Good grief. I've got an appt to see my onc at 10 am tomorrow to go over Friday's scan results and I am GOING OUT OF MY MIND. I was doing reasonably well until yesterday, and now the scanxiety is really getting to me.
I'm freaking out because I've had sciatica-like symptoms for about 3 weeks now. Numbness and pain in the back of my left leg, radiating down into my calf. At first I thought I'd just pulled a hamstring, but it's clearly more than just that - the feeling extends too far, and it's not responding to the PT that I usually do when I have a large muscle problem.
So of course, in the wee hours of the morning when I wake up because my leg hurts and can't get back to sleep, I start thinking that I've had a recurrence and that something is pressing on my sciatic nerve. It doesn't help that my post surgery/pre chemo scan in June showed a 1 cm mass of "soft tissue" in the presacral space. The radiologist said it was most likely evidence of post-surgical changes, but that there was also a slight possibility that it was a recurrence and wanted it carefully monitored.
Ugh. I know that there are plenty of other reasons my leg could be feeling this way. Perhaps it's related to my oxaliplatin-induced neuropathy (has anyone had numbness/pain radiating up into the legs with neuropathy in feet, too?). But you all know how easy it is to overthink these things and go to the worst possible place. I guess I just have to live with this for another day and remind myself that, no matter what the news is tomorrow morning, at least I'll know how to move forward.
I swear, the uncertainty and waiting has been more difficult for me than almost any aspect of treatment.
Beth dx @age 42, Jan '11
RC, T2or3NxM0 (stage IIIA/IIIB)
6 wks chemorad Feb - Mar '11
LAR 5/23/11, staged T2N1bM0 (2 of 15 nodes positive)
8 rounds FOLFOX, June-Oct. 2011
clear scans Nov '11, May '12, Nov '12, May '13 http://www.mysemicolon.net