How do you move on?

[alive]

A year ago I was diagnosed with RC stage III. I spent last summer vacation with my bag and made daily visits to the CC to moon and be zapped then returned to work. I took a short leave to hang out at the hospital for a resection (no bag) then home and returned to work. I continued four months of chemo and now here I am on vacation once again, perhaps with all of this so far behind me (yet looking over my shoulder) but I have joined this club I never asked to join and emotions are still raw. Many people in my world have no idea what I went through and this really helped me to move through my daily world. But now, I have this odd feeling. I should be celebrating and not looking over my shoulder, I know.

I bring this up as a new thread topic because I bet you folks in NEDland and even those not, have some great strategies for emotionally moving on. So just as many wrote what they are doing/giving up to stay healthy, what are your other strategies for simply moving on with life. I love the one about avoiding negative folks. How do you celebrate? Rituals? Routines?

Stil yet to meet a person face to face who has walked this path which is hard to believe with all of you out there!

Thank you.

[BrownBagger]

I exercise a lot and try to live my life as though I never had cancer. I also realized at one point that worrying about cancer recurring is a big waste of time, since there's really not much you can do about it and nothing good ever comes of it. Realizing that and making it happen are two very different things, but I was able to make it happen (for the most part).

[SoCalSaz]

As BrownBagger says, I really look at worrying (at least worrying very much!) as completely unproductive and therefore unappealing. And I don't just mean that abstractly: when I find myself fretting (about anything, really, not just cancer), I ask myself explicitly" "is worrying about this, in and of itself, going to allow me to change anything in a positive manner?" The answer is almost invariably NO.

I also don't fret too much because I'm (relatively) in tune with the idea that, hey, I'm going to die someday of something anyway. I'm sure some people will find this morbid, but I find it really liberating. All human being are mortal, not just those of us with cancer or similar serious medical conditions. We cancer patients are not in some sort of fight for our life that everyone else gets to sidestep; we're just in more direct confrontation than most people. I might die of cancer. I might die in a car crash. I might die of a stroke in my 80s in the middle of the dessert course with a smile on my face. None of it is knowable or in my control.

So that leaves me with what is in my control: my mind set and my behavior. Moving on, for me, has meant cultivating a sense of gratitude about things both large and small, and trying every day to return the kindness and compassion that's been shown to me by being kinder and more compassionate to the people around me (whether family, friends, colleagues, or strangers). Everyone is fighting some sort of difficult battle, even if we can't see it or if that battle doesn't happen to be cancer. In one way or another, we're all pretty much in the same boat.

It has also meant a recognition and a re-energizing of focusing more on the things that really matter to me -- the things I want to do or experience in whatever time I have left (whether it's a week or a couple of years or several decades). I feel really strongly that I didn't get my life back in order to squander it on being unhappy. So I'm getting back to a couple of creative hobbies/pursuits that I put aside a few years ago, simply because they give me pleasure and help me feel more engaged in the world. My partner and I are making more concrete plans (and putting more money into savings) to travel more. I decided to let go once and for all, as best I can, of my little mini-squabbles that I seem to have been having with my mom for the past several years. Life's too short -- and at the same time, too long! -- not to do any of this.

Or as someone once said to me much more succinctly: Take care of the present, and the future will take care of itself.

(Congrats on being NED, by the way!!)

[jjlist]

I wish i knew how to move on. my week is a roller coaster, up a slow climb of constipation to the top , then the gates of hell open and i am confined to my bathroom for hours. usually a 2 to 3 day cycle. I really miss being able to eat the way i used to. I love to cook and try new foods. My neuropathy bugs the crap of out me. I also have this sense of doom waitng for the other shoe to drop. My last scans picked up a benign tumor on my pituatary gland. I am meeting with an endcrinolgoist friday to find out what types of hormonal supplements i will probably have to take for the rest of my life. I am pretty sure it will include some testosterone, mabye that will energize me! I feel so tired all the time. I am developing a cataract in my right eye. Nothing really abnormal about that at my age, until the dr said the chemo could have accelerated the growth of the cataract. So i havent gotten my MOJO back. I dont think i ever will, too much has happened. I am however ecstatic about my first grandchild coming this August! I am a big softie with kids. I raised 4 boys.

[patricia]

I loved SoCalSaz's post. Said everything I feel and believe way better than I've heard it before. My sweetheart said when I was diagnosed that it felt like "we were driving along a road minding our own business and a drawbridge went up. we weren't going anywhere we wanted until that drawbridge went down". Well, the drawbridge just went down after 18 months (at the moment I am NED) and we are going to start driving along a road again, only this time, we are going to be mindful about what we do with our time and our choices because the bridge could go up again, anytime... So, RC is an awful experience, and i am going to be always scared about tests in case it recurs, but I am not going to allow myself to waste today living with cancer fright.

[Ashlee H.]

Unfortunately, for me I'll probably never be able to put it behind me, but doesn't mean I have to give it all my time either. Cancer made me get my life and affairs in order. It showed me who my true friends are. I may die younger than the average age, but at least I don't have to worry about Dementia/Alzheimers. I have a friend who has ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) - and has dealt with it for over 16 years! (She told me at least with ALS she doesn't have pain/surgery/chemo and actually felt bad or me!) I have a friend who lost his leg. Another with major back problems for the past 25 years that can't be corrected and she is in daily pain. I think about people who went through the Holocaust - in fact had a friend who survived this terrible time in history. So, cancer - yeah, it sucks and isn't fair, but it truly could be so much worse. I try to be thankful for every day. I'm grateful to God for the life I have and for the promise of eternal life. I will deal with my cancer when I have to, but I will not let it take away my joy of life.
-Ashlee

[Jayna]

So, cancer - yeah, it sucks and isn't fair, but it truly could be so much worse. I try to be thankful for every day. I'm grateful to God for the life I have and for the promise of eternal life. I will deal with my cancer when I have to, but I will not let it take away my joy of life.
-Ashlee

So nicely put into words Ashlee. I couldn't have said it better. You must move on in whatever way you can- live life to it's fullest and celebrate every day!
Live, laugh and love!
Jayna

[Ron50]

I was dx with st3c cc into 6/13 nodes.Surgery and chemo as well as work,I only had a month off. Life was not easy but I de-stressed by going fishing,the sea is an earth wire for my soul. I also got into exercise. I was walking up to 50 miles a week. I got really ill,suffered acute pancreatitis and lost my gallbladder. My surgeon asked if I was trying to kill myself walking so much. I blew up every doc up to this point told me I was too fat that's why I was sick. Here I was ,i had lost over 70lb and was being told less excercise. I got sick again was dx with stomacch ca originally but my stomach was wall to wall ulcers with no ca. Had to stop my walking because I developed peripheral neuropathy again fishing helped me thru. Had three sessions of passing kidney stones. My wife got sick of me being sick amd asked me to leave. I did. Still at work ,still fishing but only in the rivers ,not game to go far out to sea on my own with the possibility of passing more stones. Got sick again,feet and legs swelled op. Dx withs congestive heart failure. Wrong again .Proteinurea,my kidney filters badly scarred from scope preps and or chemo. treated with blood pressure meds,neuropathy getting worse ,both feet ,legs and left hand ,still working and fishing. Still live alone.Started to sieze up. Dx severe psoriatic arthritis. Meds are worse than chemo,all powerful immuno-suppressants.Developed two frozen shoulders. No treatment waited 18 mos for them to un-freeze. Still working tho restricted,still bad neuropathy ,kidneys up and down,arthritis bad(between meds). Having a ca cut off my face today. In summary I have survived cc for thirteen and a half years. I have tried to live a healthy stress free existence and failed miserably , yet I continue to survive ca. I still work and live alone and I still fish when able . I am not religious at all.Why have I survived. Who knows. Ron.

[SkiFletch]

I try to live by the last line of my signature. Am I frequently reminded of my cancer? Sure. But at the same time, I try not not just stop worrying, but also to live life with thanks and fullness every day. It's not always easy, but man is it worth it if you can get yourself to that place where cancer no longer dominates your thoughts.

[Bev G]

Unfortunately, for me I'll probably never be able to put it behind me, but doesn't mean I have to give it all my time either. Cancer made me get my life and affairs in order. It showed me who my true friends are. I may die younger than the average age, but at least I don't have to worry about Dementia/Alzheimers. I have a friend who has ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) - and has dealt with it for over 16 years! (She told me at least with ALS she doesn't have pain/surgery/chemo and actually felt bad or me!) I have a friend who lost his leg. Another with major back problems for the past 25 years that can't be corrected and she is in daily pain. I think about people who went through the Holocaust - in fact had a friend who survived this terrible time in history. So, cancer - yeah, it sucks and isn't fair, but it truly could be so much worse. I try to be thankful for every day. I'm grateful to God for the life I have and for the promise of eternal life. I will deal with my cancer when I have to, but I will not let it take away my joy of life.
-Ashlee

Such a wonderful way of looking at it all!

Love, Bev

[boweltumor]

Moving on? a lot easier said than done..that's for sure.

[KarMel]

I wake up and thank God for another day.

Then I put the coffee on, shower, dress, eat breakfast, put on a comfortable pair of shoes ( pointy toed high-heeled things are well in my past ) and go to work.
After work, I come home, eat dinner, and see whats on the agenda. I might have a Library Board meeting. I might have a church function. Tonight, I am going to see the play "Vincent" at our local Arts Center.... it's a fund raiser for our hospital's Cancer Center. I'll come home, play with the dog, put comfy pajamas on, get on the computer, talk to my buds at Colon club , then hit my pillows for well deserved rest.

Tomorrow, I'll do it all again, and that is how I move on.

Peace

[PGLGreg]

... at least I don't have to worry about Dementia/Alzheimers.

Always look on the bright side of life (by Eric Idle):

Code: Select all

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
Don't grumble, give a whistle,
And this'll help things turn out for the best, and...