I just need somewhere to vent my feelings

[Mali]

Some of you may have been reading the ongoing story of my Mum. She is due to have a CAT scan and we have been given some hope that she may be considered for chemo.
(Recurrant liver mets after resection.)

I sit here and write this and feel furious and upset. My 9 year old boy has just cautiously asked me if boys have periods. My answer was of course 'no.' but I asked straight away if he had been bleeding whilst passing stools.

(When he was around 6 he had been diagnosed with a tear. I remember freaking when I saw the blood on the toilet paper, not in front of him of course.) He was then referred for a year to the paediatrician and after taking laxatives and concentrating on incorporating fruits galore into the diet, the problem went.

Tonight he has just told me there is blood on the toilet roll when he goes to the toilet. I'm devastated. I almost snapped at my poor Mum who is practically bed ridden when she complained that she has been on her own upstairs for several hours. I feel like i'm being pulled in all directions and just want some space, peace and happiness.

I'm so sorry for my little boy, I could just read that he's really worried, the poor thing. I'm praying that this is just another tear or that he wiped his bum too hard. I'm sick to death of all this. If he still has a problem by Wednesday I shall take him to the doctor again.

Please God, it's nothing else.

This feels like the last straw. I've really had enough. I come to you guys, and ask you for your patience if i'm not as positive as most of you are, but I really need to feel sad right now.

Mali.

[Goofydad]

Mali,

It's OK to be sad, angry, confused...all of the above. And sometimes all at the same time. This is a terribly stressful time for you, and your little boy's news is certainly a concern given the family history. (Back to the pediatrician, please!)

However, this is a great place to vent. I would also recommend that you speak to the oncology center, most have on staff a therapist to help families and patients deal with the stresses of the illness.

I would also recommend that you schedule a day or more a month to try to get away, mayhap with your mate. Get a sitter or other family member (again, the counselor may be helpful here,) and go on a date. Go to dinner. Watch a movie. Do something outside the house and away from the stressors.

Please. The disease is disabling enough on the patient, it need not cripple you emotionally, and believe me when I say it places great strain on a relationship. Take time to have a life for yourself and family, as regular a life as possible.

And good luck. We're all in this together, kiddo...

Glenn

[Dot]

Hi Mali:

You must take a least a few hours to get away & get out of the house. Have dinner with a friend or just go over and visit with a friend.

After my husband was first diagnosed and had surgery I rarely left his side. I found it difficult when someone asked how he was doing and all I could do was cry.

I went to see my own Doctor and he was so kind and patient with me. He said the best thing I could do for my husband now was to keep myself well. He explained that there would be friends who might avoid me because they would feel helpless and then there would be friends that would give so much of themselves as their way to help. I have a few friends that I can call or visit who have been so supportive to me.

We have 5 children, 4 girls and 1 boy. Two of the girls are done with college and on their own, 2 are away in school and my son just turned 15.
Some days I too feel the drain of taking care of the household, being a mother and working.

Please try to take time for yourself. I found that work does help me keep my mind busy, I try to eat well and take my vitamins daily.

You do need to make an appointment for your son to see his Doctor. He may only be constipated, but you need to check it out. Also, he would benefit from talking to a counselor. I am sure he is so scared right now and worried about you and his Gram. It is hard to try to keep life as normal as we can for our children.

And, by all means, come to this site to vent! Just writing to you makes me feel better.

Hang in there and keep us posted.

[Mali]

Thanks so much for your responses, GoofyDad and Dot.

I'm relieved to know that my rantings are not frowned upon here, but welcomed. I have no other place to vent them at the moment. You are fast becoming dearer friends in all of this than the people who I get to see and purport to be friends.

This is so sad to say, i'm almost ashamed and sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me, in terms of my friends here ALL having done disappearing acts since Mum has been so ill. I have one friend who is very sweet but is not capable of talking with me about my situation. The others are there rarely on the internet and two, who were almost like sisters once haven't contacted me for ages. I feel a bitterness towards my 'friends' that you cannot imagine. It makes it worse that I am a lone parent (no partner to bounce things off with) and living in my parents home, where I am not king of my own castle. It's a combination of catastrophes.

I do however, have one escape route, I do manage to get a 20 minute swim in about once a week.

We are such a small unit. It is Mum, Dad, my little boy and I. And that's it...I have extended family in the form of cousins and aunts, uncles, but hey, they've made no attempt to be there. I sometimes cry out for a close and dear friend and you guys are fast becoming it.

Dot, you're right, it is very difficult keeping things as normal as possible for the children. How do you cope now, what stage is your husband at in his battle? You have a huge family by the sounds of things - I trust they bring you peace.

And yes, Dot and Goofy Dad, I most certainly will take my son back to the doctor. First thing Monday I'll make the appointment. I really find it hard to believe it would be anything more than a tear, I find the alternative hurts me to even think about. He's only 9 for god's sake. Surely it cannot be anything else.

I'll let you know.

Goofy Dad and Dot - thanks so much for your responses as always. You bring so much comfort. I hope I bring an element of comfort to you too, even if I appear to be the needy one at present.

Take care all and keep well.
Mali

[Dana]

Hi Mali,
as I previoulsy said in my post I lost my mum to Colon Cancer Stage IV (liver was almost entirely covered with mets).
She found out last october and the surgeon decided to resect the colon even if he realised there was nothing he could do.
We were that maybe it was better not to try chemo and that probably she wouldn't have been around at Christmas.
We took her to several other consultants (we couldn't give) up mainly because doctors in Italy are wonderful scientists, lots of money is spent on research but they have no good ways with patients and aren't really clear in giving out info (I now know having being to top places in Italy) so we thought we had hope even if we didn't.
She started chemo with Xeloda and would have started Oxaliplatin. This was our hope as a lady we met had done 4 cycles of Oxaliplatin combined with Xeloda and had being given a 3 month survival is now doing extremely well after 2 years (colon stage IV 70% mets on liver abd 20% on lungs). Her mets on her liver have gone down to 30%.
So try. Trying is better than giving up.
My aunt in London was diagnosed stage I colon rectum cancer. Has had resection, the bag, and 3 cycles of chemo and has been declared out of danger. She went to the Royal Marsden in London. If you want I can ask for doctor's name.

Finally. Be with your mother as much as you can. It's so hard.
After surgery my mum spent time at my home (1 month) as I live in Central Italy while she lived in South. It was hard taking care of her and the kids but I'm so happy she was here and that I managed to spend time with her down south too. We don't know how long we have (we had only 5 months) so we must make the best of it. They' re precious moments. I had a wonderful mum and a great relationship with her and spending her last months with her really means a lot now that she's gone.
Please be strong
Take care
Dana

[Mali]

Dot - thank you for your personal message. I tried to send you one. Please let me know if you received it. I'm new to this site so am not really much of a dab hand. If you didn't get it, let me know what to do and i'll send you another.


Dana-I'm sorry I can't take the time I want to write to you at the moment. My little boy is demanding my time. I promise I will write back to you in the next couple of days. (I am also half Italian. We go to Sardegna regularly.)

I am terribly sorry for your loss Dana and I hope that this site will provide you with some relief. I want to thank you for the trouble you've taken in writing such comforting words to me when you have experienced such a sad loss.

I will be in touch soon.

Arriverderci, Mali. (Amalia.)