Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

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Bev G
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Location: Quechee, VT

Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby Bev G » Thu Jun 28, 2012 6:30 am

This is from the lymphoma support forum, which I unfortunately have had to frequent lately (and is not nearly as wonderful as our board), but I thought these links were fantastic, and applied equally well to CC.

NY TIMES: ‘You Look Great’ and Other Lies http://nyti.ms/lqbCZA

Huff Post: Suleika Jaouad: 10 Ways to Help a Friend With Cancer http://huff.to/MUf6wy

Guardian; 10 things not to say to someone when they're ill http://bit.ly/MTR1qa


xox Bev
58 yo Type1 DM 48 years
12/09 Stage IV 2/22 nodes + liver met, colon resec
3 tx FOLFIRI, liver resec 4/10
9/10 6 mos off chemo, Neg PET&CTC CEA nl
2/11 finished total 10 rounds chemo

9/13 ^17th clean PET/CT NED for now

soccermom
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2011 10:21 am

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby soccermom » Thu Jun 28, 2012 7:24 am

Great links and how true! It does get very frustrating when you feel like crap and everyone says oh you look so great! Yea right!! People mean well but when you are going through it you really don't want to hear anything!
Stage 2A colon cancer
T3 N0 M0
0/21 lymph nodes
Jan 2012 to June 2012 Folfox
9 rounds of oxi

SMR
Posts: 631
Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:20 pm

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby SMR » Thu Jun 28, 2012 7:47 am

Great links indeed. Amazing just how similar each article was as far as the do and don't lists!
DH DX 10/11 st IV unkown prmry
FFOX 12/11
HIPEC 3/12
FFOX 5/12
7/12 FFIRI
12/12 xeloda
1/13 resection
2/13 FFIRI
4/13 5FU/Avastin
9/13 recurrence, failed surgery
Abdominal fistula
11/13 gemzar, heart attack
12/13 Carbo
2/14 Radiation
3/28/2014 passed

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lohidoc
Posts: 454
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2011 6:37 pm

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby lohidoc » Thu Jun 28, 2012 9:50 am

I can't help but re-post a link to an encounter my great hero Christopher Hitchens had. He died just before Christmas. I believe a post-humous book about his experience with cancer will come out in the fall.
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/featu ... ens-201012
"Half of what I know is wrong. I don't know which half."

Age 56
Dx 19/7/11
R. hemicolectomy 25/7/11
IIIc, 7 / 23 nodes,
no mets
Folfox 21/8/11
CT Scan 6/3/12 NED
CT Scan 21/6/12 30+ lung mets, 2 retroperitoneal tumours
marcdu4.wordpress.com

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Bev G
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Location: Quechee, VT

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby Bev G » Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:13 am

lohidoc wrote:I can't help but re-post a link to an encounter my great hero Christopher Hitchens had. He died just before Christmas. I believe a post-humous book about his experience with cancer will come out in the fall.
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/featu ... ens-201012


Hi Doc,

Unlike you, I was never much of a fan of Hitchens, but geez, what a brilliant mind and extraordinary writer. Thank you so much for posting this essay. Simply not possible to argue with many of his points, cynical and depressing as they are :wink: .

Bev
58 yo Type1 DM 48 years
12/09 Stage IV 2/22 nodes + liver met, colon resec
3 tx FOLFIRI, liver resec 4/10
9/10 6 mos off chemo, Neg PET&CTC CEA nl
2/11 finished total 10 rounds chemo

9/13 ^17th clean PET/CT NED for now

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Gaelen
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Location: CNY
Contact:

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby Gaelen » Thu Jun 28, 2012 1:43 pm

Maybe I should hang on to these links, and post them in May and October when the next round of anti-pink comes back up. Amazazing, the similarities! ;)
Be in harmony with your expectations. - Life Out Loud
4/04: dx'd @48 StageIV RectalCA w/9 liver mets. 8 chemos, 4 surgeries, last remission 34 mos.
2/11 recurrence R lung, spinal bone mets - chemo, RFA lung mets
4/12 stopped treatment

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BrownBagger
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Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2009 2:56 pm
Location: Central NYS

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby BrownBagger » Thu Jun 28, 2012 1:58 pm

Big Hitchens fan, here. Except for the Iraq bit, of course.
Eric, 58
Dx: 3/09, Stage 4 RC
Recurrences: (ongoing, lung, bronchial cavity, ribs)
Major Ops: 6/ RFA: 3 /bronchoscopies: 8
Pelvic radiation: 5 wks. Bronchial radiation—brachytheray: 3 treatments
Chemo Rounds (career):136
Current Chemo Cocktail: Xeloda & Erbitux & Irinotecan biweekly
Current Cocktail; On the Wagon (mostly)
Bicycle miles post-dx 10,477
Motto: Live your life like it's going to be a long one, because it just might, and then you'll be glad you did.

shellfry
Posts: 82
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:41 pm

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby shellfry » Thu Jun 28, 2012 2:00 pm

One of my best memories during my treatment happened at work. I got really sick, and ended up laying on the floor crying in front of the copier. My co-worker and very good friend laid down beside me and cried with me for as long as I needed her.
Now that's support!
Michelle
Stage III Colorectal Cancer
2 lymph nodes involved
Resection Sept 2010
5-FU, Leucovorin, Oxiplatin
radiation
chemo complete May 2011
radiation complete Dec 2010
Port removed June 2011
permanent colostomy 9/2012 due to
complications from radiation
April 2015 Total Pelvic Floor Reconstruction

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lohidoc
Posts: 454
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2011 6:37 pm

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby lohidoc » Thu Jun 28, 2012 2:18 pm

BrownBagger wrote:Big Hitchens fan, here. Except for the Iraq bit, of course.


Hitchens/Iraq is an interesting tale. pm me if you want to hear my take on it.
"Half of what I know is wrong. I don't know which half."

Age 56
Dx 19/7/11
R. hemicolectomy 25/7/11
IIIc, 7 / 23 nodes,
no mets
Folfox 21/8/11
CT Scan 6/3/12 NED
CT Scan 21/6/12 30+ lung mets, 2 retroperitoneal tumours
marcdu4.wordpress.com

justin case
Posts: 4269
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:26 am
Location: Katy, Texas

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby justin case » Thu Jun 28, 2012 5:54 pm

Bev G wrote:This is from the lymphoma support forum, which I unfortunately have had to frequent lately (and is not nearly as wonderful as our board), but I thought these links were fantastic, and applied equally well to CC.

NY TIMES: ‘You Look Great’ and Other Lies http://nyti.ms/lqbCZA

Huff Post: Suleika Jaouad: 10 Ways to Help a Friend With Cancer http://huff.to/MUf6wy

Guardian; 10 things not to say to someone when they're ill http://bit.ly/MTR1qa


xox Bev



Maybe not what you were expecting, but I sure do like your new avatar!
Regards,
Michael
7/11 diagnosed Stage 2 colon and rectal cancer
chemo/rad
lar/temp ilio
Reversal & port removal
21 round of chemo Folfox 9tx, 5fu 12 tx
Last treatment July 2012

smartestone
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue May 10, 2011 7:42 pm

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby smartestone » Thu Jun 28, 2012 7:22 pm

"you can/will beat this"
"after a year of chemotherapy it's all over"
Dx colon cancer in 2010
surgery, chemo, 4/20 nodes positive
more chemo
NED and praying to live

omrhill
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu May 24, 2012 8:46 pm

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby omrhill » Thu Jun 28, 2012 7:44 pm

These are great and i am sitting here wondering if my friends would be offended if i posted one of these links to facebook. We all have someone (at least one) who is killing us with kindness. I have one friend who means really well, but asks me several times a week what she can do for me. It is tiring just trying to think of a polite way to say nothing without hurting her feelings.

I started my cancer journey about 30 pounds overweight. Now people tell me how great i look. Um..... thanks?

But they mean well and i love them for trying.

Robin
Last edited by omrhill on Thu Jun 28, 2012 9:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
ROBIN
47 yo rectal dx 4/13/2012
some lymph nodes
28 radiation treatments w 5FU pump
Resection scheduled for Aug 2012

mymom
Posts: 1299
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2011 11:07 pm
Location: Connecticut

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby mymom » Thu Jun 28, 2012 8:13 pm

Great links...read them all. I am obviously a caregiver but heck....it pissed me off when people these past few weeks have said to me how can i help and i only had a csection.! I agree...just do something so that i dont have to think of something specific like bring me food because my husband cant cook for shit. I try to make sure when i go to moms to just do something...vacuum...start dinner...clean something. I myself have been guilty of a few of these things. Great links.
Stage 4 CC DX 5/11
colon/livr rsct 5/11(1 met)
Folfox July-11/11
NED to 5/12
New Primry BC-4/12,Stage 1
2 livermet 5/2012
Liver rsct,HAI 6/12,Folfiri
NED to 10/13,1 liver met,ablation, Folfiri
NED to 12/14, another spot
3/15 NED
Ablation 1 liver met 10/15
1/16-current NED
6/22- small spot liver again, ablation oct 2023

Fede

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby Fede » Thu Jun 28, 2012 8:52 pm

Hi Bev,

Great links, I have not finished to read them yet, but I love this sort of articles.

A huge hug for you and Loveeee for you. I send you love.

Fede.

Realtor
Posts: 29
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 6:55 am

Re: Things to do and NOT do for the sick people in your life

Postby Realtor » Thu Jun 28, 2012 9:27 pm

I loved the question, from a few people actually, "did they catch it early?" I responded to one of them "uh, not really." The look on his face was priceless.
"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"

Dx 2/2/12
Stage IV, mets to liver/lymph nodes
Inoperable
Folfiri, Vectibix, then folfox, then added avastin...and the occasional amber ale ;-)
Starting trial with irinotecan and BKM120 on 4/2/14.


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