Blessings mixed with pain

[Anji]

Wednesday was our youngest child's birthday. He asked for us all to go to lunch together. That's what he wanted as a gift. So, we pulled together and Larry rallied and for the first time in almost two weeks Larry left the house. Levi got his wish! I don't know how Larry did it. He was in pain and unable to eat more than a few bites. But, he did it. Took some creative planning since our house is not wheelchair accessible but we got him down the steps and in the car. Getting him back in the house was interesting to say the least.....

As we were looking at the pictures later, Levi stated that he wanted a BIG copy of the one of him and Larry to hang in his room. I was a bit slow on the uptake and asked why. And my beautiful son said it best.....cause this will be my last birthday with Dad and I want to remember it forever.

Wow. That one caught me off guard. I mean I know it. I Knew it then. But to hear it from my child.... And even in the midst of this beautiful, blessed day, the pain hit. It was excruciating and took my breath away. But I too want to remember that day forever.....

Since then Larry's pain has increased and he had a tough night last night. Calling Hospice this morning to see about tweaking pain meds again. Even as I thank God for the blessing of Wednesday, I'm cursing she cancer and the pain and the progression that I can see.....it's like walking a tight rope. Only when I fall, I'm afraid I may never get up again.

Larry is so thankful and never fails to thank me for anything I do for him. Straightening his bed clothes. Helping him shower. Bringing him a drink. I can always count on hearing him say thank you babe I love you. I dread the day I no longer hear those words. And they make me feel so bad. It's not like I'm doing anything special for him. I love him and want him to be comfortable.....

Guess I don't have a point. Just rambling and checking in. We are here. Holding on, barely.

Anji

[Canadianmom]

*Tears*
Anji,
You have such an amazing family. What a heart touching story. It is obvious that you have raised a wise and caring son. You are one strong lady; keep the faith friend.
Larry is blessed to have such a loving and devout family. I am always praying for you and your family. Hope hospice can get Larry's pain under control.
xo Wafa

[mysweetgrace]

Anji, my heart breaks for you. I hope he gets some relief from the pain soon.

I hate cancer.

[dianetavegia]

Anji, that just broke my heart. Gosh, I wish.........

[vickitwo]

My heart just aches for you. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Cancer is so cruel.

[Surroundedbylove]

Oh Anji,

My heart goes out to you. There are tears streaming as I read your post. Ramble and check-in as much as you want. We are hear to "listen."

My prayers are with all of you.

SBL

[pollo65]

Anji, I am at a loss for words. You are an amazing family and I am so glad that Levi got his wish. I am praying for your family and I hope Larry's pain issues are soon relieved.
pollo 65

[wifenurse]

Wow! What a story. It amazes me how intuitive and direct kids can be at times. Their brains are processing so much and I know with my own kids that they have a hard time expressing their thoughts and fears of the future. What an amazing son you have raised and this story shows what a great job you and Larry have done in preparing him for the future. My heart breaks for you and your family in this difficult time. You are in a place that none of us ever want to be. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Hoping for pain relief for Larry. He has accomplished some great things in the past few weeks. It is a testimony of how strong he is and how dedicated he is to his family.

[lauragb]

What a touching scenario you have shared. Sad, just the same. My heart goes out to all of you.
Light and Hugs all around.

Laura

[pmterra]

Hi Anji,
What a beautiful thought and heartbreaking at the same time. I'm trying to swallow the big lump in my throat! I hope they can manage Larry's pain and bring you all some peaceful loving time together. What an amazing family you have and for you to find all the blessings at such a difficult time says volumes about the strength that you have and what a loving woman you are.
Love & Hugs,
Paula

[lorrainem]

Thank you for sharing that moment with us. Children are so smart and don't get half the credit. I'm not sure if you realize the value of your sharing. As you touch me with the successes, milestones and patience; the sadness, the hardship and the pain, I wish to spend my end time as Larry has; surrounded by family and love (whenever it is, and whatever the setting.) A touching story of love and life.
Thanks Anji, I only wish I could give you a big hug for real.
Strong vibes and prayers for Larry to heaven via NY.
Lorraine

[lepperl]

My heart goes out to you. You and your family are in my prayers.

[SMR]

Anji,
That was at once a wonderful and terrible story. I'm sending much love your way. I dread the day we are in the place you are now. I admire your strength and the strength of your family. Keep on loving each other... It's all we can do.

[dj2158]

God Bless You Anji. What a statement such a young child had to make. I hate this disease so much. This should not be happening to your family.

I wish you strength to help Larry at this time. I thank my husband and tell him I love him every time he does something for me also. He is my hero and you are Larry's.

Much love, prayers and thoughts.

Donna

[hopeful]

My heart goes out to you and your family, Anji. Your post brings tears but also a smile because I can feel the love in that family of yours. You are living the moments to their fullest and making memories even when it seems like hope is gone. Prayers and blessings, Angi.