Do you say you HAD cancer or you HAVE cancer ???

[sandrichelle]

jenny...what a breath of fresh air..not...

In all seriousness, there are a significant portion of people at many different stages that have survived, been cured, are in remission...whatever term they/you choose to use that have moved on and most likely do not visit this website any longer.

I have found that most that post on here are still activly fighting their disease, which makes sense but does not support the thought that because of that, the likelihood of reaccurance for stage 1, 2, 3, or 4 is inevitable!

[Jimswife]

Jenny I do hope my husband will be cured , yes .... BUT I'm well aware that he may not be and well aware that cancer can come back in all stages of cancer but also well aware that many people do go on to be cured / remission / ned or whatever term you want to use , i don't belive that most stage 2/3 will reoccur ??? Some will yes of course , but stage 2/3 who recurr are in the minority not the majority , when I joined this thread i was desperate for stories of hope , I was so desperate I went right back to the beginning when this website started and message people asking if they could offer hope ? Where they still ned ? Could they give me succsess stories ? What were the chances of realistically beating this ?? You know what ??? I'd say 80 percent of the people that got back to me where still in remission since surgery , many had gone 5/8/10 years and beyond , yes of course there was the odd one here and there that had the cancer return but by far the majority were still in remission , I still have all the messages, the people specifically say they do not visit the site often now as the cancer was something that was in the past and not something they thought about 24/7 so didn't feel the need to frequently visit the site , I know I cannot compare my husbands case to anyone else's and that we are all individual , I do not need that pointing out to me , I come to the site to ask questions / advice / offer support where I can to others and catch up with how everyone is doing , that is all , there's no ulterior motive or me asking any of you for a definitive answer that my husband is going to be Cured , I can see this thread opening up another can of worms , we all have our own thoughts and opinions and we are all entitled to our own thoughts and opinions on here , but things can get way out of hand .

[Grace14]

WoW is right.....Victoria I think that you ask good questions and so many people seem to reply!! There is always gonna be some Debbie downers when it comes to this disease we all have our own opinion. This is why I mainly read posts because I'm afraid of asking the wrong questions and maybe offending some people!! Nobody knows what the future holds for us just listen to and trust your doctors and most important Live Your Life!!!

[Jimswife]

I think quite a few people are afraid to post , afraid of saying the wrong thing or afraid of what comments might be made , this is supposed to be a SUPPORT group ?

[soccermom]

I think we all know that the cancer can re occur at any time but I would like to think there is nothing wrong with hoping that it will not. I have heard of quite a lot of people that survive colon cancer and my Grandmother is one of them. She had surgery and chemo 14 years ago and is still here today. To me I see nothing wrong with holding out hope and nothing wrong with asking questions. I think your question Victoria was a very good one and you can see that everyone handles their situation differently.

[sandrichelle]

Don't be afraid, you keep on posting!!!

[Grace14]

I agree I have PM'd people before and never got a reply back I think because this person must have thought my question was stupid..and this person is very active on this board! Your right this is a support group so I can't understand why people get attacked..maybe these people are dealing with difficulties in their disease and that's totally understandable but there is no reason to attack people or crush peoples hope!!

[Jimswife]

I don't think i will actually , it's making me feel a bit uneasy to be honest , at the beginning I asked a valid question and had lots of great replys saying what a great question I had asked ?? Then it all seemed to go down hill ? Like you say grace sometimes people are hesitant to post or reply to posts for this very reason , I've seen it happen a few time in my 6 months of visiting . I like coming here aswell most of the time , shame .

[Grace14]

Jennyjojjr if you are stage 2 it's because there are no lymph nodes involved..so I don't know what your talking about!!

[BrownBagger]

this is supposed to be a SUPPORT group

This gets to the heart of the issue. Some people view "support" as supplying what they consider to be a realistic prospect for success (or a cure, or whatever you want to define it as), while others consider "support" to be encouragement with the most optimistic spin. I think we've got the whole spectrum on display in this thread (and on this board), and I think there's room for all sides of the issue to be presented. Both ends of the "support" spectrum have their place, I think, and we certainly have room on this site to explore each without stepping on each other's toes.

So, take your pick.

[Grace14]

Victoria you ask any question you want do not let this person or anyone else for that matter get you down. There will always be someone who wants to crush our hopes. You asked an excellent question and as you can see from all the responses that you got it was a great question!!

[Jimswife]

Eric I agree , we are all well aware of what can and may happen and we don't need thing all sugarcoating and made to look all rosy but things can sometimes get a little out of hand , no body knows what's going to happen in the future to anyone of us cancer or no cancer . I'm not a negative person nor a positive person but I'm certainly realistic as to what may or may not happen .

[JerseyGirl]

Another question ..... If they can potentially cure stage 1 2 and 3 with surgery followed by mop up chemo why not stage 4 , if someone say had a Tumor in Colon and one in liver and both are surgically removed then chemo is given why have they got more chance of it returning that stage 2/3 ? Some stage 2 and stage 3rs obviously have micro cells circulating and can be cured / put in to remission long term so why not stage 4 once the Tumor / tumors have been surgically removed , why can't the mop up chemo kill any circulating cells that may be left over like it can in earlier stages ????

I love this, and that is what I am pulling for myself - EVERYDAY!...I hear of this happening to many people. And many people are not on this board that I know personally!

They are currently treating me as a stage three since they got the last few tumors with clean margins. Four months of adjunct therapy since I already completed two. I hope it wasn't me that offended anyone by not being positive enough! I am extremely positive about my situation While I was typing my last post and I remember being VERY positive another time and someone on this board told me "we are not here to give you false hope"...what a terrible thing to say. I almost never posted again until I noticed from other posts that this person was mostly miserable anyway no offense taken.

To answer the original question, I just tell people I have cancer since I am in treatment for the micro cells - and the treatment makes it feel real. And definitely a survivor! I think once my chemo is done it will be easier for me to say I HAD cancer. I just thought it was a little to early for my mom to have her work force in tears. Just in case I don't want to disapoint since it's so early on! I am super - supersitious as well which doesn't help my cause haha!

[limbo08816]

Victoria-love your response. You asked a great question. Also, you are right, there are MANY survivors out there!

[ams5796]

I feel like I have been very realistic about my situation. In fact, family members have told me that I am pessimistic. I usually tell folks that I HAVE cancer, when asked. I think most (if not all) of us on here all pretty aware of the reality of this disease. We have probably all seen some survival statistics. I am all for a realistic approach to support. In my opinion, Guest Jenny's post may have crossed the line of support with the phrase "killing machine." ugh

Ann