Dori, I don't share anything about my journey anymore good, bad or otherwise here or on any of the sites as to not offend those not doing well, or don't want to hear or see it, so survivor guilt is alive and well. I pm any questions, and I just "cheerlead" for others, and provide feedback. I feel my journey is my problem now and although I am grateful to get to my landmarks, and hope I continue with them, it is not anyone's problem to cheerlead for me when they are fighting for their lives.
My oldest and best friend was by my side at my diagnosis and thru treatment. 6 months after I finished she was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer at 44 years old and fought the fight of her life, and I was right by her side. She lived 8 months. It was a horrible, painful death for her, and all she kept saying during it was "its ok Jo, I watched you and I am going to fight just like you and beat this thing just like you are doing". That statement goes thru my head still DAILY!! She is my angel and who I cry and scream my health problems to, and who is looking out for me and hopefully keeping an eye on my health!
We all do what we have to Dori!! It is very normal to have guilt with your friend's passing. My situation has made me feel the same.
ONWARD!! We are almost to the 5 year mark BABY!! Hang in there friend!!!
Dx: Nov 07 @ age 43
Stage IIIC, RCa
Colon Resection: Nov 07, 4 of 27 LN
Chemo/Radiation: 28 treatments w/constant 5FU (Jan-Feb 08)
Chemo: Folfox, 12 cycles (Mar-Aug 08) DONE 8-8-08
CT Scan 1-09 NED