My mum just died

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Dana

My mum just died

Postby Dana » Fri Mar 17, 2006 5:03 pm

:( Hello. My mun passed away exactly a month ago. She had stage IV colon cancer. It was didcovered last october but the cancer had already spread to the liver, lungs and brain.
Throughout her illness I read alll comments on this website (thank you) and everything helped but it was too late. I hope I'll feel better in time but I truly miss her.
Good luck to everyone. Be brave.

Terry Miller
Posts: 72
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2005 12:45 pm

So sorry!

Postby Terry Miller » Fri Mar 17, 2006 5:42 pm

Hi Dana,
My sympathy goes out to you at the loss of your mother. There is one thing that you can do to honor her life and that is to stay aware of your own health. My mom had Stage 1 CC in 1994. That was my wake up call that I almost ignored. I had my first colonoscopy in 1999 and I, too, had Stage 1 CC. The genetic predisposition to this disease cannot be ignored. Best of health to you and other family members in the future. I know the loss is painful, but the knowledge that this "demon" may strike you or another family member is priceless. The easiest cures always comes with early detection.
Sincerely,
Terry

Holly
Posts: 537
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2005 11:06 pm

Wow

Postby Holly » Fri Mar 17, 2006 6:32 pm

Dana,

I am so sorry for your loss of your mummy. I welcome you to the colon club and I hope that you will find comfort, support and encouragement as I have over the past year. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!

Hugs!

Holly

janb
Posts: 154
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:21 pm
Location: Somers, Connecticut
Contact:

Postby janb » Sat Mar 18, 2006 11:02 am

Dear Dana,
I am sorry for the loss of your mother, I lost my brother to colon cancer also. I assume your mother was young. My brother was 48 when he died and had symptoms for 10 years. Although he visited his doctor, they never suggested a colonoscopy. When it was finally detected, it too was much too late. Your Mom didn't die in vain, her passing is a wake up call to all those in your family to get checked on a regular basis. My brother said "my death will save your life." This has come true as all his siblings have been screened (5 of them) and three of us had issues. I miss my brother and keep him "alive" through my website - spreading the word about colon cancer in a strage but effective way. I leave you with a beautiful poem that I hope gives you comfort - author unknown:

We commit thy body to the earth.
We cover thee with the garments of nature and tuck thee snuggly in.
We spread over thee the beautiful green of summer, the spotless white of winter.
Thy memory to us is as fragrant as the rose, and as everlasting as the evergreen.

Ron50
Posts: 699
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2006 7:04 pm

Postby Ron50 » Sat Mar 18, 2006 6:01 pm

(((((((((((((Dana))))))))))))) so sorry for your loss,Ron.

Dana

Thank you

Postby Dana » Sun Mar 19, 2006 11:10 am

Thank you all for your kind replies. I forgot to mention that I live in Italy and my mother was Irish. This month here is dedicated to coloncancer prevention. The symbol chosen is a lovely red apple from the outside but rotten inside.
I now know prevention is important and have booked my colonscopy in May (I need a few months as now am under stress). I have always suffered from irritable bowel syndrome.
But my mother NEVER had any symtom in her life.
Worse is that my Dad's sister who lives in London has Stage 2 colon cancer so I am at risk from both sides of my family.
I will look after my health and spread word to everyone. Doctors seem to ignore all symptoms so it's up to us.
Terry may I ask you how old are? I'm 40 and my mother was 61.
Love to all
Dana

mscheryl103
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2006 11:05 pm
Location: Missouri

Dana so sorry for your loss

Postby mscheryl103 » Mon Mar 20, 2006 11:14 pm

my Husband had stage 1 colon cancer which is normally curable, he had an infection however, and was in the hospital for 17 days the first time. He's cancer free at this time. He's started participating in Relay for life.. thanks to both of my children. He's 49 and they are 21 and 18. without both of them I don't know how I would have made it. it's been alil over 2 years since his bout. He had to have colostymy bag and ileostomy bag. He said if he knew he was going to feel the way he does today he would have just kept the bag.. He has a bathroom situation and has to watch what he eats but other than that He's alive.. that's what is important. He appreciates life more and understands how others feel about things. During his time we loss to close friends and we thought he was going to be number 3,,, Any comments I'm here.. wife of 28 years and rolling..
:)

Dana
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 3:39 am
Location: Italy

One month

Postby Dana » Tue Mar 21, 2006 4:02 am

Hi
I'm here again.
Today (21st) is the first month since my mum left us.
But it's great to know that so many are rolling and we must believe there is hope. I now firmly believe that more should be said and done about prevention.
love to all.
Ciao Mali, take care.
Dana

Guest

Postby Guest » Wed Mar 22, 2006 1:17 am

Dana,
I am so sorry for your loss. My father died at age 45 and I was diagnoised at age 41 with stage 4. I have lost 2 girlfriends to this disease one 13 days ago. It is so very sad . I believe education is the key. for the public for the primary care drs . With education comes the power to help ourselves. Tomarrow 500 children are wearing blue for colon cancer awareness. The parents received a note about the day. Maybe I encouraged someone to be screened its not alot but its a start in my community. I am trying to do something with my sadness. Good luck
my heart goes out to you
Anita

northern lights
Posts: 127
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:48 am
Location: Yellowknife, Northwest Territories

Postby northern lights » Wed Mar 22, 2006 11:35 am

I have a really naive question to ask to those who have lost friends and family. Why are they dying? Is it late detections? Bad medical advise? other medical complications?

I hear so much about all the new chemo regimes, I find it very sad that so many people are dying. Maybe if I new more, since it is not documented much, I could help others up here that haven't been detected yet.

Dana
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 3:39 am
Location: Italy

WHY?

Postby Dana » Thu Mar 23, 2006 3:55 am

Hi Northern Lights,
First of all good luck for chemo. Stay strong.
In my mother's case her illness was detected too late, last october.
As we know in the majority of cases colon cancer has already spread when detected but more attentive doctors could help.
In May my mother had carried out blood tests: sugar levels were high, iron low and the VES was 80 (don't know english name of this but it says if infections are in body).
Her doctor said that she probably had diabetes; her iron was always low so he gave her supplements and put the VES down to a tooth infection.
I have been told by other doctors that the tests said it all.
But her doctor didn't see.
It was too late anyway.
She never suffered pain in her abdomen but after breaking a leg in October 2004 she never seemed the same again (no tests were carried out while she was in hospital).
My mum was a very discreet lady and hated going to doctors in Italy because of the lack of “respect” towards patients. No curtains around beds and if in a ward all the other patients get to see a full view of your intimate parts without even knowing your name.
She hated this and avoided any standard check up. This didn't help.
This is important because many people don’t feel comfortable talking about their toilet habits or dread having to get naked in front of strangers and this delays the detection of cancer
Besides this had her doctor asked her if she had a family history of polyps maybe she would have been detected earlier. My grandmother suffered throughout her life and had polyps removed several times in Ireland.
Out of fear of diabetes she gave up sweets and lost so much weight so when hospitalised at beginning of September she was extremely weak. The doctors had suspects but let mum go to New York as planned (I’m glad she went, now). In the meantime the doctors informed us of the suspects they had and we booked her into a specialised hospital.

So end of September we found out mum had colon cancer stage IV. I began searching the web and found this colonclub website. I read stories of many stage IV survivors so didn’t really worry too much… at first. WE met so many people who had got through and my aunt in London had just been declared cancer free of stage 2 colon rectum cancer.
But my mother’s liver was totally covered with mets. Cancer cells were everywhere and the liver veins were blocked. It was late. The surgeon removed the entire colon and this gave her relief as she wasn’t in much pain till a few days before dying.
She was supposed to start chemo in November (Xeloda and then Oxaliplatin) but blood values weren’t right till December so she had one cycle of Xeloda. She seemed stronger but values weren’t good and had to stop.
Xeloda didn’t even get close to her liver as the veins were blocked.
Oncologist told us to stop but then after our insistence decided to start her on Cetuximab. She had one bottle, tests were better and doctor said she could have had another shot after 21 days.
We now know that there was only vitamins in the bottle and the doctor knew she had only a week or two left but didn't want to take hope away .
Anyway she’s gone.
What I know now is that prevention is the weapon in our hands. It’s not true that it appears only after 60. There are so many young people. A lady in my town died at 44 two weeks ago.
We mustn’t be shy or coy. It’s not nice to have a tube up your…. But there isn’t much choice. We must learn to talk to doctors if they don’t ask info we must give it to them. Mine knew my mum had just died and never mentioned I needed screening, I had to tell him…..

I’m having my colonoscopy end on May and am really scared , I think I will have blood tests first and maybe a scan in order to be more relaxed when I go. I am a IBS sufferer since very young and never even imagined that it could turn into something else. Hope all is well.
I’m telling everyone about the illness and I hope I’ve scared a few people.
So to honour and not waste my mother’s death I seriously intend to do something to help people know more about this silent killer.
That’s all. Time and prevention.
Lots of love to everyone
Dana

northern lights
Posts: 127
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:48 am
Location: Yellowknife, Northwest Territories

Postby northern lights » Thu Mar 23, 2006 10:40 am

Dana,

Thank you for sharing your story. I have stage III cancer now and am just starting the first round of chemo.

I too will be doing everything I can to raise awareness. I realize how lucky I am that the first doctor I saw knew there was something wrong and sent me for a colonoscopy. I am only 34. Test was on 23 Dec, Scan on 3 Jan and surgery 10 Jan. It all happened really fast.

Good luck with your scan. The docs here put you right out, not just a sedative. It's the way to go because you wake up and it is all over. No pain and the results are immediate, no waiting. Take someone with you though. It is always good to have a friend close by.

Sharon

Guest

My Mum Just Died

Postby Guest » Thu Mar 23, 2006 3:21 pm

Hi Dana,

I had too write to you because everything you have gone through is what i have recently gone through too.

My mum (aged 55) was dx with colon cancer IV with met to liver/lungs. We found out in august and was told it was terminal (worst day of my life). They said things to my mum like was there anywhere she'd like to go on holiday (as if any of us were in a fit state to enjoy it if there was!!) They tried mum with xeloda 8 weeks afte dx , and after 4 weeks mum started deteriating quickly.

Even then we still thought there might be a miracle and maybe they have got it all wrong, because i read so many stories with people having stage IV with mets and they live, i can only guess that my mum like your mum the cancer had spread too much. My mum died 12 weeks after dx, still feels like its a bad dream and life will be ok for us all again (dad, brother, sister etc)

I can only hope that one day i can come to terms with this dreaded disease that tore the family apart.

Take care

marie

Dana
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 3:39 am
Location: Italy

Thank you all

Postby Dana » Sat Mar 25, 2006 5:14 am

Hi again,
bad day for me as I'm at my parent's house down south for the weekend and it's the first time I've been back since mum passed away.
It's hard, really hard.
Marie I'm so sorry for you, I now know that there is nothing right to say but I'd just love to embrace you with all my heart.
My mum too was allowed to go on holiday to New York in mid sept, the doctor told us to let her go or we might regret it without explaining what there suspects really were. I'm glad she went. She was ospitalised the day after return and..........
Marie I'm here if you need to talk and you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Northern lights thank you too. I just wanted to inform you that I've been told that here in Italy they don't put you to sleep during colonoscopy but spray some anestesic on your ... and you can watch your insides on screen (can't wait).
Lots of love to all
Take care
Dana
P.S. Mali, how are you?

mariea

My Mum Just Died

Postby mariea » Sat Mar 25, 2006 2:30 pm

Hi Dana,

thankyou for your kind words. i am having an emotional weekend what with it being mothering sunday!!!!! Everything is going to be a 1st....

I still go to my parents house most days now (to see my dad) and i still expect to see mum in the kitchen making dinner or in her favourite chair reading her magazines. I went to Vegas for new year to get away from things but it was hard coming home knowing she would of loved to hear all about it and i would of loved telling her about it also. Mum was'nt one for holidays she was just happy having her husband and family around (brother, sister and 4 grandchildren). My brother and sister have their own children (i dont have any) so i suppose i find it hard as i have not got a family to focus. i know in time things will get easier.

Take care

marie


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