My Dad Died Yesterday

[DaniInMaine]

Hey Eric,

Sheesh, go away for a day or two and.....well, sorry I didn't see this yesterday. Can't imagine what you're goi g through and processing, but I DO know it will all take some time. So many layers to work through and on so many different levels. All of our thoughts are with you. So sorry for not only the loss of your Dad, but all the rest of the "stuff" that goes with that. Dani

[Augustine]

Hi Eric,

Am sadden by your loss, my thoughts and prayers to both you and your family.

Augustine

[weisssoccermom]

Eric,
I'm very sorry to hear this news. Mourning & grieving can take quite a long time and differ from person to person. Don't be surprised that you aren't completely done with this - if we ever truly are. You are very fortunate that you were able to spend time with your dad not so long ago - cherish the memories of those last times with your dad. While you need to be there for your mom, remember to take care of yourself as well.

The next few days/weeks will be difficult but know that all of us are here for you if you ever need to talk. Lean on your family and friends to help you get through these tough times. Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you, your mom and the rest of your family right now.

Jaynee

[BrownBagger]

Thanks so much, everyone, for your support and thoughtful comments.

I'm doing OK, but as many of you pointed out, this is a long process of adjustment and at the moment, I'm pretty busy with work deadlines, my own medical appointments, etc., to dwell on the loss, which on balance is probably a good thing. But it hurts.

My dad and I had a special relationship--one that he didn't have with his dad and I don't have with my son. For us, it was based on friendship and mutual admiration and respect. As the years passed and our relationship matured, I think we both came to realize just how rare and precious that was. And I think we took full advantage of it--right up to the end.

My emotions are complicated greatly by the fact that I'm facing death myself from pretty much the same disease. Seeing how devastating my dad's death has been to my mom and sister, I panic when I think about how they're going to react when I die. Hopefully we're talking about a matter of years, but seeing how quickly my dad succumbed, I realize that anything is possible. I would desperately like to prepare them, and the rest of my immediate family, for that, but I don't think that's possible. So that's what's really been bugging me over the past couple of days.

As for my own kids, I have a relationship with my daughter, thankfully, that's very similar to the one I had with my dad. So, when I'm gone, she's going to lose something that she had. My son is going to miss something that we both wish we had, but never did. I don't know which is going to be worse. I suspect the latter, though I suppose it gets down to personalities rather than logic.

On balance, I think it's better to know you're going to die and have time to prepare for it; prepare your loved ones. People who go out in a ball of flames tend to leave a mess behind for their survivors to clean up. I think that just makes it worse, plus there's always the guilt at not having been able to express whatever you wanted to express to the dearly departed, but never had the chance. So, this is the way to go. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier.

Just had to get that off my chest. Thanks.

[stpio]

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Thoughts and prayers

[Fede]

Hi, Brown

I have no word for you, only I can say you try to continue fighting, you are strong...

A hag for you.

Frederick

[Craig B]

My deepest condolences! Now live a long time to give testimonial as a witness of your fathers life!!!

[jobasar]

Eric,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father and I am thinking of you during this tough time in your life. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Allie

[JennyB]

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[KarMel]

Eric,

Heartfelt condolences to you on your father's death. To deal with this and also cancer of my own illness would have me floundering. Your strength and courage amaze me.

I wish you peace.

[Seriously, WTF?]

Eric,
When I read what you wrote about your relationship with your dad and what you have with your kids...it made me stop to think. I often wish things were a certain way with my sons and Mike. They both get along with him in their own ways and sometimes I wish it would be more than what i see as an outsider looking in. When I read what you wrote about personalities, it made me realize that is exactly what it is. You can't pretend things to be a certain way and FIX other things to fit into what you think should be the perfect "FATHER/SON" relationship. It pretty much is what it is...plain ans simple. I never really gave it much thought but when I read your post it all made sense. Thanks <3

[DEB]

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you...Deb

[wifeandmom]

Oh Eric! I'm so sorry for your loss.

[tammylayne]

Hi Eric. I am so sorry for your loss. I have been away from the board, or would have posted much sooner.

I hope with all my heart that your many loving memories from over the years help to get you to that place where the pain is a little less, the warm memories a little more.

Please be kind to yourself.

Tammylayne

[shabbysheep]

Dear Eric,
My deepest sympathies to you. My mom also died of cancer (lymphoma) in September. I think it's hard because we want to be there for our parents, and yet have so much to do with our own health challenges at the same time. My advice is to allow yourself time to mourn even if you knew it was coming.

Take good care,
Jill