Curious

[md07020]

I am curious how long it took people to really understand they had cancer? I am not sure I have accepted it yet, I can talk about it as if it were not happening to me. Then all of a sudden I have these moments of reality that seem unreal, am I in some stage of awareness, is this normal or is it different for everyone?

[Cb75]

I think I understood when I was diagnosed, but felt like I was in a mental fog for about three months. I felt somewhat removed and as if I was simply on auto pilot. Then around three months in it really began to sink in and it felt like the fog had lifted. I had a week or spoof depression, and am now coping. I think everyone has some form of coping mechanism to help you through times of crisis. Kind of like a self protection mechanism. It may help to talk to a therapist.

Carmen

[Ashlee H.]

Completely normal feelings. In your case, it is important to understand you HAD cancer. Appears they got it all, and from your signature, doesn't even seem like you had to go through chemo. Don't let it take over your life. They found it, they got rid of it. You had cancer and now you are cured. Could it come back? Sure. Could you break a leg, get diabetes, lose your hearing, get in a car accident, get ALS, etc.? No one knows what tomorrow may bring. A neighbor of mine had cancer and they completely removed it - no chemo, he was cured. Yet, he was having problems dealing with it and going on in with his life. For him, counseling helped him to compartmentalize what he had been dealing with in regarding to a cancer DX.

[soccermom]

In the beginning from my diagnosis to surgery I too felt like I was in a fog. Just going through the motions (blood work, ct scans, dr visits, etc. After my surgery one day in the hospital I really took a good look and just couldn't believe it. But I went on through the chemo for 6 months and I did get through. I finished in June with the treatments and I was doing ok till recently. Everything I have been through just really hit me hard. I am so scared and really can not believe that this has happened to me. I am trying really hard to cope but it does just kind of hit you that wow I had cancer.

[d-it-up]

My realization hit two weeks after I had surgery to remove my tumor (nearly 4 months after diagnosis). I blew through chemo-radiation with no problem, keeping a positive attitude and working full time throughout. Surgery hit me hard, and when I went in for my first post-op, I cried non-stop for 6 hours. At that point the cancer was gone, but I finally realized the magnitude of what I was going through.

My doctor prescribed me some "happy pills" to get me through the rest of my treatments, and I haven't had a break down since that dark time 8 months ago. I go off my "happy pills" in a few weeks now that my treatments are done and I am getting on with my life.

[Ontario Guy]

I'm sort of like d-it-up. I went into chemo-radiation with an adventurous attitude: my team knows what it's doing, I'm informed, I'm upbeat, bring it on! Even when there was a glitch - I was hospitalized for pain management in the aftermath - I was still on a sort of "high". Surgery got the tumour (thanks, doc!) but also brought me down to earth. Cancer isn't Indiana Jones; this is serious stuff. Yes, treatments these days are amazing and I have a great team of experienced and knowledgable doctors, nurses and technicians working for me (not to mention a health care system that works and hardly costs me anything.) But cancer isn't running around for a cure, or pink cement trucks, or teddy bears, or what have you. It is a horrible disease and the treatments are hardly benign, as everyone on this board can tell you.

Sure, keep a positive attitude: cancer can be beaten. And it is an adventure.

But it isn't fun.

Just my $.02

OG

[Guinevere]

It took about 3 or 4 months and then it was like I had this guy in my head screaming, "I have cancer! I have cancer!" Took a little while to shut him up and I do still have cancer but I'm working to get rid of it.
God Bless ~
Guinevere
(Mighty Queen fighting the Beast!)

[Hall0731]

I as well have been diangosed and it has been only 2 months since my diagnosis. I like you have familial adenomeous polyposis or FAP for short. I went from having a colonscopy, ct scan, endoscopy and surgery to remove my entire colon and rectum in a 1 1/2 weeks. It scared the livign !@#$$% out of me. I have two young children, are only 33 and was facing stage 3 with one lymph node affected. You go thru the emotions. Disbelief, sadness, anger, and fear above all. I have looked to my children and husband as strength and trying to push the thoughts of "am I going to be here in 5 years". Your prognosis as a stage 1 is great. You caught it very early. I come on here and read people's stories and it gives me more hope. I read a blog of a person who is battling stage 4 and she is so encouraging for other people. Here blog is www.wunderglo.com I found that information here as well. I try to stay positive for the most part. You will have days that you freak out and that is ok. I would caution you as one FAP to the next FAP to have an endoscopy done to make sure your stomach and deudeum is ok. FAP likes to show up there as well. I am not sure if you have anyone in your area that is specialzes in FAP patients. I know there is one here at MD Anderson . Dr. Lynch is his name.

Hope this helps you out.

Teresa

[md07020]

Completely normal feelings. In your case, it is important to understand you HAD cancer. Appears they got it all, and from your signature, doesn't even seem like you had to go through chemo. Don't let it take over your life. They found it, they got rid of it. You had cancer and now you are cured. Could it come back? Sure. Could you break a leg, get diabetes, lose your hearing, get in a car accident, get ALS, etc.? No one knows what tomorrow may bring. A neighbor of mine had cancer and they completely removed it - no chemo, he was cured. Yet, he was having problems dealing with it and going on in with his life. For him, counseling helped him to compartmentalize what he had been dealing with in regarding to a cancer DX.

I don't know if i'm reading too much into this or not, but without offending anyone and I'm sorry if I do, I need t say:

I understand that I HAD cancer and did not go through chemo, that doesn't make my experience any less traumatic. I also only just had it, and they found more than just one cancer. My genetics put me at risk for skin, stomach, small intestine and thyroid cancer. I have had several noduals removed from my thyroid and they keep growing which is cause for concern. Chemo has been up for debate between the oncologist studying my genetic mutations at one hospital, and the specialist at another, which makes me worry even more. It has taken me while to feel like I have any right to consider myself a survivor, because I have not gone trough chemo. No matter how you look at it, I have been touched by cancer, I have lost my colon, I have lost the ability to conceive another child, I gave my daughter this gene she will have her first colon-oscipy by the time she turns fifteen, and I fear cancer will someday kill me. Do I spend all day worrying about it? No, but it is a valid concern whether I had it or have it and whether I endured Chemo or not. I don't want to be made to feel like my feelings are any less valid than any one else just because, I had cancer and I didn't do chemo. I will not know if I am Cured for another four and half years. Yes, they removed my cancer and my colon so it can't come back there, but they did not remove my mutated genes or the risk associated with them.

[MissM]

Completely normal feelings. In your case, it is important to understand you HAD cancer. Appears they got it all, and from your signature, doesn't even seem like you had to go through chemo. Don't let it take over your life. They found it, they got rid of it. You had cancer and now you are cured. Could it come back? Sure. Could you break a leg, get diabetes, lose your hearing, get in a car accident, get ALS, etc.? No one knows what tomorrow may bring. A neighbor of mine had cancer and they completely removed it - no chemo, he was cured. Yet, he was having problems dealing with it and going on in with his life. For him, counseling helped him to compartmentalize what he had been dealing with in regarding to a cancer DX.

I don't know if i'm reading too much into this or not, but without offending anyone and I'm sorry if I do, I need t say:

I understand that I HAD cancer and did not go through chemo, that doesn't make my experience any less traumatic. I also only just had it, and they found more than just one cancer. My genetics put me at risk for skin, stomach, small intestine and thyroid cancer. I have had several noduals removed from my thyroid and they keep growing which is cause for concern. Chemo has been up for debate between the oncologist studying my genetic mutations at one hospital, and the specialist at another, which makes me worry even more. It has taken me while to feel like I have any right to consider myself a survivor, because I have not gone trough chemo. No matter how you look at it, I have been touched by cancer, I have lost my colon, I have lost the ability to conceive another child, I gave my daughter this gene she will have her first colon-oscipy by the time she turns fifteen, and I fear cancer will someday kill me. Do I spend all day worrying about it? No, but it is a valid concern whether I had it or have it and whether I endured Chemo or not. I don't want to be made to feel like my feelings are any less valid than any one else just because, I had cancer and I didn't do chemo. I will not know if I am Cured for another four and half years. Yes, they removed my cancer and my colon so it can't come back there, but they did not remove my mutated genes or the risk associated with them.

I don't think she meant that in any way to lessen the trauma of your experience. Yes cancer has struck each and everyone in this forum that no one wishes to be in. Many struggle with it even after years of being diagnosed. I'm still struggling with it and in fact have decided very recently to take Zoloft to help deal with it. Ashlee is just saying that what you are experiencing is completely normal but eventually we each find our own individual way to deal with it and that counseling can help. Once cancer comes into your life and personally touches you, eventually it will just be part of your everyday regular thing.... It just takes a moment to sort out all the feelings...

[Rob in PA]

I agree with MissM, I think the point Ashlee was trying to make was by referencing your cancer in the past tense form....and then relating an experience her friend had in which the psychological component of cancer was continuing to be a health issue for him. She was just stressing how important it is for your future health to have a good mindset to go with your good (fingers crossed) prognosis after surgery.

JMHO.

But, back to the original post...yes, I was in a fog for about a month trying to comprehend what happened to me. Zoloft helped me immensely.

Rob

[Nickmark59]

I knew right away what I had and what I had to deal with on other hand my dad walked around for almost a week and kept teling himself I could not have cancer.

[iceis007]

I agree. I don't believe she was trying to lesson your experience, rather trying to make you see a positive within your diagnosis. I, like you, have a genetic disorder - lynch to be more specific. I understand your fears when you relate to having this mutation that willl be with you forever.

However, in both of our cases, we have the fortunate ability of one, knowing what caused our cancer. Many people don't have that knowledge and are often faced with the questions of, "but I never smoked?" "How did this happen I have always eaten healthy?" We have had doctors look at us and say, we know why! We should be thankful for that also for two, because this means we will be followed very closely, and can prevent illness and death in our younger generation of family.

You have experienced something extrememly traumatic, and the fear surrounding your diagnosis and surgery will probably never go away. All any of these posts are trying to do is let you know that we, probably more than anyone, understand all those yuccky feelings you have. We also want to let you know that WE are still here! You have been given a diagnosis, not a death sentence, and all these wonderful colon clubbers will help you see that the more you stick around.

Post when you are angry, or sad, or scared and there will always be someone experienced in that certain feeling to be here to help you out.

A friend of mine kept telling me when I was diagnosed that "I cancer-vive" (I can survive) and I will! And you will too!

I am glad you have found your way over to this amaziing club.

We will all be here to support you when things get scary. Healing from surgery is the easy part. Now, its time to heal your mind! I hope to hear back from you soon