Lessons learned

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Anji
Posts: 506
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:07 pm
Facebook Username: pray for larry edge
Location: Kentucky

Lessons learned

Postby Anji » Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:37 am

Lessons learned:
1) Snakes do not care if you spray them with Roundup. They keep on coming....
2) A good pair of channel locks makes me stronger than I ever thought possible.
3) No woman should ever be forced to clean out her own garbage toter. Ever. Period.
4) I will be buying Glad Force Flex trash bags for the rest of my natural life. Don't care what they cost.
5) Larry's body may be at the cemetery, but the essence of Larry is not. Ever.
6) Friends who brave their fear of the dark to tromp through a cemetery with me after dark are priceless. Utterly and completely irreplaceable.
7) God is faithful. Always. He doesn't take away the pain, but He walks with me through it.

It's been 5 weeks since Larry's death. There are times of great sadness, tears and anguish. There have been moments of laughter and light and friends rallying around us. Through all these times, God has been faithful. He has not left me. He is not punishing me. He is walking with me through this valley.

I miss my friends here. I miss Larry. I miss being his caregiver. I miss everything about our cancer journey. Sounds weird, huh?

Continue on, my friends. Fight the brave fight....

Anji
Anji
Wife to Larry, Stage IV Colon Cancer, with mets to liver
Diagnosed 1/10 at age 44
Folfiri + Avastin 2/10 to 7/10
Liver resection and ablation 9/10
Numerous mets to lung and liver 1/11
Folfox + Avastin 2/11 to 6/11
Folfiri + Vectibix 6/11 to ???

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Guinevere
Posts: 3358
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:19 pm
Location: NE TX

Re: Lessons learned

Postby Guinevere » Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:41 am

Anji,
I'm sure there's more to the channel lock story and would love to read it! :mrgreen:
I don't think it's sounds weird that you miss everything about the cancer journey. That became a kind of "normal" for you and Larry for so long.
Just know you're being prayed for and lifted up. Like you, I take comfort that the Lord is walking beside me and will not turn to the right or the left and leave me to walk this path by myself.
God bless ~
Guinevere
Hrt atk - Feb 11
CRC4 DX - Apr 11
APR liver rsct, procto - Jul 11
Folfox/Avastin - Sep 11
Xeliri - Nov 11
Iritux - Jun 12
Break - Jan - Mar 13
Iritux - Mar 13
Stivarga - Aug 13
Folfiri - Oct 13
Exhausted treatment options - May 14

meeko
Posts: 603
Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 7:15 pm
Location: Bellingham, Washington

Re: Lessons learned

Postby meeko » Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:45 am

"I will never leave you nor fosake you" so glad the Lord is by your side!
rectal cancer 9/08
LAR 10/1/08
2nd surgery for peritonitis and abcess 10/08/08 w/ temp ileo
stage 2A (t3) N0/16 M0
total of 8 rounds of 5fu/Leucovoran-- 5/09
Reversal and Hysterectomy 10/09/09
Married, 2 daughters
So far ..so Good!

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Icesk8tr
Posts: 1068
Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2011 11:37 am

Re: Lessons learned

Postby Icesk8tr » Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:09 am

It's good to hear from you Anji. You have been in my thoughts.
Christine
Stage IV CC 2010

Dress In Blue Girl
Posts: 171
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 3:14 am
Location: seattle wash

Re: Lessons learned

Postby Dress In Blue Girl » Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:15 am

Angie,
I am so glad you posted. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Your strong faith is a wonderful example. Thank you for posting and I hope you continue to if its good for you. I know a lot of people learned from you and care about your family.
Anita
anita

IV feb 2005 colon resection,
folfori w/avastin,
Aug 2005 liver resection/rfa to get rid of 8 liver tumors
Sept 2005 folfox w/avastin NED!!!!
avastin till Jan 2007
port out July 2007

Be the change you want to see in the world

NWgirl
Posts: 6659
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2008 3:24 am
Facebook Username: Belle Piazza
Location: Battle Ground, Washington

Re: Lessons learned

Postby NWgirl » Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:33 am

Through all your troubles and pain, you always came through like a ray of sunshine - and you still do. I love the comment about the channel locks. My husband has taught me when you have the right tool for the job, anything can be accomplished.
Belle - "Don't Retreat - Reload"DX 10/07 Stage III Rectal
Surgery 11/07; 27 of 38 nodes
Perm Colostomy 8/11
12/10 recurrence lungs & LN's
VATS Jan 2011
Radiation Oct 2013
Chemo for Life
2012 Colondar Model

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CRguy
Posts: 10110
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Lessons learned

Postby CRguy » Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:42 am

NWgirl wrote:......when you have the right tool for the job, anything can be accomplished.

Guess that is why the ColonClub IS such an important part of so many lives, for so many reasons, Belle.
Continuing prayers for you Anji, and your family.
CRguy
Caregiver x 4
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
13 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

dj2158
Posts: 461
Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:42 pm
Location: New York

Re: Lessons learned

Postby dj2158 » Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:13 pm

Anji,

You are such a strong woman. So glad you have support around you. My thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

God Bless You,

Donna
Donna
Dx 10/'07 age 54 3CC Sigmoid 1/25 nodes lap
Folfox 11/'07-4/'08
Vats Lung 7/'09 met
Vats Lung 7/'10 two mets, Irinotecan/Xeloda 9/'10-2/'11
Lung Resec, 3 1/2 rt ribs 4/'12
10-15 spots both lungs & 1.4cm nodule, 7/'12
xeloda & avastin 9/'12

dianne052506
Posts: 1651
Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2008 11:57 pm
Location: North Carolina

Re: Lessons learned

Postby dianne052506 » Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:41 pm

Anji,
Thanks so much for your post. You brought a smile to my face when I was in tears from another post.
With prayers for you and your family,
Dianne
May 06 Stage IV CC: liver,ovarian mets
Oct 07 inoperable lung mets
Feb 08 - Apr'12 chemo
allergic to oxaliplatin, irinotecan
Aug '12-Feb'14 Genentech PD-L1/Avastin trial
Mar '14 -radiation to largest lung nodule
still recovering; looking at trials again

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Candyys03
Posts: 1381
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2008 12:51 am
Facebook Username: Candy Llamas
Location: Riverside,California
Contact:

Re: Lessons learned

Postby Candyys03 » Mon Sep 10, 2012 3:49 pm

Anji,
It is good to hear from you.
I don't know what a garbage toter is but SNAKE scares me. :shock:
Sounds like you've had a very eventful 5 weeks.
It will take time.
You said it yourself-God is Faithful!
We will always be here and there will always be other caregivers seeking advice that you can help when you want.
Praying for you and your family.
God Bless,
Candy
DX8/0642yrIVCCmtsliver
9/06opcol+lymps
07oxy
08livernonop
08iri+erb
1/09opliver
NED11m
12/09lungmts
3/10livermts
NED7m
2/11lungmts
4/11NED3m
5/2Xel
9/26lungop
NED6m
3/12lungmtsirierb
11/27avas+ox
7/13Stivarga
10/28irierb
1/17
caringbridge.orgcandyllamas

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Bev G
Posts: 5856
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 11:19 pm
Facebook Username: Bev Golde
Location: Quechee, VT

Re: Lessons learned

Postby Bev G » Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:16 pm

Beloved Anji,

How wonderful to "hear" your voice. I continue to pray for you and the children daily. You are such a huge part of the "circle of life" here, and I couldn't read your post without thinking of our dear Lisa, who lost her precious Kevin last night, and how your words will soothe and encourage her. I, too, am encouraged, that you are finding your way without your beloved Larry physically at your side. I bet you feel him with you all the time, though. I hope you do.

When I was first diagnosed, one of my very best girlfriends (also a believer) who is a psychiatrist, but one who lives physically very far from me, called me on the phone almost daily for weeks to teach me "guided imagery", a very focused concentration for purposeful relaxation and stress relief. Because I was not fully familiar with it, I told her I absolutely did not agree to, and did not want her to hypnotize me, at all, and she promised she wouldn't. I won't go in to the whole process, except to say that I gradually learned how to get everything out of my head, then to just "be" in the moment, with sort of an empty and peaceful head. About the fourth time I got to this place, while sitting without doing anything in a recliner, I heard this, as clear, as day: "My beloved, I will not forsake you". There was just a momentary "where did THAT come from?" from me. "Hey, wait a minute---I would never refer to myself as "beloved" in my own thoughts (more's the pity, perhaps). SInce that time, it has been so clear to me where the message was from...the Spirit which has lived with me and within me since the diagnosis (well, and for 40 years before). The Spirit who is my great and true comforter. The comforter who I do NOT expect to heal me, but rather to give me the courage and strength to get through whatever comes my way. Through all of it, only once DID I feel forsaken (in the middle of the liver fiasco). With all the energy I had left for the day, I sat up in bed, raised both fists in the air, and yelled (and cursed) "God, where are you now, you (expletive)?" The answer, (I don't believe of my hallucinations) "Right here, beloved, no need to scream, right here". JUST.THAT.

Anji, this is not my thread, I know. But I spend a lot of time wondering how we get through. How did you get through, how did Elissa get through, how did Jess' family get through? And now our Lisa, and so, so, so too many more... and the tragedy, and the slow, slow steps to recovery of it all. The raw pain of it all, the breath-taking agony, that has already been suffered once for us (I don't mean to offend anyone of different beliefs, of course). Where it falls apart, and where is comes back together with perfect grace, or with channel lock pliers?

I love you, Anji. I'm so glad to know that your life is moving forward. It's what's right.

<<<<hugs>>>>

Bev
58 yo Type1 DM 48 years
12/09 Stage IV 2/22 nodes + liver met, colon resec
3 tx FOLFIRI, liver resec 4/10
9/10 6 mos off chemo, Neg PET&CTC CEA nl
2/11 finished total 10 rounds chemo

9/13 ^17th clean PET/CT NED for now

Lee
Posts: 6025
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: Lessons learned

Postby Lee » Mon Sep 10, 2012 5:03 pm

Anji,

Good to see your post. I think of you and your kids and hope all is doing as well as can be expected. You sound like you have humor and I truly believe humor will carry one farther in life.

Larry will always be inside of you and your kids.

Take care of yourself.

Lee

PS I don't like snakes either.
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

Granny
Posts: 345
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2011 10:12 pm

Re: Lessons learned

Postby Granny » Mon Sep 10, 2012 5:42 pm

As I've learned through my illness and belief, healing doesn't always happen on earth. So hard to understand why the best of people die young.
Be very proud of yourself for all that you were for your husband and who you continue to be for yourself and family.
I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate. I pray that you heal with peace and that you will find joy as part of your daily walk!
Granny

tammylayne
Posts: 2177
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:24 am

Re: Lessons learned

Postby tammylayne » Mon Sep 10, 2012 7:14 pm

Thank you for posting Anji!!! I wonder everytime I come on here how you are doing, how you are healing. Part of me thinks....she is doing ok. You have your wonderful faith, your children, and the memories of your lovestory holding you tight.

I hope you come back often, I hope you come "home", to share your wisdom, your stories and advice to those that are here fghting the fight, and those that have not yet found us. I hope you will come here to find peace by helping other caregivers that need comfort that only one caregiver can give to another caregiver. I know I for one miss you. I miss your posts, reading about your family. It didn't matter the message, you always ended up inspiring me.

Anji, I wish your journey had not ended the way it did. I wish your lovestory had lasted forever. But then I think...it will last.....Something that pure, that wonderful will be there,,, Always and forever.....

Take care...be kind to yourself.
51 F
'06 Stage 1 CC,
'10 Stage 3 Rectal

"You never know how strong you are until you have to become your own hero."

jens22
Posts: 1011
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 9:26 am
Facebook Username: jspirio
Location: Long Island, NY

Re: Lessons learned

Postby jens22 » Mon Sep 10, 2012 7:20 pm

Angie it's wonderful to hear from you. I'm so glad to hear that you have this wonderful circle of love surrounding you and the god is walking with you.
My friend who lost her husband learned a lot and learned to farm out a lot. He favorite one was...it's the man's job to kill the bug. ....she just opens the screen and leaves the room.
Colonoscopy 3/10 for ? hemmorrhoid.
Diag Colon Cancer 3 days later
Colon Ressection 3/30/10
Stage 3B 5/14 Nodes positive.
Power Port and 7 months of Chemo
Port removed 11/11
8 negative Cat Scans..... 7 years cancer free and Discharged from Sloane Kett!!
Diag age 47 , now 54 Mom of 3 boys.


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