HELP!! + 12/5 BRIEF UPDATE

[las]

Oh Bev,

I am so sorry to hear this, its not fair to have to deal with this, I know. The only thing is, that you have been there and done it and can understand and relate to what he might have to go thru, which is not much consolation. I will pray that it is something other than what you have posted. You need to remember that you need to keep yourself in good health during these hard times, I know its hard, but you have to worry about your health as well in order to be there for him. Besides the martial problems, which any cancer DX can cause stress on the relationship anyway, maybe now will be the time that you both will become closer and will fight this together. I will be praying for both of you honey.

Love and hugs Bev,

Lisa

[sg101]

Bev, I am SO sorry to hear of this! As others have said, this is certainly not your fault. If you feel that you need to be there for him, then be there for him, but if the abuse continues then I would highly advise an exit strategy. I do think that counseling is a good idea. It obviously won't change the facts, but at least you may find it easier to cope with the situation. For what it's worth, my dad's cousin was diagnosed with diffuse large B cell lymphoma about 18 months ago. He received rituximab + CHOP + radiation on an investigational protocol and had a complete response. He continued to work throughout his treatment and is currently NED. I am sending you hugs and positive vibes for the best possible outcome.

[SkiFletch]

Wow, that's a whole heaping pile of lame Bev, so sorry to hear that. Will definitely say some prayers for the both of you. Whatever you need, just ask

[mymom]

Bev- so sorry to hear this. You did not cause anything so I would not focus on that. I will say a prayer for you both.

[chrissyrice]

I am praying for you and your husband.

[beth568]

My dear Bev, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. Not what you need, certainly not what you deserve, and MOST DEFINITELY not something you've caused (but you know that).

My heart is with you, as are my hopes that you and your husband will find a way to get through this. Perhaps this difficult mess will find a way to bring you closer.

[Guinevere]

I, too, am so sorry for this, Bev. You know you didn't cause it because thoughts are just that - thoughts. If you had that kind of power, you wouldn't be in the physical mess you've been in, right?
I'll be praying for a better dx than it looks like at this moment and for you to have the strength to go through whatever it is with him whether he deserves it or not.
I'm also sending a hug 'cause, girl, you need it!!

[IceGal]

Dear Bev,

I'm new here, so I hope you don't mind my responding, but there are a few things that I think you really need to know.

First, please try to forget the guilts - you did NOT cause this.

Second, please try to get some outside help for your sake - I don't think there are many people who have the tools on their own to know how to deal with things like this.

Third, please know that there are many different types of lymphoma, and that they are all very different from solid-tissue cancers such as colorectal cancer. Stage IV is just as treatable as Stage I for lymphomas, because they are all systemic cancers. The indolent versions, such as follicular, aren't considered curable, but are considered treatable (I personally know folks who are 20 years past diagnosis), while the b-cell aggressive versions, such as diffuse large b cell, have an excellent prognosis regardless of staging. A really good site for information on lymphomas is http://www.lymphomation.org. This is a patient website that is science based.

Fourth, there is an on-line support group for lymphomas at http://forums.lymphoma.com/index.php that is much like this one --- full of friendly, knowledgeable folks who will be there to support you all the way through this.

My first husband passed away 8 years ago from lymphoma and it was the info and support from both of those sites that really helped both of us throughout his illness. He had a very rare type of lymphoma, so please don't be scared that he didn't make it - it's extremely unlikely that your husband has the same type.

I don't have enough posts in yet to send you a pm, but please drop me a note if you want to chat about lymphoma (or anything else) and I'll figure out a way to get back to you.

Sending you strongest thoughts...

[pmterra]

Wow, I'm so sorry Bev! First for making light of the fact that you were were about ready to clock him after his surgery. I didn't have any idea how serious your marital issues were and how much you were struggling to keep it together. Secondly, for having to go thru this whole thing as a caregiver! Not that the caregiver role is more difficult but it's definitely different. I agree with all the others in saying that your thought about him going thru chemo had anything at all to do with what's going on. Although, it may explain a lot about his behavior towards you during your dx and treatment.

Before my husband was diagnosed he was very anemic and his brain wasn't working normally. He was forgetting things and I remember being mad at him b/c I thought he was doing it on purpose...sort of having a selective memory. He couldn't multi-task and would blame me for interrupting his routines and "making" him forget things. We had some of our biggest and most heated arguments then. I felt horrible that I didn't put all the signs together and figure out that something wasn't right and thought maybe if I would have, his cancer wouldn't have progressed as far as it did. I know now that it wasn't my fault - I was living in my happy little world where thoughts of cancer or serious illness were far, far away. Even after he was going thru chemo and was very self centered in how this whole thing was affecting our family, I had a thought that maybe if I got cancer, he'd know how it feels to watch someone you love go thru hell and live with the fear that you might lose that person. I'm really ashamed of that thought!!!!

The point being that you did recognize that something wasn't right and took action. Only a loving, caring spouse does that. Please don't punish yourself for being human. My prayers are with that things are not as bad as they seem and maybe this will be a wake up call for your DH to realize what a wonderful wife he has and how easily that can be lost. love and hugs....

Paula

[Grace14]

I am so sorry to hear this news!! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Mojo]

Bev, so sorry to hear this, I certainly will be praying for you both. Sometimes you wonder why bad things have to happe? But we just go around or through them. He is blessed to have such a smart person for a wife. Sending you a hug

[elissa]

My dear Bev,
I had been very worried about you lately as you were noticably absent. Then I saw your post last week, and was very concerned. I am so, so sorry for all you are going through. Those "thoughts", well you need to just let them go, or they will become a poison eating away at you. I pray that they are wrong about your husband and that is it something less severe. If not, I am very sad to welcome you to the wives club. I am sending you only the most positive of thoughts and prayers. Hope to hear something good from you soon.
Love,
Elissa

[sweeny]

Oh Bev, I am so sorry to hear this news. I've just seen another post from Janey regarding her mother. It really does feel like this year has started off badly for some of our members. Please get rid of any lingering doubts that some thoughts you may or may not have had, caused this. You know better than that ! This is just a horrible, horrible dose of bad luck. I wish I could say something other than my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope it turns out to be a false alarm. If it is Lymphoma, then please may it be early early stage. Incidentally, my newphew was diagnosed with Lymphoma just a few weeks shy of his 18th birthday, and almost 3 years to the day he's doing real good right now, and another good friend of mine is 10 years out of a Lymphoma diagnosis.

Stay strong,
x

[clarabelle64]

Bev, I am with you, praying and thinking of you as you face this new challenge with your husband. I feel sad that you are still fighting your own monster and now this evil has been waiting to pounce....stay strong and calm....as you advise so many of us here my dear, one day at a time, one breath at a time,
every best wish
Clarabelle XX

[Seriously, WTF?]

Bev,
I have no words to express how I feel. You are a HUGE rock of support in my journey. I send you so much love, hugs, and prayers. xoxoxoxo <3 <3 <3 <3 <3