Do you say you HAD cancer or you HAVE cancer ???

[Gaelen]

I think you should follow your husband's lead. If he says he has cancer, that's really all that matters.
And I agree with lurker juli who pointed out that it seems to be spouses, family and frieds who want to put cancer in the past tense as if saying "had" will make it so.
It's how the patient approches it, Jimswife - and if your husband keeps his cancer in the present tense, then you're just going to have to wrap your head around that...even if you'd rather it be gone.

[Jimswife]

My husband has never said have or has ??? I'm referring to what I've heard or read other people saying .

[Lee]

I think I was about 4 yrs out when I said I "had" cancer for the first time. It was about that time I also starting using the word NED to describe me. I can not use the word "cure" without getting uncomfortable, especially when people ask me are you cured? I tend to say, some Drs. tell me I am, but on a personal level I'm not there yet. I still live in fear of it coming back.

Lee

[Jachut]

The thing I was most afraid of is that I would have the shadow of this hanging over me for the rest of my life, always afraid it would recur.

In truth, I've never ever felt that way, since I began treatment. I was stage 2. So I say without hesitation that I "had" cancer. Or that we beat it. I know that may not be the case, but that honestly does not frame my thinking in any way. d

[Mys]

It depends. I "have had cancer and I hope it don´t come back" is a white lie I use, like saying "I am fine" when people ask. They don´t need the whole story always.

With good friends, I say that I am being closely monitored and that they still haven´t found anything (but that I am at high risk and it stresses me out). I correct my husband when he said I HAD cancer. I don´t know that yet, it might still be in my body. Time will tell.

If I should happen to reach reach four or five years without a recurrence, I will absolutely say I "had" cancer. Maybe even that I am most likely cured (but of course not guaranteed, just most likely).

[sadysue]

In my heart, I feel I am cured of this disease. Who knows? I am a "glass is half full" kinda person If someone asks or I need to volunteer info, I say I am a survivor, who's cancer is in remission. They can make of that whatever they want. If they have questions and REALLY want to know, I tell them the whole story.
Mary Ann

[disco nap]

Good question. I don't say have or had.

I always say "I'm a cancer patient currently in remission."

[Badass]

I am with Raygirl...well, currently I DO have cancer but when all this treatment is done, I imagine I will say I am a cancer "survivor."

[lizzielew]

WOW, that is the exact question I asked my oncologist after my surgery. Her answer was "you HAD cancer and it was removed during your surgery". I see her on Friday for followup bloodwork. We'll see what she says when my CEA levels come back. I can't help but worry that I still HAVE cancer with some of those tiny cells not showing up yet. I had no lymph node involvement and no chemo. I know two other people (both men) who have had similar surgeries as mine with no chemo. My followup with my GI insisted that most of his patients that have similar surgeries as mine (right hemicolectomy) with no lymph node involvement, do not have chemo. But, when I come on this site (which is full of great info), I hear such different stories. However, after pressing my oncologist about the treatment, she did say something like, not exactly, "we'll save the chemo in case we need it later." So, as far as I'm concerned, until I get good CEA levels and clean scans back, I HAVE cancer.

[Gaelen]

My husband has never said have or has ??? I'm referring to what I've heard or read other people saying .

Well, then, why not ask him, and then follow his lead?

I was in NYC once for a consult with Dr. Personality, and my mother was traveling with me. I was very tired, and was trying to nap in the room. A maid came with extra towels and my mother took them from her and volunteered that I was sleeping "because I had cancer and was taking chemo." I'm very open about my cancer, but for some reason my mother volunteering this information to a complete stranger really pissed me off. It was completely unnecessar

I share this, Jimswife, because it sounds like you're trying to figure out how to discuss your husband's medical condition and treatment without knowing how JIM feels about it. Outside of a support forum, where it's common for caregivers to come online while patients don't, I can't think of a situation where that kind of conversation would even come up. It'd be harder still to think of a time outside a conversation on my behalf with a medical professional that I'd be comfortable having my spouse or other family member describe my condition.

I mean, outside of a support group or a doc appointment (or those forms), why would anyone but the patient even be bringing this subject up?

[tdsamal]

Well if you ask someone in my family they will say I "had" cancer. They want to believe that I am cured and that it will not come back.I tell people that I "have" cancer. Being a stage IV, whether I am in txt or not we know that it will come back. So to me I still have cancer, it's just not active at this point and time. Well that has actually yet to be determined. Something is showing up on the scans and the Dr.'s can't seem to agree what is going on. So to me I say I "HAVE" cancer.
Tammy

[Jimswife]

I don't share with strangers about my husbands condition only come to support groups for advice and to ask questions etc , this question wasn't specifically about my situation or my husband and I know it's not a question just anyone would come out and ask the cancer/former cancer patient , it just I've seen it mentioned a few times some people saying had and some people saying have and was just asking the question for myself as I was curious as to why people use different phrases . That is all . Thanks to all of you who have shared I can try to understand now as to why some of you say had / have cancer .

[Stomatrooper]

I say

" I was diagnosed with early stage colorectal cancer a couple of years ago - following surgery the news has been as good as I could hope for"

[Jachut]

Why would it be brought up? Well when asked by my current employer why i took 15 months off teaching without even completing the first year of my career, I said " i had rectal cancer". Im much more likely to have to give that sort of explanation than to randomly describe myself as a cancer survivor.

I found i needed to tell quite a few people, such as my children's teachers, to explain my inability to meet various commotments. Thankfully it changed from "have" to "had". I was as private about it as possible, but it came up in all sorts of professional, medical and personal situations, kinda inevitable when you need to drop off the radar for a year to have treatment. Its no great mystery as to why the topic would come up, even though it may not be a topic for social chit chat.

[sandrichelle]

Jimswife,

If and when it ever comes up, you say whatever in your heart feels right and just. I have learned many things from my diagnosis and most importantly to me is that this IS at many times harder on my family then it is on me. I allow my family to express whatever feelings and say whatever they need to help THEM get through this. As a patient, I want to say "thank you" for supporting and obviously truly caring about your husband!!! We need people like you and you need to be patient with yourself as well and do what you need to do to handle this devastating blow as well...so that you can better take care of us!

Michelle