You know its bad when the Onc calls 2 hrs later...

[jmarie]

Pretty devastated...Bone scan and CT scan showed spinal mets, the worst of it is in my mid back(Thoracic) where most of my pain is. Since I am having this shooting pain and numbness down my arm and into two fingers they believe it is already pressing on my spinal cord. He said this is a "rare oncology emergency, we have to act immediately". At first he was trying to get me in tonight for the thoracic MRI, but it wasn't looking like it was going to work out very well. Since I am already scheduled for a brain MRI first thing in the morning they scheduled a thoracic MRI right afterwards. I am scheduled for Lumbar and cervical spine MRI's on Monday to check out the smaller mets in those areas.

They are afraid the tumor will cut off my spinal cord, paralyzing me. I have been ordered to do nothing, no lifting, climbing or walking until we know how bad it is. I am just absolutely devastated and scared out of my mind. The slightest slip or wrong move can cut my spinal cord, paralyzing me. Doctor said they will probably start radiation tomorrow. The clinical trial is out of the picture now, whack-a-mole continues. Any new symptoms or pains I was told don't even call first, just go straight to the ER. I am in a pretty dark place right now, flashbacks from when I found out I was stage IV.

It is official, I am no longer able to care for my daughter by myself, this is what I have dreaded most since I was dxd, over the last month I knew this time was coming soon, but this is a little too soon for me. November 25th is going to be 3 years since my dx, I should be happy that I lasted this long as her main caretaker, but at this moment it is just devastating.

[janklo]

Oh my gosh Jess, I am so sorry! I pray that you can find some relief to your pain and nothing else goes wrong! I hope you can spend as much time with your beautiful Lilliana. You have been such a strong woman all along, keep it going!

[KimT]

Sorry. Man that blows. Hope they can get it under control quickly so you can maintain your mobility.

[fritts44]

That is totally devastating. I'm so sorry! I really don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry & I hope the radiation works quickly so that you can get back to where you THOUGHT you would be right now -- entering one of these trials.

Lee F.

[dianne052506]

I'm so sorry, Jessica. Praying hard for you,
Dianne

[jjlist]

you are one tough lady

this makes me sad

[NWgirl]

You may no longer be her main caretaker but you will always be her mother and she will always know how much you love her. Sending prayers and love your way Jess, I'm so sorry; I know this is the last thing you wanted to hear right now.

[beth568]

Damn, Jess. I hate that this is happening to you. At least you've now got docs who are on top of this immediately.

And, as Belle said - your baby knows her mama and will love you just the same. Taking care of yourself right now is a way of taking care of her, too.

I wish I could do something to take this all away from you...here's hoping the radiation can relieve some of that pressure soon so that your activity's not so limited. You know you are in all of our hearts as you undertake this treatment.

[Cj51]

Oh no, Jess, I'm so sorry to hear this news. It just stinks. I agree with Beth--taking care of yourself is a good way to also take care of your sweet Lilli. She is old enough to know that you are her mama, and that you love her beyond words. Having someone in to help take care of her won't change her perception of you as Mama. They are so unutterably sweet at this age, I bet she'll be giving you more hugs and snuggles than ever. They're good for your soul.

I am glad to hear that your docs are on top of this, and are doing everything they can to beat the beast back and keep your mobility intact. Best wishes on the best possible outcomes and the smoothest transition to the next steps tomorrow.

Strongest thoughts, prayers, and virtual hugs coming your way.

Take care,
Cj

[ams5796]

Jess, I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Ann

[Grace14]

I am so sorry!! You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

[chrissyrice]

Jess, I am so sorry. This news just sucks; we have all been so hopeful for you and getting in the trial. You are so amazing in dealing with this news after all you have been through. Staying hopeful for you always.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Lisa]

I am so sorry to hear this. Please know that you will be in our thoughts. I know that although you may not be the primary caregiver, you are still the world to your beautiful little girl. You are such an inspiration to everyone and continue to be.

[Staci's team]

Jess, it's major sucknitude. Know that I'll be joining the many others who are sending prayers and healing thoughts to you and your docs.

[thiemanndi]

This just sucks big time!! Be strong, Jess. Praying for you and your family.
Dianne