O/T Why are so many on this board attacking new members?

[Terry]

This is just my opinion, but it seems like a lot of older posters are being very aggressive to new members. Is this board just owned by the older members now and we have the right to say whatever we want to someone we don't agree with? Shouldn't we be considering that a new member, patient or family may be going through some troubles accepting what's going on and since that's the case, they may not be wording things "correctly" or even thinking rationally? I'm really kind of surprised at the responses I've been reading from 99% of the rather "cruel" posts. Maybe it's time to find another forum (for me), I don't know. The funny thing is, the one person I would think would be posting in anger isn't, it's the ones that are that really surprise me. It's like one gang leader says something rude and then others follow because they can. Kind of reminds me of bullying.

[paula]

me too

[Ktwirls]

yep I have noticed it too

[cptmac]

The bullying has been going on for quite some time. It's not just about the newebies. I've been here longer than some, and some of the people who are newer than me have ganged up on me. Although it seems to be the same people. One said my story wasn't accurate (Since I tape record all of my doctors appts, and that person wasn't there, how could they know what happened.....), one said they were tired of hearing my story over and over again (I tell it over and over again, because it gives newbies hope, they tell me they appreciate hearing my story no matter how many times I tell it), and I always defend my right to post, no matter how much bullying I get not to.

But I do come on this board less and less because I get tired of the bullying.

But it is the promise I made for myself when I was dx'd and looking for another stage IV survivor, that I would stay on this board, because I would give someone like myself hope. If you've heard my story, skip over it. Others appreciate what I have to say.

But the bullying is sad I agree. Their are many people who used to come here, who have gone to other boards, because they are tired of it. I too visit other places more than here now.

[missjv]

thats why i backed off and did not post here much cause there are a certain few here who think they know everything there is to know about any topic you post on so i just stayed away for a while but i see things have not changed either it is a shame. i got slammed for trying to help people stay positive with stage 4 diagnosis and got some nasty backlash because i did not agree with statistics. i read the latest post where the new person was attacked and was disgusted especially from the poster who stated she was poisening her children wtf? i don't know who some of these people think they are. shamefull

missjv

[Russian27]

I read the forum on a regular basis. I don't post much. I honestly have not noticed any bullying. May be because I am bullied in my real life. I know what its like. I had to quit my taekwondo class because one of my instructor decided to show me that I am a woman and no match for a man in martial arts. I was very upset...still upset...

[hannahw]

i read the latest post where the new person was attacked and was disgusted especially from the poster who stated she was poisening her children wtf? i don't know who some of these people think they are. shamefull

That was me. I think the new poster's attitude about her mother is toxic, and if she shares it with her kids, it's toxic for them too. It's poisonous to have this sort of anger and resentment towards someone, especially a family member. If you don't agree, good for you. While you're scolding me like a child, you might also want to indicate that you and I have history on this forum which includes you making some nasty posts towards me and you getting indignant, not because you were bullied, but because other people, myself included, didn't agree with you.

As to the alleged bullying, I find the hypocrisy amazing. There was a period there where Gaelen was attacked fairly regularly and no one said boo about it. But when someone perceived Gaelen as being a bully, people were quick to step up and blast her. I imagine I am one of the unnamed bullies being referred to, and yet I have been repeatedly attacked on this board, both in the open forum and via PM (to the point I stopped accepting PMs) by some of the very people who express concern about bullying. I suggest people monitor their own behavior and let the the mods monitor the behavior of others.

[Guest for a day]

I have also noticed the snarky mean answers/opinions of certain posters...it's why I have never registered. Dealing with colon cancer is tough enough without having to deal with bullies. I appreciate the posters who are knowledgeable and helpful without judgement...thank you kind posters.

[NWgirl]

I haven't noticed what I consider bullying. I do see a lot of people with strong opinions and an intolerance for other people's views. It seems "if you're not with me, you're against me" - and a number of people have to aggressively state their opinions, over and over and over. Although I don't always agree with some opinions on here, I truly appreciate the diversity we have here. I don't want to be surrounded by nothing but cheerleaders. I also don't want to be surrounded by only the hard cold facts of a cancer diagnosis. I need both - I think we all do to some degree.

If someone truly feels a member or members are "bullying" others, then they should notify the moderators. Or you could PM that individual and express your concerns. Maybe the member doesn't realize they are coming across in a bullying manner. Or maybe your opinion and there's are just so drastically different that you're simply not going to find common ground - ever. Remember, if a post offends you, you don't have to read it. Some of the posts get so long and redundant, I just skip them after the first few responses - especially when I see them going sideways and getting completely off topic.

[boweltumor]

I skim this board a couple times a week and have not noticed anything abnormal

[Suze]

I think Terry's point is well taken. Those of us who have been reading this board for a long time know the players and can enjoy or ignore posts as we choose. But the newbies? As she says, they are dealing with a lot. One harsh word, and most newbies would never come back. Why would they? Susan

[Nickmark59]

I just had to post on my face book profile that I had a size 13 steel toed boot I wear which was going to go up some ones ASS for making rude comments about my wife on face book and this was our supposedly properly raised Presbyterian church members at the church we attend making the comments.
needless to say they knocked it off very quickly and apologized.As my face book friends pointed out to the persons making the comments said" may God have mercy on your soul" because they know what I am capable of.
It seems that since you can sit on the internet and be anonymous you can sit there and be rude ignorant and discourteous
Till some one figures out who you are and shows up at your door step. IP's can be tracked.
Unfortunately there are too many people who wake up every day with a F___Y___ attitude each morning who are mad at the world they live in because they made the wrong choices in life.
that's too bad we all have made bad choices and had to deal with the cards we have been dealt in life and when you want to sit and compare all your woes in life and think you have it so bad you have no ideal till you have walked in another mans shoes.
Its the same with our cancer I should be dead but i am not but a friend of mine DX stage 2 is dead and he had 90% cure rate
so some times there are no right answers in medicine there learning never say always.

[missjv]

really? whatever. who are you to tell someone you don't even know they are toxic to their children? and who are you to criticize her for her relationship with her mother that you know nothing about? maybe she did get a little testy who cares maybe she is scared and she has every right to be. you didn't like what she had to say so you attack her parenting skills? talk about a hypocrit better go check yourself. say what you want about me i don't give a crap.

missjv

[Nanette]

I haven't noticed what I consider bullying. I do see a lot of people with strong opinions and an intolerance for other people's views. It seems "if you're not with me, you're against me" - and a number of people have to aggressively state their opinions, over and over and over. Although I don't always agree with some opinions on here, I truly appreciate the diversity we have here. I don't want to be surrounded by nothing but cheerleaders. I also don't want to be surrounded by only the hard cold facts of a cancer diagnosis. I need both - I think we all do to some degree.

If someone truly feels a member or members are "bullying" others, then they should notify the moderators. Or you could PM that individual and express your concerns. Maybe the member doesn't realize they are coming across in a bullying manner. Or maybe your opinion and there's are just so drastically different that you're simply not going to find common ground - ever. Remember, if a post offends you, you don't have to read it. Some of the posts get so long and redundant, I just skip them after the first few responses - especially when I see them going sideways and getting completely off topic.

I didn't notice it either, Belle, but I haven't been on as much lately. I definitely agree with what you said.

-Nanette

[jjlist]

cat fight!!!!!
you know i thought some of the replies in that thread were a little rough too. but only after the original poster replied back a little rough too. thats how it started,,,,,,
the interesting thing about that post and the replies is that we are only getting one side of the story. I would love to hear what the mother has to say about her daughter. I refrain from makeing opinions and observations on things when i only know the situation from one side. that being said, the poster really was asking us for our opinions. and she got them.