Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

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maumau48
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby maumau48 » Sat Feb 05, 2011 9:00 am

I feel exactly the same way that Anji and Christina do. Anji - you've expressed my feelings in such an accurate and articulate way. You said:
"....and before I know it, several days have gone by. And we've not "connected" at all. I'm not talking about sex here...I'm talking about physical closeness, yes. Snuggling, hugs, whatever. But mostly I'm talking about emotionally....and I miss him."
I'm so glad that you two were brave enough to "put it out there" ... Because I cannot confide in anybody about this. I have expressed these feelings to my hubby (another Larry, by the way).. but he doesn't feel the same way. We are now in the middle of year 5 with this Cancer. During this time, while Larry was going through his 6 weeks of radiation and 5fu, my mother had died. I had to leave the Cancer Centre where we were staying, and travel to a distant city and put on a funeral for a week. Then, I returned to the Cancer Centre, and had to continue to appear smily and happy - while the others were undergoing their treatment. Two months after all L's treatment was all finished (including Oxaliplatin), I tried to tell him what I had gone through emotionally with my mother's death and funeral. L couldn't deal with it at all. I guess that it's quite understandable - but because it's my Spouse that has the cancer, I have nobody to whom I can confide and from whom I can ask for and receive comfort. So I held it all inside.
We have also received little or no support from his family, and live in a remote area making travelling for treatment very difficult, especially during the winter. L has not wanted to move closer to a Cancer Centre Facility, and said he would be depressed if he had to move. Right now, he is Very Happy - It is possibly the happiest time of his life. He negates the fact that he has over 25 metastasized tumours in his lungs that are growing very very slowly and continue to spread. They are not blocking any airways, so he chooses not to accept palliative chemo to shrink the tumours or stop them from growing. He spars with the Oncologist every three months following his three month routine CT scans. Who can blame him?
I'm sorry to have unloaded this on all of you. I won't do it again. I'm feeling better already, and I'm so grateful for this thread!!!
My next post will be a much happier one, telling you about how L and I met!!
Love and Hugs to you all ... looking forward to Valentine's Day!

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Terry
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Terry » Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:44 am

Don't forget the husbands of wives with colon/rectal cancer. They're almost in the same boat as the wives of husbands with cc cancer. Besides working they now have to pick up some of the load of the wives with cancer like housework, running the kids around, meals, etc.

I admire the strength you all have. I couldn't imagine after having my 2 1/2 yr. old grandaughter over last night, having small children and going through all of this. I don't know where you all pull the energy from

I think it's great that you started a topic on this, perhaps you'll have different information to help each other out.
DX 7/3/07
Chemo, radiation, 20 mo. chemo, IMRT, cyberknife, 6/11 lobectomy.
1/16 resection perm. colostomy intraop. rad.
PET 2/12 nose, thyroid, liver, lngs
Folfox 3/12
Lord I know You'll keep me here until
you know I cannot suffer any longer!

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elissa
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby elissa » Sat Feb 05, 2011 11:27 am

Maumau....sorry you are so alone in your journey. And to lose your mother while your husband is fighting cancer, well, that is just so unfair. Do you have any close friends or siblings near by who you can spend time with? Do you belong to a church/temple/synagogue/mosque where you can get some support? Do you work outside the home or belong to a gym or have anyplace where you can have some "me" time? I truly feel for you because I honestly know how hard this life can be. Don't ever apologize for unloading on us....that is what we have come together for. And don't say that you won't do it again because you should do it any time you feel you have to even if it is everyday, even if it is multiple times a day. If we can help you through this it would be a blessing for us! Hoping today is a better day.

Anji.....hoping you kids are feeling better today. Yuch, I always feel so bad when my kids are sick! Hoping that Larry feels great all weekend and can enjoy more normalcy. Right now John and Larry are on the same schedule, so we'll be joining you on Monday for chemo. But then we'll be off schedule because we will be away the week of the 20th. We have a winter break in NY and the onc said it was ok for John to delay chemo for a week. So psyched.....we are going to Palm Springs, CA for some warm weather! YAY.

And Terry, of course, we can never forget about those supportive husbands too!!
Elissa
Wife of John, 52
Dx cc 9/3/10; Stage IV
14/25 LN; 2 liver mets
Lynch: MSH2; KRAS mutant
Colon resection 9/9
Various complications
12 rounds of FOLFOX/FOLFIRI
was called home on 4/30/11

Seriously, WTF?
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Seriously, WTF? » Sat Feb 05, 2011 2:45 pm

Maumau, don't ever feel that you can't spill your heart out to us...ever. I enjoy all the stories. If anything your story may help us down the road to remind us all that we are not alone. It is all about timing...your story today could be ours tomorrow and visa versa. So together we will share the ups and downs of this journey and pull each other through it...hang in there.
ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
5/7/2013

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Kathleen808
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Kathleen808 » Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:18 pm

Hi,
I read everyone's posts this morning and felt like we were sitting down and having a cup of coffee together.
Today we had a very good day. It's weird because in the midst of our beautiful day we still talked about balancing our (girls and mine) need for Dick to be around as long as possible with his discomfort if/when it gets too bad. Right now Dick has 4 bad days and then 10 pretty good days. He puts up with all sorts of crap on the good days but at least he's not on the couch.
Today we went out on our boat and saw 8 whales, it was awesome! We saw one of our friends and his 5 year old daughter on the beach as we were going out and they came with us. It was beautiful! The best thing is Dick came back totally rejuvenated. He said that is what he needs to remember when he feels so sick and so down. He says he needs to remember the good days and good times. So, the fear is not right at the top of my thoughts today. I am grateful for days like this, so grateful.
Thinking of all of you. I hope for some blessings for each of you.

Aloha,
Kathleen
Kathleen
DH 1/09 3c 51yr rsct
Folfx 3/09
1 l nd 9/09 Flfri Avstn
PET clr 6/10
Folfri Avstn 7/10
ND 10/10
1/11 lng mets Flfri Avastn
ND 2/12
9/12 Flfri Avastn
10/12 grwth lng mts Erbtx Avstn Irintcn
1/13 stabl
9/13 grwth
8/16/14 passed into eternal peace

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Bill5107
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Bill5107 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:09 am

Great thread. I'm lurking as the patient here....even _I_ have noticed I've been a bit "pricklier" lately...which means I must be a holy terror on and off. I'll often point out that it just might be harder for the spouse and that I could not have made it through so well without her. I also know if tables were turned I'd trade in a heartbeat, so I know my wife must be torn up. The "missing your spouse" expressed in a few threads I experience too, and I know my wife does as well. It just adds to the "drained" feeling, vicious cycle that it is.

Lots of good reminders in this thread. Lots of things caregivers are mentioning that I recognize here. Who knows, maybe I'll be able find ways to reconnect with some of these things in the back of my head. I know I could use it and my better half certainly _deserves_ it! After about 8 months of fretting over cancer every few minutes of every day, I must admit that I'm thinking it's time to give up that part and regain a bit more "life" in my life. I only wonder if my bride isn't stuck in a similar 8-month rut of worry/concern/thoughts as well.


Ok. I've rambled on enough I suppose. My point is that this is a great thread, and glad I can eaves-drop on it.
2010-07-02 Dx rectal cancer (Stage 3)
'-07-21 Chemoradiation
'-10-13 APR surgery, 10/18 nodes still active
'-11-22 12x2wk rnds FOLFOX
2011-12-07 Mets X-P
Don't retreat, reload!

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Kathleen808
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Kathleen808 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 2:45 am

Bill,
As you know we have all learned so much from all of you who are in the midst of fighting cancer. You help us to understand what our loved ones are going through. Each one of you has my full respect.

Aloha,
Kathleen
Kathleen
DH 1/09 3c 51yr rsct
Folfx 3/09
1 l nd 9/09 Flfri Avstn
PET clr 6/10
Folfri Avstn 7/10
ND 10/10
1/11 lng mets Flfri Avastn
ND 2/12
9/12 Flfri Avastn
10/12 grwth lng mts Erbtx Avstn Irintcn
1/13 stabl
9/13 grwth
8/16/14 passed into eternal peace

Seriously, WTF?
Posts: 602
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:48 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Seriously, WTF? » Sun Feb 06, 2011 2:51 pm

Kathleen, I am glad you had a nice day together. Whales huh? Sounds pretty awesome...it is no wonder that It brings out all the relaxation you guys need. We to have a boat, and as much as I enjoy it, it is truly Mike's escape like no other. The big "C" monster came knocking on our door in August, so trips down to the Jersey Shore were quickly replaced with trips to the doctors. Mike is a huge fisherman...Barnegat Inlet is his place to go and just enter another world as he has put it to me so many times. He was able to go out in October, so it was nice that he was able to get one last trip out before things got crazy.

This past xmas Mike got a new Salt Water tank for our home, so we now have Nemo, Dori, and Bubbles for those of you familiar with "Finding Nemo". It keeps him busy and he enjoys it very much. My sons 16 and 18 just laugh at him and tell him he is obsessed with the tank.

Bill, you can "stalk or talk" on our thread anytime you would like. I am happy when people reach out like you did because what you say is just as important to us as what you may read here. Stop in again and by all means start living...again. I tell myself that everyday...we should enjoy here, while we are here ...because there is no here...there. I wake up some days like "WTF"???. I get pissed, sad, and over think my day and then there are days that I just move forward and say screw the cancer, BS, anger, what if's, and I get up and just live my day in the life of our home as it should be. My point is that one really sucky day for me/us could be a really great day for somone else. Together I think we can bring some sort of balance to just let us know that no matter what day ours will be when we wake up...is that we are not alone. Okay, now I have said too much but I hope I said enough :)
ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
5/7/2013

Seriously, WTF?
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Seriously, WTF? » Sun Feb 06, 2011 2:56 pm

BTW Kathleen about that cup of coffee?? I am going to pick a time/day set it up on this thread and perhaps with time changes etc... we could share a cup of coffee, glass of wine, cold beer, water with lemon. We could set up the time and we could all enjoy it it our homes at that time. LOL Hey, anything is possible! :wink:
ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
5/7/2013

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elissa
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby elissa » Sun Feb 06, 2011 3:26 pm

Hi all. Hope everyone is having a good weekend and that everyone is feeling well.
I for one, or actually "we for two" are having a really good weekend. Friday night John went to a basket ball game with our older son. Then yesterday he had a full day of basketball. He actually runs the entire travel basketball program, boys and girls, from 4th through 12th grade for our town. So, yesterday our town hosted the 6th grade girls levels A, B, and C championship games for all of Long Island. So, hubby was in his element all day. Last night we went into NYC to go out to dinner with some of my college friends. So great to see them, and they were just amazed as to how good John looks. This morning my younger son had a basketball game. Now some time to relax. I'm going to make a nice baked ziti for our super bowl dinner. We are going to lay low this year which is fine with me.
Just wanted to share a little story with you all because I think you are going to "get it". I got myself a little new years present this year. I had been thinking about it for a couple of months after John's diagnosis. I actually got a tattoo of the colon cancer star ribbon on the inside of my wrist. This is my first tattoo, and if you saw my you would not be thinking that I am the tattoo type. It's not really popular with my suburban housewife crowd. It was just something that I needed to do. My husband's cancer is a part of me, and it has marked my life physically and emotionally. I just somehow needed this very concrete marker. Now when I look at it, it gives me strength. I love it and I am so glad I did it. Cancer is a part of my life for as long as I have my husband with me here on this earth and afterwards, and depending on my kids Lynch situation, it may be something I will be dealing with on many levels for as long as I am here on this earth.
Peace,
Elissa
PS Great idea Kathy....wish we could all really meet for a cup of coffee.
And Bill, and all others, please join us at any time....love to hear what you all say!
Wife of John, 52
Dx cc 9/3/10; Stage IV
14/25 LN; 2 liver mets
Lynch: MSH2; KRAS mutant
Colon resection 9/9
Various complications
12 rounds of FOLFOX/FOLFIRI
was called home on 4/30/11

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Bill5107
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Bill5107 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 5:55 pm

Seriously, WTF? wrote:Bill, you can "stalk or talk" on our thread anytime you would like. I am happy when people reach out like you did because what you say is just as important to us as what you may read here. Stop in again and by all means start living...again. I tell myself that everyday...we should enjoy here, while we are here ...because there is no here...there. I wake up some days like "WTF"???. I get pissed, sad, and over think my day and then there are days that I just move forward and say screw the cancer, BS, anger, what if's, and I get up and just live my day in the life of our home as it should be. My point is that one really sucky day for me/us could be a really great day for somone else. Together I think we can bring some sort of balance to just let us know that no matter what day ours will be when we wake up...is that we are not alone. Okay, now I have said too much but I hope I said enough :)


Thanks folks replying to my post. My main point was to acknowledge caregivers. It's easy to fall into ruts and forget to _express_ the thankfulness many of us do in fact feel all the time, or realize from time to time we've forgotten.

I'm always getting comments on how positive I stay. It's not a show either, but behind it all is the awareness of "the big C", like it's a big deal,. I've started to realize that letting that lurk in the background has GOT to be unhealthy and probably partially behind my cranky moment of insanity. I count my kid as my caregiver too, as he really does a lot for me, most without question or fuss. I've at least realized many of my "moments of insanity" and have helped him help me make light of it, while I sort things out.

So anyway, my goal is to put my cancer and it's treatment as much in the background as my asthma was/is, my allergies, my (controlled) high blood pressure, my (so far controlled) cholesterol levels, and even my sinuses, which give me trouble if not taken care of properly. None of these "old" problems consumed significant mindshare, and I took care of them just fine before, and still do.

I bet I can make RC just another item on my Dr to-do list as everything else is without any loss of quality of care, etc..

Wish me luck. Might be a good time to see where my better half is at with it too. Bring her along with me if she's not there, or join her if she's already "there". Heck, she might even be following here, I don't know :-p If so, she's probably shaking her head a bit because I'm going out of town for a couple days on business starting tonight lol. Life IS messy, isn't it?

Again, hat's off to the wives. Just keep on loving us, whatever that looks like your situation.
2010-07-02 Dx rectal cancer (Stage 3)
'-07-21 Chemoradiation
'-10-13 APR surgery, 10/18 nodes still active
'-11-22 12x2wk rnds FOLFOX
2011-12-07 Mets X-P
Don't retreat, reload!

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Kathleen808
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Location: Hawaii

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Kathleen808 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 9:07 pm

I am up for the cup of coffee together. We are 5 hours earlier than the East coast so I will drink whatever is appropriate for the hour. :)

Kathy, so glad Mike has the boat and fishing. As a fisherman's wife you'll appreciate this story. Dick unhooked from the 5 Fu pump on Thursday. On Friday I got a call that he took the boat and dog a few miles out to fish. He was around one of the buoys and got a $40 lure caught on the buoy. He was going to jump in to get it but realized there were probably sharks around since he had been chumming around the buoy. So he came home. We went out on Saturday with a friend and headed straight to the buoy to find the lure. Dick jumped in, cut the lure loose from the buoy and handed it to me. Then, with in a few seconds he was in the boat. After handing me the lure, he looked down into the water and there were 2 sharks about 30 yards away heading up toward him. When he got in the boat we could all see the sharks. I'd say it was a good choice that he did not jump in the water by himself the day before. Anyway, Dick loves to be out on the water too. We tried to sell the boat when he was first diagnosed as we knew money would be tighter. It didn't sell after a few months and I finally said, "Don't sell it, we'll figure a way." I am soooo glad we have it.

Thinking of all of you. Praying for good day, normal days, days free from fear and filled with gratitude.

Aloha,
Kathleen
Kathleen
DH 1/09 3c 51yr rsct
Folfx 3/09
1 l nd 9/09 Flfri Avstn
PET clr 6/10
Folfri Avstn 7/10
ND 10/10
1/11 lng mets Flfri Avastn
ND 2/12
9/12 Flfri Avastn
10/12 grwth lng mts Erbtx Avstn Irintcn
1/13 stabl
9/13 grwth
8/16/14 passed into eternal peace

Seriously, WTF?
Posts: 602
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:48 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Seriously, WTF? » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:11 am

Good Morning to all. Out with the family last night for a Super Bowl party at a friends house in town. It was a very nice evening...many laughs, busting chops, etc...once we got past the "OMG!" Mike you look great (hugs and kisses) lol. I told Mike I am going to get him a shirt that says "I know I look good, start telling my wife she does as well". All kidding aside, a very nice evening with special people for a fun time. I hope all of you had a nice Super Bowl as well.
ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
5/7/2013

Seriously, WTF?
Posts: 602
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:48 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Seriously, WTF? » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:27 am

Okay, hit the submit button too soon. Elissa, I think that it is a wondeful think that you did with the tatoo. Not only does it symbolize your love, and strength through all of this, but it is a part of you forever. I am sure many people will question what that symbol means when they notice it, and when you explain it to them it will just remind you of the person you have become and perhaps change someone's life in the processs by bringing awareness to either themselves or someone they know .I know by sharing my story about Mike, it has made others aware of their body. We have had people set up colonoscopies that just weren't "GETTING AROUND TO IT". Wear it proud!!! :wink:
ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
5/7/2013

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jgall
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby jgall » Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:55 am

elissa wrote: I actually got a tattoo of the colon cancer star ribbon on the inside of my wrist.


Elissa...post a picture!! Would love to see it...I've got one VERY small tattoo that I did with my daughters...on the inside of my ankle. All three of us got the same one, to represent our bond. I swore I'd never get another tatto, but with Chris's cancer diagnosis, I was thinking the same thing. I like the idea of doing what you did...don't know if I could do the wrist though...sensitive area! :) (yes, I'm a big baby!)

Julia
DH Chris, 50, Dx Nov '10 Stg 4
cardiac arrest from 5-FU
Iri/Erbi, RFA, liver/colon resection, more Iri/Erbi
Oct14-Feb15 clinical trial
SIRT Apr15-unsuccessful
Stopped treatment May15
Hospice July15
Passed 8/15/15
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/chrisandjulia


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