Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Please feel free to read, share your thoughts, your stories and connect with others!
Seriously, WTF?
Posts: 602
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:48 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Seriously, WTF? » Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:59 pm

Okay, I came on earlier today and had to actually sit back for a few minutes and reflect my thoughts because so much of what you all feel, I feel as well. It warmed my heart in a way that I can't explain. I enjoyed reading all your stories and it really hit home in my heart to think you all truly know how I feel. So many people think they do, and I am grateful for their help, concern, and effort to support me throught this trying time for me and my family. After logging in earlier I realize that as much as people may offer their help, you guys truly know how I feel about everything. I can cry in an instant if I don't distract myself...but I pull through it with my smiles that hide my every minute of the day fears. I could sit for hours and stare at Mike like his own personal STALKER and wonder how the hell all that crap is going on inside a person that looks so good...as if it is all a dream. I try to think back at our life before the big "C" monster came knocking on our door in August 2010. It will be 6 months in the middle of February and I still can't believe it is happening. It has been 6 months of tears, emotional rollercoasters, anger, what if's and the unknown. I have to admit that it has also been a few months of love, connection, happiness, memories, and just "LIVING LIFE". Living day by day with the enjoyments of the little things, trying not to stress over the petty stuff. Believe me, I still lose it with things but I try not to over stress on the things that just don't and shouldn't matter.
Thank you for sharing your stories and for hopping aboard this crazy train. May we all find the support, peace, and friendship we all need, when we need it most. I know I felt that today when I read your stories...and because of that I thank you .

Kathy from NJ xoxo
ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
5/7/2013

User avatar
Anji
Posts: 506
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:07 pm
Facebook Username: pray for larry edge
Location: Kentucky

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Anji » Thu Feb 03, 2011 10:14 am

I think I have totally lost my mind! Larry got up this morning looking good, feeling good, and showered, dressed and headed out to work. For the first time in 10 days....

I am at home with my 10 year old, who has the flu. He's feeling better, but still needs to be home for another day or two. I am cleaning, cooking, going to bake a cake for my middle son's birthday (which is today). Tackling the mountain of laundry that has accumulated, going to fumigate the boys bathroom in a bit....and I'm HAPPY about it!!! Today, life feels "normal"....thank you God for normal days, even if they do include mountains of laundry, and stinky boy bathrooms.....

Hope everyone else is having a good, normal, happy day too!

Anji
Anji
Wife to Larry, Stage IV Colon Cancer, with mets to liver
Diagnosed 1/10 at age 44
Folfiri + Avastin 2/10 to 7/10
Liver resection and ablation 9/10
Numerous mets to lung and liver 1/11
Folfox + Avastin 2/11 to 6/11
Folfiri + Vectibix 6/11 to ???

Christina83
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:14 pm
Facebook Username: Christina Jones Hayslip

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Christina83 » Thu Feb 03, 2011 11:35 am

Wow.....just wow. I dont really know how else to sum up my reaction to this thread, so thank you again Elissa for telling me about it as I am new to this site, and forums in general. Some part of every post touched me or spoke to me in a way that none of my friends can do for me.

My husband was diagnosed with stage IV CC in Nov '10 at 29 years old. B/C of the lengthy cancer history we started testing for Lynch right away, and sure enough he has it. It's a blessing in one sense, b/c we know where to look for it to show up next, and we can do all the screening to stop it quickly if/when it shows up again, as long as we get through this part of it. But, i also feel like it's a 'curse' in the sense that it is quite realistic that the chances of this being once and done are quite slim. To know that we may have a life of battling this horrific disease, starting at under 30 years old, is terrifying. And if I wasn't getting enough pressure from the in-laws for grand children before, and to have to think very seriously about whether we even want to have any children now, is just too much to bear. With a 50/50 chance of passing this along, and the thought of going down this road with young children, and the possibility of being a single mother, it's just not fair. All my friends are having their first child right now (currently 3 of them are pregnant). And i can't help but feel jealous that they are embracing life, and we are trying to fight off death. I am also happy for them, but hey, we are only human...

I too feel that 'lack of closeness and bonding' during the chemo weeks. Being that we are approaching #4, i don't think we have found anything yet to help with that, other than really taking advantage of our alone time on the well days. On those days we do not talk about 'the big c', or about medications or about what is coming in just a few days. Ignorance is bliss for us in those moments.

I find that God gives me supernatural strength during the days Brandon is weak, and then once his strength and wellness starts to return it's like my body, mind and spirit just give out. Every time for a day or two as he is regaining his strength, i loose mine i guess to 'recover'. Do any of you get this way too? After a day or two of that, i am able to pull myself together and 'play pretend'...

Something that I have to remind myself of on a constant basis is this:
Cancer or no cancer, we are not promised next year, next month, next scan, tomorrow, or even our next breath. And we can not change the past, and can not control the future, so what does that leave us to be able to control? RIGHT NOW. We can choose to make this moment as good as it can be, or we can allow it to rob us of our happiness completely. But regardless of what is to come, we have our collection of 'moments' to look back on and d@#% it, i want to look back on GOOD moments! Regardless of the outcome of this, I want to look back and say "we enjoyed every moment we had, and we made every moment we had the best it could be", because in all this craziness we only have NOW.

So glad to have found you ladies.... :)
27 year old Wife & Caretaker of 29 year old Stage IV Colon Cancer Fighter
DX November 2010
Met in 3 lymph nodes in abdominal cavity, and 17 lymph nodes near tumor.
Folfox w/ Avastin til June 2011
DX Lynch Syndrome (MLH1) January 2011

User avatar
jgall
Posts: 814
Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:44 pm
Location: New York City

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby jgall » Thu Feb 03, 2011 12:21 pm

So good to hear, Anji. I love "normal" feeling days...and then I worry later that I'm allowing myself to live in denial. Just no happy medium, is there? But I usually land on the side of going with what feels right...and feeling "normal" - even pseudo normal is what feels best right now :mrgreen:

On my way to work this morning - my husband, the chauffeur, gave me a look that I'm sure many of you have seen. This was the first time for me since he just started the Irinotecan and Erbitux a week ago. Then he said "I may need to find a bathroom!" It's 6:30am...what on earth will be open then? I suppose this will be the first of many times we have to worry about where the nearest bathroom is... The new normal, eh?

:)
Julia
DH Chris, 50, Dx Nov '10 Stg 4
cardiac arrest from 5-FU
Iri/Erbi, RFA, liver/colon resection, more Iri/Erbi
Oct14-Feb15 clinical trial
SIRT Apr15-unsuccessful
Stopped treatment May15
Hospice July15
Passed 8/15/15
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/chrisandjulia

User avatar
elissa
Posts: 591
Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:52 pm
Facebook Username: elissa fenster cazassus

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby elissa » Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:59 pm

Hi ladies,
Anji....I'm just loving your "normal" day. Glad Larry felt well enough to go to work today. He is lucky that his job is so flexible/understanding. I'm sure he feels so good when he has a "normal" day too.

I'm having my own "normal" day. I worked this morning...I'm so lucky that my job is flexible. I'm a psychologist and I evaluate children from birth to five. So, I go into work in the morning, do my evaluations, and then do all my paper work at home. (That's what I should be doing now) Hubby went to
lunch with a friend and now he is taking the car in to be serviced. He feels better when he is doing things. And I feel good when he feels good. I know what you are saying, Julia, sometimes I feel like I must be in denial, but then I just try and appreciate our new normal.

Christina...glad you joined us, and I completely agree with the following:
"Something that I have to remind myself of on a constant basis is this: Cancer or no cancer, we are not promised next year, next month, next scan, tomorrow, or even our next breath. And we can not change the past, and can not control the future, so what does that leave us to be able to control? RIGHT NOW. We can choose to make this moment as good as it can be, or we can allow it to rob us of our happiness completely. But regardless of what is to come, we have our collection of 'moments' to look back on and d@#% it, i want to look back on GOOD moments! Regardless of the outcome of this, I want to look back and say "we enjoyed every moment we had, and we made every moment we had the best it could be", because in all this craziness we only have NOW."
That is how I have been living my life since September and will continue to do so each and every day I can.
I know the whole Lynch thing is really scary....I'm living that too and will have to worry about that for my wonderful, beautiful boys. Life is so unfair!!
Wishing you and your families all a wonderful "normal" day.
Elissa
Wife of John, 52
Dx cc 9/3/10; Stage IV
14/25 LN; 2 liver mets
Lynch: MSH2; KRAS mutant
Colon resection 9/9
Various complications
12 rounds of FOLFOX/FOLFIRI
was called home on 4/30/11

User avatar
jgall
Posts: 814
Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:44 pm
Location: New York City

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby jgall » Thu Feb 03, 2011 4:43 pm

Wow, Shelley...thank you for posting that. We, too, were told inoperable...although they did say we'd try for operable if we could shrink them enough. WOW...it's so great to hear of someone that has made it from inoperable to operable...gives me great hope. Thanks for sharing!
Julia
DH Chris, 50, Dx Nov '10 Stg 4
cardiac arrest from 5-FU
Iri/Erbi, RFA, liver/colon resection, more Iri/Erbi
Oct14-Feb15 clinical trial
SIRT Apr15-unsuccessful
Stopped treatment May15
Hospice July15
Passed 8/15/15
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/chrisandjulia

Seriously, WTF?
Posts: 602
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:48 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Seriously, WTF? » Thu Feb 03, 2011 4:53 pm

Great story Shelly!!! WOW!!! You have truly been blessed with options, and we welcome options. I am happy for you. One of the things that Mike andI do during his chemo weeks is rent movies...Netflix is a great thing! I time the arrival of movies that I know we will both enjoy and at least I know that while he is laying there on the couch, I am laying there with him. When he gets tired we pause the movie and continue it later on. I do my never ending pile of laundry, check my emails/colon club updates, etc...while Mike rests. I try to be home with him on those days to just stare at him, check on him, and love him. For us it is all about peppermint tea, soup, peppermint gum, water, warm fires and Netflix!! Who would've thought that a year ago right?? Hey, I'll take it. Hoping for a great February with a lot of good news from the doctors...next scan February 15th, results/consultation February 25th...ugh!!! I have a little time yet before I want to enter "PUKESVILLE" leading up to that appointment.
Last edited by Seriously, WTF? on Thu Feb 03, 2011 5:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
5/7/2013

Seriously, WTF?
Posts: 602
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:48 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Seriously, WTF? » Thu Feb 03, 2011 5:11 pm

Meant to put this in my last post....I was thinking about Valentine's Day today. I started to think back on all the memories of Valentine's Days that Mike and I shared. I met Mike when I was 16 years old in the halls of our high school through a mutual friend...so we are talking a long time together. If I had to look back and pick our most memorable Valentine's Day, I would have to say that it was the year 1982. Mike and his friend Danny drove to my home (so innocently of course) and Mike being too nervous, had Danny ring my parents doorbell and hand me flowers from Mike with a card that read..."I would really like to get to know you better". Well, apparently he won me over, and the rest is history!! The following Valentine's Day, the card with the flowers read "I am glad I got to know you better" :) We have been married for 22 years now and together for 29 this February 20th. Wow, I can't even believe it!! I am glad I have stayed with him through all these years, and I plan on staying with him for many, many more. <3 <3 <3 <3

So, what is your favorite Valentine's Day memory or year??
ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
5/7/2013

User avatar
elissa
Posts: 591
Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:52 pm
Facebook Username: elissa fenster cazassus

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby elissa » Thu Feb 03, 2011 6:00 pm

Wow, Shelly....thanks for joining us and thanks for sharing your amazing story. You definitely give me hope too! My husband had surgery immediately when he was diagnosed. His tumor was huge and it had perforated and was up against other organs. The surgeon could not get a clear margin on that side, but they had to take the tumor out because it was going to obstruct. He had an awful recovery which I have already posted about, and while recovering, he had cancer regrowth at the anastomasis site. He is now not a surgical candidate because the regrowth is up against the same organs again. I hope and pray that he can get to a point that he too will be a surgical candidate. I think he would be for the liver, but not the stupid colon!!

So here's a really romantic story for you all. We just found out that we will be spending Valentine's Day at MSK getting a CT scan. It's ok, you can all admit it, you are so jealous!! LOL! We'll have to do something special afterwards!
Elissa
Wife of John, 52
Dx cc 9/3/10; Stage IV
14/25 LN; 2 liver mets
Lynch: MSH2; KRAS mutant
Colon resection 9/9
Various complications
12 rounds of FOLFOX/FOLFIRI
was called home on 4/30/11

Seriously, WTF?
Posts: 602
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:48 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Seriously, WTF? » Thu Feb 03, 2011 7:06 pm

Elissa, go to Juniors on 44th, I heard it is a great place for dinner. Keep all those positive vibes at Sloan, we are right behind you on the 15th!!
ALWAYS IN MY HEART!
5/7/2013

User avatar
Kathleen808
Posts: 1761
Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:49 am
Location: Hawaii

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Kathleen808 » Fri Feb 04, 2011 1:11 am

Thanks to all of you for writing. I am sorry you are going through this with your loved ones but reading your stories give me strength. I like the talk about "normal" days. Sometimes I find myself surprised that I feel normal and grateful. Last night, even though Dick was hooked up to the pump we had some good laughs with our older daughter. She was doing her physics homework and just cracking us up. (I know physics isn't that funny but when a kid who is a gifted writer and artist talks about physics she can make it funny, physics isn't her thing).
I thought it might be fun to say how we met our spouses/partners. Dick and I met right after I graduated from college. He was a pilot in my brother-in-laws squadron in the Marine Corps. I was hanging out with my sister at the Officer's Club one Friday night and I saw this very cute young pilot over by the bar. Of course my brother-in -law had to go tell him that I thought he was hot. Needless to say, he came over and asked me to dance and the rest is history. We've had a very good ride the past 25 years. I want 25 more. :D

Aloha,

Kathleen
Kathleen
DH 1/09 3c 51yr rsct
Folfx 3/09
1 l nd 9/09 Flfri Avstn
PET clr 6/10
Folfri Avstn 7/10
ND 10/10
1/11 lng mets Flfri Avastn
ND 2/12
9/12 Flfri Avastn
10/12 grwth lng mts Erbtx Avstn Irintcn
1/13 stabl
9/13 grwth
8/16/14 passed into eternal peace

User avatar
jgall
Posts: 814
Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:44 pm
Location: New York City

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby jgall » Fri Feb 04, 2011 9:05 am

Kathleen - cute idea!

Chris and I were trailblazers. We met online in the late 1990's! No one was online yet and all my friends thought I'd find an axe murderer there! Now it's so commonplace it's amazing. But, where were two tech-heads going to meet if not online? It's a second marriage for us both, and we've been marriend now for 12 years. Lots of good times, really no bad times until the big C. I've had both hips replaced and Chris took great care of me. When the cancer came into our lives, I told him that I'm still counting on him pushing me around in a wheelchair when I'm 80, so he has to win this battle and give me my wheelchair pusher!!!

And now here we are all bonding and connecting and making friendships over the internet too...who says long-term relationships can't be started in cyberspace?!!!

Julia
DH Chris, 50, Dx Nov '10 Stg 4
cardiac arrest from 5-FU
Iri/Erbi, RFA, liver/colon resection, more Iri/Erbi
Oct14-Feb15 clinical trial
SIRT Apr15-unsuccessful
Stopped treatment May15
Hospice July15
Passed 8/15/15
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/chrisandjulia

User avatar
Anji
Posts: 506
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:07 pm
Facebook Username: pray for larry edge
Location: Kentucky

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Anji » Fri Feb 04, 2011 9:57 am

Shelley----what an amazing story. Thank you for sharing....

NYC on Valentine's Day?!?!? There's GOT to be something fun/romantic/unbelievably expensive that you can do there!! :wink:

Larry and I met on a sunny summer afternoon. The teenagers used to congregate in the parking lot of the school gym. I was with a young man whom I had dated a time or two....and I look up and see this totally gorgeous man walking toward me....nothing but shorts (it was the late 80's so you know those shorts were short, and tight), and.....the rest is history. It was a sore spot for awhile that the young man I was with that afternoon was Larry's cousin....but once we were introduced....it was all Larry for me. I've known him for 22 years, married to him for 20. And I want FIFTY more years with this man.....but I am so grateful and thankful that through our faith in Jesus Christ, we WILL spend eternity together. That reality brings me great comfort, especially on the scary, hard, days.

Today is another normal day. Larry is at work. Two older kids left this morning for a ski trip with the church youth group. Two youngest kids are home with me, BOTH of them sick with the flu....sigh.....Clorox wipes, Tamiflu, and lots and lots of ibuprofen....and I'm praying I survive my "normal" day.....

Anji
Anji
Wife to Larry, Stage IV Colon Cancer, with mets to liver
Diagnosed 1/10 at age 44
Folfiri + Avastin 2/10 to 7/10
Liver resection and ablation 9/10
Numerous mets to lung and liver 1/11
Folfox + Avastin 2/11 to 6/11
Folfiri + Vectibix 6/11 to ???

User avatar
elissa
Posts: 591
Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:52 pm
Facebook Username: elissa fenster cazassus

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby elissa » Fri Feb 04, 2011 10:05 am

So, here's our story. We met in a club/bar in NYC. I was 22 and had just finished my first masters degree at Columbia. I was a huge club-goer.....loved to dance and party. I had just told my three closest friends, all of whom had serious boyfriends, that I was so not ready for that. So, I went to Chevy's, my favorite at that time, that night. It was really quiet there for some reason and my friend and I spotted two guys looking at us. I told her that I knew that they were going to come over, and that I would talk to the thin guy. Next thing I knew, it was like one in the morning....we had spent the whole night talking. John was 30 at the time, which was very scandalous to my friends! We were engaged in ten months and married a year later....glad I wasn't looking...LOL. We've been together 22 years, and married for 20, and hoping for much more!!
Elissa
Wife of John, 52
Dx cc 9/3/10; Stage IV
14/25 LN; 2 liver mets
Lynch: MSH2; KRAS mutant
Colon resection 9/9
Various complications
12 rounds of FOLFOX/FOLFIRI
was called home on 4/30/11

User avatar
Anji
Posts: 506
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:07 pm
Facebook Username: pray for larry edge
Location: Kentucky

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Anji » Sat Feb 05, 2011 12:24 am

Another "normal" day in our house. Now both of the youngest kids have the flu...YUCK....and Jonah came down with it yesterday, on his birthday. Poor little guy....we plan to celebrate on Sunday, after church. I hope Jonah feels up to it, because Larry has chemo again on Monday.....

This is Larry's 2nd day of feeling well. Which means he had 10 crappy days, and will have (hopefully) 4 good ones this round....sigh. That's not enough good time....

We're going to talk to the onc on Monday. Something has to give...Larry wants to discuss XELOX, hoping that the Xeloda will be easier to tolerate than the 5FU....

Have a good weekend everyone! We will be busy....Larry has lots of "stuff" to cram into the weekend!

Anji
Anji
Wife to Larry, Stage IV Colon Cancer, with mets to liver
Diagnosed 1/10 at age 44
Folfiri + Avastin 2/10 to 7/10
Liver resection and ablation 9/10
Numerous mets to lung and liver 1/11
Folfox + Avastin 2/11 to 6/11
Folfiri + Vectibix 6/11 to ???


Return to “Colon Talk - Colon cancer (colorectal cancer) support forum”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: tminor5, zx10guy and 37 guests