Lessons learned

[Anji]

Lessons learned:
1) Snakes do not care if you spray them with Roundup. They keep on coming....
2) A good pair of channel locks makes me stronger than I ever thought possible.
3) No woman should ever be forced to clean out her own garbage toter. Ever. Period.
4) I will be buying Glad Force Flex trash bags for the rest of my natural life. Don't care what they cost.
5) Larry's body may be at the cemetery, but the essence of Larry is not. Ever.
6) Friends who brave their fear of the dark to tromp through a cemetery with me after dark are priceless. Utterly and completely irreplaceable.
7) God is faithful. Always. He doesn't take away the pain, but He walks with me through it.

It's been 5 weeks since Larry's death. There are times of great sadness, tears and anguish. There have been moments of laughter and light and friends rallying around us. Through all these times, God has been faithful. He has not left me. He is not punishing me. He is walking with me through this valley.

I miss my friends here. I miss Larry. I miss being his caregiver. I miss everything about our cancer journey. Sounds weird, huh?

Continue on, my friends. Fight the brave fight....

Anji

[Guinevere]

Anji,
I'm sure there's more to the channel lock story and would love to read it!
I don't think it's sounds weird that you miss everything about the cancer journey. That became a kind of "normal" for you and Larry for so long.
Just know you're being prayed for and lifted up. Like you, I take comfort that the Lord is walking beside me and will not turn to the right or the left and leave me to walk this path by myself.
God bless ~
Guinevere

[meeko]

"I will never leave you nor fosake you" so glad the Lord is by your side!

[Icesk8tr]

It's good to hear from you Anji. You have been in my thoughts.
Christine

[Dress In Blue Girl]

Angie,
I am so glad you posted. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Your strong faith is a wonderful example. Thank you for posting and I hope you continue to if its good for you. I know a lot of people learned from you and care about your family.
Anita

[NWgirl]

Through all your troubles and pain, you always came through like a ray of sunshine - and you still do. I love the comment about the channel locks. My husband has taught me when you have the right tool for the job, anything can be accomplished.

[CRguy]

......when you have the right tool for the job, anything can be accomplished.

Guess that is why the ColonClub IS such an important part of so many lives, for so many reasons, Belle.
Continuing prayers for you Anji, and your family.
CRguy

[dj2158]

Anji,

You are such a strong woman. So glad you have support around you. My thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

God Bless You,

Donna

[dianne052506]

Anji,
Thanks so much for your post. You brought a smile to my face when I was in tears from another post.
With prayers for you and your family,
Dianne

[Candyys03]

Anji,
It is good to hear from you.
I don't know what a garbage toter is but SNAKE scares me.
Sounds like you've had a very eventful 5 weeks.
It will take time.
You said it yourself-God is Faithful!
We will always be here and there will always be other caregivers seeking advice that you can help when you want.
Praying for you and your family.
God Bless,
Candy

[Bev G]

Beloved Anji,

How wonderful to "hear" your voice. I continue to pray for you and the children daily. You are such a huge part of the "circle of life" here, and I couldn't read your post without thinking of our dear Lisa, who lost her precious Kevin last night, and how your words will soothe and encourage her. I, too, am encouraged, that you are finding your way without your beloved Larry physically at your side. I bet you feel him with you all the time, though. I hope you do.

When I was first diagnosed, one of my very best girlfriends (also a believer) who is a psychiatrist, but one who lives physically very far from me, called me on the phone almost daily for weeks to teach me "guided imagery", a very focused concentration for purposeful relaxation and stress relief. Because I was not fully familiar with it, I told her I absolutely did not agree to, and did not want her to hypnotize me, at all, and she promised she wouldn't. I won't go in to the whole process, except to say that I gradually learned how to get everything out of my head, then to just "be" in the moment, with sort of an empty and peaceful head. About the fourth time I got to this place, while sitting without doing anything in a recliner, I heard this, as clear, as day: "My beloved, I will not forsake you". There was just a momentary "where did THAT come from?" from me. "Hey, wait a minute---I would never refer to myself as "beloved" in my own thoughts (more's the pity, perhaps). SInce that time, it has been so clear to me where the message was from...the Spirit which has lived with me and within me since the diagnosis (well, and for 40 years before). The Spirit who is my great and true comforter. The comforter who I do NOT expect to heal me, but rather to give me the courage and strength to get through whatever comes my way. Through all of it, only once DID I feel forsaken (in the middle of the liver fiasco). With all the energy I had left for the day, I sat up in bed, raised both fists in the air, and yelled (and cursed) "God, where are you now, you (expletive)?" The answer, (I don't believe of my hallucinations) "Right here, beloved, no need to scream, right here". JUST.THAT.

Anji, this is not my thread, I know. But I spend a lot of time wondering how we get through. How did you get through, how did Elissa get through, how did Jess' family get through? And now our Lisa, and so, so, so too many more... and the tragedy, and the slow, slow steps to recovery of it all. The raw pain of it all, the breath-taking agony, that has already been suffered once for us (I don't mean to offend anyone of different beliefs, of course). Where it falls apart, and where is comes back together with perfect grace, or with channel lock pliers?

I love you, Anji. I'm so glad to know that your life is moving forward. It's what's right.

<<<<hugs>>>>

Bev

[Lee]

Anji,

Good to see your post. I think of you and your kids and hope all is doing as well as can be expected. You sound like you have humor and I truly believe humor will carry one farther in life.

Larry will always be inside of you and your kids.

Take care of yourself.

Lee

PS I don't like snakes either.

[Granny]

As I've learned through my illness and belief, healing doesn't always happen on earth. So hard to understand why the best of people die young.
Be very proud of yourself for all that you were for your husband and who you continue to be for yourself and family.
I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate. I pray that you heal with peace and that you will find joy as part of your daily walk!
Granny

[tammylayne]

Thank you for posting Anji!!! I wonder everytime I come on here how you are doing, how you are healing. Part of me thinks....she is doing ok. You have your wonderful faith, your children, and the memories of your lovestory holding you tight.

I hope you come back often, I hope you come "home", to share your wisdom, your stories and advice to those that are here fghting the fight, and those that have not yet found us. I hope you will come here to find peace by helping other caregivers that need comfort that only one caregiver can give to another caregiver. I know I for one miss you. I miss your posts, reading about your family. It didn't matter the message, you always ended up inspiring me.

Anji, I wish your journey had not ended the way it did. I wish your lovestory had lasted forever. But then I think...it will last.....Something that pure, that wonderful will be there,,, Always and forever.....

Take care...be kind to yourself.

[jens22]

Angie it's wonderful to hear from you. I'm so glad to hear that you have this wonderful circle of love surrounding you and the god is walking with you.
My friend who lost her husband learned a lot and learned to farm out a lot. He favorite one was...it's the man's job to kill the bug. ....she just opens the screen and leaves the room.