Need a pep talk...

[KarMel]

I am really starting to get tired of all this.

I will be getting back on chemo tomorrow and I am totally dreading it.
I went off the regorafenib late July, waited two weeks to get restarted, only to be told I no longer qualified. then, it was suggested I try folfiri and Zaltrap. It took a month for my hospital to get Zaltrap, but they finally did.

I have been off all chemo for a month, and while I don't quite feel normal, I don't feel horrible either.
My hair is coming back, nicely. But it wil be gone again in a month.
I have to wear the stupid 5FU pack again, which I utterly hate.
then having to also deal with diarrhea from irinotecan. Immodium and lomotil don't always work for me.

This is very petty but I am soooo tired of people saying I look good. I want to show them all the tumors on my CT. Invite them to cancer clinic to see me hooked up to my port for 5 hours. Come home with me and watch me lay on my couch for hours at a time due to fatigue.

Whine over. Smack me on the side of the head and tell me to be grateful I have an option, at least. I don't care .

[rp1954]

Karin, have you thought seriously about adding some of the nicer complementary-experimental regimes for multiple modulation or targets?

How about favorable lengthy experiences like we've seen with whiteswan etal with various regimens or LuvinLife2 at CSN had adding intravenous vitamin C to her 5FU-irinotecan? There's no need to wait in line either.

[RixInPhx]

What's your favorite cheese with a whine like that??
A sharp cheddar is mine, and it goes nicely with golden delicious apples or even apple pie!!

Just kidding Karin, I know it can all seem kinda pointless.

But if it keeps you here for another few months, and is still doable to you with some enjoyment of life, then IMO it's worth it.

Whine on!
-Rick

[abuttigi]

Karin,

I have NO idea how tough chemotherapy is. From seeing my dad go through it, I can see why you are dreading tomorrow. I wish I had some uplighting words for you, but all I can say is I am seriously so grateful to have met you here. The amount of calm, compassion, and love you have given me has gotten me through the toughest days. So today I throw it all back to you. We are all here for you 100% and are ready to cheer you on. Get a good night's rest and wake up ready to kick those tumors in their hiney's tomorrow!

Love and hugs and happy thoughts!

Angie

[Guinevere]

Whine away, Baby!! You definitely have something to whine about and I'll bring a nice sharp cheese.

Today's the one year anniversary of me starting adjuvant chemo...still on chemo when I thought it was just going to be six weeks and I'd be done. Like you, that hasn't been my lot so I can definitely understand the whine, especially if folfox is involved! Hate that stuff!

Do something nice for yourself tonight. You sound like you need it and you definitely deserve it.

God bless ~
Guinevere

[NWgirl]

This is the place to whine. I hate chemo. I do it, but I hate it.

I understand being tired of people telling you how good you look. If one more person tells me I look good with a buzz cut I think I'm going to smack them.

So grab a good cheddar, and some apple slices as Rick suggested, and whine away before the chemo hits your taste buds!

[fritts44]

I think that you're entitled to a little whine, especially with how long you've been dealing with all this crap. I think it's mentally healthy to give yourself a little pity party every now & again. If you have any guilt around the self-pity, maybe just set some parameters. Give yourself a time limit & say that you get to feel sorry for yourself for 2 hours, or until tomorrow morning, or whatever time you think you need. Then, tell yourself that when the timer dings, no more whining & it's time for fighting.

The whining is just a healthy way to rejuvenate yourself mentally to get ready for the next round, so indulge yourself!

One mental pick-me-up tip I used before chemo came from my breast cancer buddy. She told me to wear a new outfit before each round of chemo. It did surprise me at how shopping for my chemo outfit could pump me up for my next round. Finishing the shopping was like flipping a switch that put me in fighting mode (or, at least, that's what I told my husband ). I didn't do anywhere near the # of treatments you've endured (typing paused to dream of the bulging closet!). I'm digressing, but my point is to maybe find something that "flips that switch" for you, and before that moment, allow yourself some pity. You deserve it!

[weisssoccermom]

Karin,
You're entitled to whine, b**ch, whatever...anytime you want.
Have you talked to the onc about switching to Xeloda this time around?
It wouldn't take away the irinotecan diarrhea but....at least you would be rid of the fanny pack!
Something is better than nothing, right??
Another thing to ask your onc about is QUESTRAN. It's given to patients sometimes after gallbladder surgery but works oh so well for diarrhea that often isn't controlled by the normal meds like Imodium. Not saying it would make everything A-ok but, again, might make life more bearable.
Seriously Karin, ask your doc about it. Too often docs don't think about it. It was originally marketed as a cholesteral drug - very old so not used much for that reason anymore. I've known three people, all with cancer/chemo who've had to ask their onc about it and then it's like 'oh yeah, ok". Works nicely. It's generic, cheap and honestly is like a wonder drug!! Be careful though.....IF you take too much, you've got the other problem - uncomfortable constipation!!

Just some minor ideas to ??maybe?? make things for you a tad more bearable
Take care.
Jaynee

[SugarBubbie]

you can whine anytime on here. we will all be waiting to hold your hand.

as to the hair, i am with you. i am really really tired of being told my short hair looks great. i miss my long black hair. so i had a party with my granddaughters and gave them bags of hair ribbons, barrettes, rubber bands, head bands you name it. we had a lot of fun and it made me feel better. plus they "worked" on my hair to give me some styling tips. it wasn't pretty.

funny about the new clothes for chemo. i did that too!!

[lohidoc]

Oh, I hear you baby. Chemo, on and off, for three years or so, I don't know how you do it. I declined chemo after my recurrence, for a variety of reasons which I have explained in my blog. But consider where the impulse comes from - it is the drive, the urge for life. Not something ever to be belittled or scoffed at. And for some of us, it is that drive that will lead to remission or even survival. And I sincerely hope you are one of those. But I hear you.
I like it when people tell me I look well. The other day, when I returned from a two week break my secretary told me I looked like shit. The mirror agreed with her. But I could have done without the comment. Goodbye Christmas bonus. Anyway, I hope it is not as bad as you think. Be kind to yourself.

[mymom]

Whine away....I don't know what chemo feels like but I see the strength it takes to get thru it. The toll it takes on your body. You deserve to whine all you want.

[jerun]

You are amazing ...I can't imagine going thru as much chemo for as long as you have.
I just went thru 10 treatments of Folfox/Avastin and then went right on Xeloda and I hate that too...
I am going in next week just to have my port flushed for the 1st time and I'm really dreading even stepping foot in the infusion room again... I feel like such a whimp... but the whole experience of chemo and the side effects have completely overwhelmed me.... I just can't seem to get over the shock of my reccurence and I'm real pissed off I ever let them put that Oxi poison in me... but glad I stopped at 10... my neurothapy is getting worse every day... I have very little feeling in both feet and now my hands are getting bad... so I'm sharing some whine with you... but you have gone thru so much more...Cancer is such a bitch... and so is chemo.
I wish you the best.

[kims]

I hated being on 5FU and oxi. I can relate to you not wanting to be there again. Big hugs to you. You might also want to consider treating yourself to some pampering afterward like a massage or some other spa treatment

[Jachut]

No smack. It sucks.

[wifenurse]

I don't have any words of wisdom for you. Just wanted to say that you have been an inspiration to me. I remember my husband struggling mid-way through his chemo regimen. He took an extra week off between treatments just to regroup much to his oncologist's consternation. Praying that your treatments go better this time without all the side effects.