Postby Guest » Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:49 am
Hi Brad,
I am about to go for my 6 month CAT. I wish I had a suggestion for you but I don't. Just wanted you to know I am going through the exact same thing. It is a shame, seems we should be happy at this stage. I can tell you from the day I stopped chemo things changed for me. I did all the tests, blood work, CAT and PET scans and all the results were good. By the time I got to the results I was in about the same mood you describe....pissed off at everything. This mood seems to linger on and on and even when I can push it down it is there lingering where only I can feel it.
THere is a part of me that believes I did not allow myself to feel certain emotions during the chemo. Finding out we have cancer, then having surgery, then chemo, it's all so overwhelming. There is fear, sadness, weakness, fear....well you get the picture. We become soldiers in a war we were unprepared for. Seems all I really did was become very positive that I could fight this battle, never allowing the other emotions to stick around for very long. Once chemo stopped I felt it all. I also felt like what now, and still haven't reconciled that in my mind.
I take it one day at a time. I know my family is tired of my emotional ups and downs. They are like get over it already. Well cancer is a life sentence whether or not it is there at the moment. I don't think it is possible to just get over it. They can, but I can't. So I pray alot and try everyday to resolve these feelings. I have a sister that is a survivor also and she is my biggest champion. Without her I don't know what I would do. She understands when I talk about all this and says it is perfectly normal, to just go with it and let time do it's thing. She also has told me she has never been the same since her recovery and warns me I probably never will be either. So part of it is accepting this new person we have become and having patience with our loved ones to accept too.
Maybe we are just in mourning for the innocence of the person we were before all this. And maybe when we have our scans we will feel some relief. There is always hope, and all things are possible.
I'll include you in my prayers Brad......good luck with you scan and let us know the results.
Mary