Mood Swings

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Brad
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: Pampa TX

Mood Swings

Postby Brad » Fri Apr 14, 2006 7:19 am

I just had my three month Cat scan...Three months since I've been on chemo for stage IV cc. Wow, time flies. Instead of being happy about my recovery and the good news that my Dr. keeps giving me, I find myself in a bad mood. For the last several months I've been pissed off and have no idea why. I can't decide if its stress, or maybe my body is going through chemo withdrawls (doubt it). I was joking about the last part, but this is not a joking matter. My attitude and sour disposition are starting to really cause some problems between me and my wife. Any suggestions?P.S. i have no sex drive either.

Guest

Deep breaths!

Postby Guest » Fri Apr 14, 2006 2:02 pm

Hi Brad,

You are not alone with regard to bad mood. It is a daily struggle. Have you tried anti-depressants? They only work to some extent. That is my only idea. I guess relationship-wise, it is probably best to try to be peaceful with your significant other even if you don't feel like it to prevent any arguments or hurtful statements being said. Personally, I am single now because I feel like I can't be in a relationship because of how bad I feel physically which is definitely affecting me mentally.

Hang in there! 8)

Star

Brad
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: Pampa TX

Postby Brad » Fri Apr 14, 2006 4:47 pm

Star,
Thanks for the inut. i haven't tried anti-depressants yet. I'm kinda scared of them. I just dont' know how I feel about chemically induced happiness. I wish I could figure out what is wrong so I can fix it.

Guest

Postby Guest » Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:49 am

Hi Brad,

I am about to go for my 6 month CAT. I wish I had a suggestion for you but I don't. Just wanted you to know I am going through the exact same thing. It is a shame, seems we should be happy at this stage. I can tell you from the day I stopped chemo things changed for me. I did all the tests, blood work, CAT and PET scans and all the results were good. By the time I got to the results I was in about the same mood you describe....pissed off at everything. This mood seems to linger on and on and even when I can push it down it is there lingering where only I can feel it.

THere is a part of me that believes I did not allow myself to feel certain emotions during the chemo. Finding out we have cancer, then having surgery, then chemo, it's all so overwhelming. There is fear, sadness, weakness, fear....well you get the picture. We become soldiers in a war we were unprepared for. Seems all I really did was become very positive that I could fight this battle, never allowing the other emotions to stick around for very long. Once chemo stopped I felt it all. I also felt like what now, and still haven't reconciled that in my mind.

I take it one day at a time. I know my family is tired of my emotional ups and downs. They are like get over it already. Well cancer is a life sentence whether or not it is there at the moment. I don't think it is possible to just get over it. They can, but I can't. So I pray alot and try everyday to resolve these feelings. I have a sister that is a survivor also and she is my biggest champion. Without her I don't know what I would do. She understands when I talk about all this and says it is perfectly normal, to just go with it and let time do it's thing. She also has told me she has never been the same since her recovery and warns me I probably never will be either. So part of it is accepting this new person we have become and having patience with our loved ones to accept too.

Maybe we are just in mourning for the innocence of the person we were before all this. And maybe when we have our scans we will feel some relief. There is always hope, and all things are possible.

I'll include you in my prayers Brad......good luck with you scan and let us know the results.

Mary

Lee
Posts: 6207
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Postby Lee » Mon Apr 17, 2006 12:32 pm

Not to long ago, I had just got the results of my 6 mth testing, all was good and I was happpy. This friend I was with (well were not really friends today, but not because of this) turned to me and said, "so now are your going to relax about this cancer issue". I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes and said "if you look at the stat. I've got about a 30%-60% chance of being alive in five years. Would you relax about this if you were in my shoes?" After she picked up her jaw her response was "how do you sleep at night?" I responded "some nights I don't". She just didn't understand.

It has been a year since I've been off chemo. This can be a very scary time. So far what works for me, from the time I get my results till my next set of tests, I try not to let it bother me. I tell my self there is nothing I can do, so enjoy yourself and enjoy the good news. When I get tested, I STRESS until I see the doctor again. By this point, my blood pressure can be high. Enjoy the good days, and accept the fact that you are going to have some bad days.
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 16 years and counting!

Brad
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: Pampa TX

Postby Brad » Mon Apr 17, 2006 4:43 pm

Mary,
I Never thought of it like that...I'm in morning for the old Brad...Hmm Thanks for the insight. I dont' know what I would do without you guys.

Brad

Ron50
Posts: 699
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2006 7:04 pm

Postby Ron50 » Tue Apr 18, 2006 6:04 am

Hi Brad,
Frustration to the max ,you spend months in treatment getting cut ,burned and poisoned ,your friends and loved ones are scared spitless of what you have and what the docs expect to happen. Then suddenly treatment ends and you are on your own again with all the dark thoughts that reach a peak just before the next series of tests. The tests are a stress ,why do doctors think that their time is infinitely more valuable that yours especially when yours may be far less than theirs. Why wouldn't you be in a bad mood. I know it is hard but I relly feel you have to have to focus on the positives. You have a wife who loves you and as my wife said to me "hang on pal you are taking this cancer too personally WE are fighting it ,not just you." She also told me that if I dared to die of cancer she would B**#$#@@ well kill me. Please get some help if you need it.It is not weakness it is part of the cure. Believe in that word CURE. I wasn't stge 4 but I was stage 3 with 6 bad nodes .I have been clear for over 8 years and guess what, I still get into lots of bad moods but not about cancer ,that is history,please stay well and fight on ,Ron.

Brad
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: Pampa TX

Postby Brad » Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:27 am

What kind of help should I seek. My oncologist, really plays this stuff down. He tells me that I should expect to feel this way and that It will run its course. My Dr is great, but he's better at treating the disease than the sideffects. I've talked to my wife about this and I'm not willing to accept "chemical" happiness. So I don't see how anyone can help me through this...

Guest

Postby Guest » Tue Apr 18, 2006 9:17 am

My B12 was 220, within the normal range of 200-900. However, some people do not function well when it is 300 and lower. I got a B12 injection yesterday...I will let you know if it helps with depression/irritability. Have you had yours checked? Did your type of surgery affect vitamin absorption?
-Star

Brad
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: Pampa TX

Postby Brad » Tue Apr 18, 2006 12:38 pm

Star,
I don't know. I had my ascending colon and most of the transverse colon removed. It turned out to be about half of my colon was removed. My doc's haven't said anything about vitamin absorption or b12....Hmm

thanks
Brad

Ron50
Posts: 699
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2006 7:04 pm

Postby Ron50 » Tue Apr 18, 2006 4:57 pm

Hi Brad,
Oncologists are definitely not the ones to help at this time,most are brilliant doctors but they seem to live in a tunnel,I found my GP far better value at dealing with my struggle to survive survival. He suggested I go back to work two months after my op,I had 48 sessions of chemo over 12 mos. I would not take anti-depressants so his advice was live normal. I was aghast how could I live normal during chemo. He suggested that I was probably sicker and still working before the op so tough it out ,once you finish chem you are going to start feeling better and better. I guess his advice was like giving me a name like Sue I had to get tough or die. It worked for me. Others I met in chemo went the anti -depressant way,they certainly weren't happy pills for the most part they were anti -anxiety medications and were only taken for a short time to help them thru a difficult period. Just rememeber you are what you are ,you are not the old Brad, you are a survivor of a terrible life threatening disease you have to rebuild your life around that fact. You can make your goal to return to as near as possible to what you were but it takes time and a lot of patience,above all be kind to yourself and your wife ,you need your friends and family ,all the best Ron.

ASTEPHENS33
Posts: 353
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2005 10:04 pm
Location: Seattle, Washington
Contact:

The Future

Postby ASTEPHENS33 » Tue Apr 18, 2006 8:25 pm

I appreciate your bringing up this topic and the posts. I feel like I'm not alone and that really helps. I've got 5 weeks left of chemo. My emotions have been up and down while on the chemo, but I figured if the drugs impact me physically, why not mentally? I can cry over something as simple as not finding my cell phone in my bag to being estactic over an email from an old friend to angry about my husband leaving a newspaper on the floor.

When I think about my chemo being over, I get scared. At least with the chemo, I am fighting and once I'm off I'll just have to wait. I feel a loss at not seeing the onc/team on a regular basis. All the issues that got put on-hold before chemo will have to be addressed, but I see everything differently.


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