

[Suze]

Lori, I couldn't agree with you more, esp, the part about not beinging able to spell! (and I have made some boners myself!) Maybe it has to do with phases of the moon, but every once in a while, otherwise sensible people go nuts. It is either entertaining (hand me the popcorn) or upsetting, depending on whose ox is getting gored. It only bothers me when newbies get blown out of the water. The old timers just move on, but the newbies sometimes never come back, and who can blame them? Disagree whenever you want to, but never tell any one they can't say that. Of course they can say that. Otherwise we will just spin around in the same old stuff. Susan

[Slug]

I have been on this site for over a year, and although I do not post much, I am always reading posts and topics
This site has been very helpfule for my wife and I as we have learned so much from the site and the people here

However, the last little while there seems to be a lot of hostilities between some people on here, and am not sure about what. It really is a turn off reading these posts

The site just does not seem as informative as it once was (of course it may be that I have learned a lot already, so only new things catch my eye), or maybe its just all the silly infighting

Either way, I have noticed I come to the site less and less...

[CRguy]

Maybe it has to do with phases of the moon, but every once in a while .....

The universe pisses in everybody's Cheerios...and all hell breaks loose.
......Welcome to "occupy the ColonClub..."

Yes, as NWgirl says many of us have been through it all before, and I for one am damned and determined to be around, if we need to go through it again many times in the future.... because yes, it does all blow over and the good folks stick around.

Case in point : lepperl's opening post in this topic. Takes a lot of courage to move ahead in a positive sense, add value to the forum, kind of reassess your feelings and come back to post here to start a good conversation... AND restart the POSITIVE QUOTES topic to continue what you started.

I salute you, my friend on the Journey. You could have been pissed off, damn the torpedoes..I am outta here and added to the problems here this past week.

You regrouped and pushed ahead with a solution. YOU and lots of the other new members are, and will be exactly why this forum is as valuable as NWgirl says it is. Hey, if being on the CRC Journey was easy....anyone could do it.

Therein lies the true spirit of a ColonClubber : it ain't easy.. and not just anyone will be able to do it.
In Harmony with those who choose that they can.
CRguy

[jacekica]

It is difficult to read those threads, I delete my post, not sure if I was the person who wrote something wrong - considering I am stage I, not english native speaker...... and it felt awquard, we are here with too much on our shoulders (a$$ ) and when something like that happens it is disturbing. If I think something can help someone I will post it, with good intensions... before.... now I am not sure....
so lepperl what you started here is nice and helps, at least helped me!

[BrownBagger]

But the one thing I can't do is spell. Does this mean someone here will judge me?

Well, they better not--at least not publicly.

Thanks for your post, Lori. I think you nailed it. The purpose of this site--Job 1--is to provide support and information to others in need. Beyond that, we can share some life experiences and have a little fun. But when people start intentionally hurting other people's feelings and flaming other members, then we've strayed way beyond our mission and purpose. We've strayed beyond our usefulness.

I understand that what some people view as "useful information," others see as quackery or otherwise dangerous mis-information. That's always going to be the case with a topic as complex and emotionally charged as cancer. But I think we can intelligently discuss our different points of view without getting personal or nasty about it.

Patience, my friends. It's not always easy to express an idea, emotion or observation in a way that everyone will understand it the way you meant it. (That's one reason we have emoticons ). It's even harder because we have members for whom English is not their native tongue, so misunderstandings are inevitable. Not to mention that we're all under varying degrees of unnatural stress and fear. Let's try not to assume the worst about our fellow members. Let's assume everyone is trying to be helpful (in their own way), until it becomes obvious that they're not. And when that happens, we deal with it--administratively if necessary.

[jgall]

All I can say is I think I'm glad I've been too busy to know what the heck has been going on here . I did see a thread or two the other day that looked like it could get charged up, but I tend to disengage from those types of conversations anyway. I figure it's the mods job to manage those.

I agree with you Lori and everyone else on this thread, this place has been a special place for me and many others and I won't let the occasional flare up detract me from coming, checking in, staying as engaged as my hectic life will allow, and connecting with people in similar situations. That's what it's all about, isn't it? We are here to connect with people, we comes here for connection, and for a desire to help and be helped. That, intrinsically, is what I think drives us here and compels us to participate and contribute as we can. It's a great group of people that I've been so thankful for on many occasions...

Namaste, friends.
Julia

[Russian27]

Yeah I was wondering the same thing -what happened? What did I miss? I love you all people!

[weisssoccermom]

Not to go to much further with this....let's just say that we all hope it will stop.
I understand that people are frustrated, angry and scared with their diagnoses and the very real possibility of the unknown.
However, that doesn't give anyone a free card to spew the type of mean sarcasm and sometimes even blatant hatred that many of us have seen in the past few days. I wish I knew why some people tick others off so much that they feel it is acceptable to post the words they do and they go further and even justify being so cruel. I wish I could understand, why, as adults we can't just let things go and move on. We all have bad days, we all have those moments when we read a post and think 'not again'.
Please, don't let things get to you too much. Life is way too short to be having time taken up with these fights and nasty name calling and, contrary to the advice that our parents gave us (and we probably also imparted to our own children), words DO hurt.

Let's start this week on a better note. Please if some particular posters start up again and you feel the content is 'over the top', PLEASE report the post to one of the moderators who WILL take care of it. I 'vote' for a much nicer board where we all get along and are there for each other and help one another through the difficult times.
Jaynee