Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

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Pagal1
Posts: 66
Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2012 11:10 am

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Pagal1 » Tue May 22, 2012 7:33 pm

Oh Sharon,Melanie and others .. What would I do you ?
Latest, on the in - laws front is I need therapy .. They r in complete denial and hoping for a miracle .. I'm hoping for one
too,but I'm realistic,as well ..
I've decided to carry on and take them out of the equation and plan without them in the picture.. They live 5-6 hrs away and to their credit are 70+ and it's hard on them ,,
I had a wonderful surprise yes day a friend of mine treated me to a massage and I realized I haven't done
anything for me for so long ..... Lesson learnt .. I need to take time for myself and I will do that ...And I have to bear my cross with a smile on my face :D
Wife to wonderful husband
CC-6/09-age39
3C-SBTL colectomy, FOLFOX(12cyc)
7/11-cancer returns-Stage4-omental mets
6cycles FOLFORI & Avastin(3)
HIPEC & cytoredn-11/11
gastroparesis-6/12-still onTPN,liver & lung mets
Folfiri -2nd opinion now

MelanieB
Posts: 115
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:47 am
Location: Vancouver, BC

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby MelanieB » Tue May 22, 2012 7:54 pm

Good for you Shital...doing something nice for yourself. What a thoughtful friend. I too got a massage certificate from my daughters for Mother's Day so I'm looking forward to using it. :)
Glad you're taking the in-laws out of the equation. Do what's best for you! Do you have any family that can talk to them about being more respectful to you and help them understand what you are going through?
Hang in there girl. I prayed for you today.

So my 89 year old dad fell and broke his collar bone on the weekend and didn't call me till last night. I had to phone 911 and get him an ambulance (we live 1/2 hour away) and then spend the evening informing all my siblings. Thank goodness my sister offered to pick him up from emergency but I still got the call at midnight. Then spent the day with him picking up prescriptions, food items, cleaning up his house a bit and bringing him soup for lunch. Glad I had made a hearty soup for dinner last night. If it's not one thing it's another hey??

Melanie
Husband (48) diagnosed Stage 4 May 19, 2011
Surgery to remove tumour
Mets to liver, lungs and lymphs
Completed 15 rounds Folfiri and Avastin
Started with Folfox 9 rounds
Aug. 27 stopped working
Given 6-7 weeks
Went to heaven Dec. 19, 2012

Mojo
Posts: 729
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2011 1:43 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Mojo » Tue May 22, 2012 9:22 pm

Shital, glad your friend treated u to massage! Small things help so much. Please take care of yourself
Melanie, so sorry about your dads fall. Glad u were able to help him, it does seem as its always something,
Love to you both. Sharon
colon cancer stage 3 2n0mets 2002
cancer returns march 2010
emerg brain surgery, chemo may 2010 sterotactic radiation april 2010

progression of tumors march 2011 new chemo camptosar leukovorin 5fu avastin
Kenny age 58/died 11/21/11

Pagal1
Posts: 66
Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2012 11:10 am

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Pagal1 » Wed May 23, 2012 6:25 pm

Melanie,Sharon.. Thx for ur loving responses.. I'm praying for your Dad today,melanie and hoping for a good recovery ... Yes.. There is usually one thing or another to deal with .. But I realize that happiness is a choice .. I try not to b miserable very,very hard .. And i think i do a good job most of the time,there's lots of things if we start counting to be happy abt..
Love and strength my sisters,
Shital
Wife to wonderful husband
CC-6/09-age39
3C-SBTL colectomy, FOLFOX(12cyc)
7/11-cancer returns-Stage4-omental mets
6cycles FOLFORI & Avastin(3)
HIPEC & cytoredn-11/11
gastroparesis-6/12-still onTPN,liver & lung mets
Folfiri -2nd opinion now

User avatar
pmterra
Posts: 599
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2011 6:12 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby pmterra » Wed May 23, 2012 7:12 pm

Hi Ladies :) I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I have been reading and catching up though. I do keep each of you in my prayers. My daughter in law's grandpa just passed after being diagnosed with colon cancer about 18 months ago. He fought as hard as he could but in the end decided to stop the chemo when he realized the tumors were continuing to grow in his liver. It's hard to hear of the death of someone who had the same diagnosis as Andy. I met her grandma at the shower I had for my daughter-in-law about 5 days after Andy was diagnosed. Megan's family all came over the house afterwards to visit Andy and to wish him well. At the wedding these same grandparents danced the night away and were the last couple on the dance floor celebrating being married the longest....60 years! It makes me sad to remember how happy they were that night and now to be separated.

Shital, I think you are doing the best that you can and that is all you can expect from yourself. I understand that the in laws are elderly and you have to be respectful of that and the fact that they are your husbands parents. However, if their presence is causing you more stress than you already have, I don't blame you for planning without their input. Living far away might make it easier for them to deal with everything only b/c they don't see the stress and pain that cancer causes on a daily basis. I wouldn't think they would have to be begged to come see their son but I guess everyone is different. I'm glad you made the time to go for that massage. You HAVE to do that for yourself. I worry about you....you have so much to deal with...being a caregiver is a full time job emotionally and physically. You're not only doing that but you're taking care of a family and working a job that has its' own stress. Give yourself some "me" time even if it's only 2-3 times a month for an hour. It'll re-energize you. Melanie...I'm sorry about your Dad, he probably didn't want to cause you any more anxiety. He's certainly lucky to have such a thoughtful and caring daughter! Lisa...I'm sorry about Kevin's pain. For me that was one of the hardest parts - seeing my normally strong husband suffering not only physically but mentally as well. Trying to imagine your life without him is just making things worse for you. When and if you have to, you will somehow but that isn't something you can plan. Just focus on the present and find a blessing in each day you have together. I know you are :) Niki...it was good to hear from you....you should be on that dream vacation now...I hope it's everything you hope for - you and Matt deserve it! Sharon....I can't imagine how hard Kenny's birthday was for you. I think those are the days where you just let go and let everything out. I admire your wisdom and strength. I'm sure Kenny is watching over you with pride. Helping others certainly takes the focus off ourselves and makes it easier to get through each day. To all my other sisters...stay strong and know how much you are thought of and prayed for.

Love to all,
Paula
caregiver to survivor husband
Stage 3C - Colon
surgery June, 2008
6 mo. chemo/FOLFOX & Avastin
June 2015 - 7 year survivor :)

petunia52175
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed May 23, 2012 10:32 pm
Facebook Username: Dianne DeWitt Brygger

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby petunia52175 » Wed May 23, 2012 11:43 pm

Hello all,
I have been looking for a group like this. My husband was diagnosed 2/24/12. He has stage IIIC as of right now but they are watching two small spots in the lungs and one on the liver. At this point the spots are too small to identify. His next CT scan will be in August. No one but me seems concerned about these spots, but I am terrified that they are metastases. Part of my worry is that my dad died from stage IV kidney cancer last July and it was horrible. Also, I am a nurse see cancer metastasize all the time. Our oncologist said theses spots often turn out to be nothing and my husband says that he "knows" he does not have any more cancer. His CEA is 2.4 (normal) and down from 25 prior to surgery. He calls me negative Nellie and gets upset with me for worrying so I don't talk to him about my fears any more. I know I should relax and enjoy today. Any tips on how to do this? My husband turned 40 thirteen days before he was diagnosed. We have 3 daughters ages 19, 18, and 12. When I think of him not being there to give them away when they marry or to see our youngest child graduate I freak out. It is getting better, but when he was first diagnosed, I would cry every time I saw and older couple, thinking I would not get to grow old with my husband. Again, I think a lot of this stems from my dad passing away from cancer just 8 months before my husband was diagnosed. My dad was only 60 and my mother a widow at 58.

Another issue I am having is feeling overwhelmed by all the responsibility of being a caregiver. The actual care giving part is okay, like I said I am a nurse, but it is the taking care of the house, the kids, the dogs, the yard, and working that is the problem. I am so fortunate that my husband helped out with everything before but now that he doesn't feel well enough to do much of anything I feel like I am drowning. My kids help some but the oldest is in college and working two jobs this summer, our middle one works and is just about to graduate from high school (another stress), and the youngest one is spoiled and has and attitude problem that I don't have the energy to deal with right now. She is also having a hard time with dad being sick. To make things worse, last Sunday my husband was feeling good so he went for a 4 wheeler ride and fell off and broke his wrist so he will be in a cast for 12 weeks. Now what he was able to do will be less because he only has one arm. He feels bad that he can't help out and is really beating himself up about breaking his wrist (he was being reckless). He has a hard time asking anyone for help and he doesn't like me to ask either. He is frustrated that he can't do the things he wants to and doesn't want people to know how bad he feels. Whenever anyone asks how he is, he says "wonderful". This is getting better though as he realizes that feeling bad from chemo treatments is okay.

My husband has had 5 Folfox treatments. For the most part he feels pretty well. He is very tired especially on chemo week and has a couple days where he is nauseous. There is also the numbness and tingling in his hands from the oxaliplatin but this is managed by avoiding cold. He is not able to work when he has the pump on because over the biohazard risk and he usually feels too sick to work the day after the pump is removed but he does go to work on Friday of chemo week and everyday on his off week. He only works 4 hours a day though, he is just too tired to work 8. It does him good to get out of the house and see other people and feel productive. I can't say enough good things about his employer. They have been very supportive and accommodating.

I am sorry this post got so lengthy. My hubby is so positive that I don't want to bring him down with my negativity. I would appreciate any advice on how to worry less and how to manage my responsibilities better.
Dianne
wife of Scott (age 40) Dx 2/24/12
Hemicolectomy 2/24/12
Stage IIIC, 9 of 30 lymph nodes affected
Folfox started 3/26/12

JulieTX

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby JulieTX » Wed May 23, 2012 11:44 pm

hi all, first time on board, first time posting. My father was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer on May 2, emergency surgery to remove tennis ball size mass in his colon on 5/3, 5 more days in hospital. He's 68, was completely healthy before this except for reflux, GERD, etc. Also found out he has candida, h-pylori, and both are bad for cancer. I am new to terminology, but his rating was T4, N2, M1 I think (if I remember) 11 out of 33 lymphs cancerous, everything removed, no mets to liver or lungs. Blessings: no coloscopy bag needed, no pneumonia, no complications from surgery really..recovering well physically but struggling emotinally, mainly because he fears what others will say to him about his treatment plan. He has chosen not to do chemo, has ALWAYS said this his entire life - if he ever got cancer, no chemo. My mom promised him years ago she'd respect that, and while she is struggling now to keep that promise, she is accepting it more each day. So, respecting his wishes, my older sister and I, along with my mother, are supporting him by helping with supplements and radical diet changes. We both live next door to him. I am a single mom to a 13 year old boy who has always looked to my dad and his own father - because his dad is out of the picture really. Unfortunately, since most cancer patients do chemo, I can't seem to find anyone to relate to, nor can he in terms of hope...but, I have already seen on this board similar emotional srtuggles spoken about that I am dealing with as well, so I am hoping to glean some encouragement here. Thanks in advance...Julie (age 40)

petunia52175
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed May 23, 2012 10:32 pm
Facebook Username: Dianne DeWitt Brygger

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby petunia52175 » Thu May 24, 2012 12:58 am

Hi Julie,
I am new to this group too. Sorry to hear about your dad. His diagnosis sounds almost identical to my husband's. My hubby has acid reflux and GERD too. In fact he thought that the symptoms he was having from the tumor where related to GERD which delayed him going to the doctor sooner. He has stage 3C colon cancer with no mets to lungs or liver and 9 of 30 lymph nodes affected. He is doing chemo. The side effects suck but are manageable. Several doctors have told us that chemo for colon cancer is better tolerated than chemo for other cancers. I am sure your dad's doctors gave him the statistics but I will tell you what we were told. Our doctor at the Mayo Clinic said that if they removed all the cancer and did no further treatment there was a 66% chance the cancer would return. If you do chemo there is a 33% chance the cancer will return. So he said you can do nothing and be fine and you can do chemo and have the cancer recur. However, the chances of recurrence are reduced with the chemo. So there is hope that your dad will be fine without chemo. I think it is great that you and your sister and mom are respecting your dad's wishes not to do chemo. I imagine it is hard for you and you can encourage him to have treatment but it is ultimately the his choice. I lost my dad to kidney cancer last July. He took an oral chemo med for a long time and it worked for a while but once it stopped working the disease progressed quickly. My mom, sister, and I encouraged further treatment but my dad said no. He was done. And we had to respect that. I should add that my dad had stage 4 cancer. He had almost 4 years cancer free after diagnosis and removal of the kidney and no chemo or radiation. Then the cancer came back in several other sites and he lived for almost 2 years after that, 1 1/2 of which were very good. I hope your dad remains cancer free. Prayers to you.
Dianne
wife of Scott (age 40) Dx 2/24/12
Hemicolectomy 2/24/12
Stage IIIC, 9 of 30 lymph nodes affected
Folfox started 3/26/12

loveofmylife
Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 12:41 pm
Location: Indiana

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby loveofmylife » Thu May 24, 2012 8:56 am

Greetings to All,

I have been trying to catch up on everyone. Life has been very difficult for us lately, even more so. As most of you know, my husband Tom is 40 and so am I. Five years ago in March, I was diagnosed with the first of three cancers in three years of time, only to find out when things started to return to normal for us that my best friend, husband, daddy, our rock, was diagnosed with rectal cancer in November of 2010. Since then, he has underwent a lot: chemos, radiations, multiple surgeries, only for the beast to continue to grow. Tonight, our oldest daughter of three graduates from her 8th grade class with honors, which is wonderful, but also hard knowing that Tom will not be here to see our other two daughters do the same. I cry so often, begged my family doctor for medication yesterday,and he informed me that I did not need to hide behind medicine but to talk to a crisis, stress, or psych center, for talking would help. I just asked him how long he has been married, and has he ever watched his spouse suffer, throw up, loose weight, no energy, or have a seizure that was so horrible, then you see if just talking will help. My husband was told not to continue chemo treatments for they are not working by one onc and was told to try 6 more by another onc, which who we are following currently. Next testing is in June, which onc hopes that brain mets are none. Just so lost. Husbands work replaced him, and now I am going to be working two jobs, but I dont see how they will pay the bills. I am so tired, stressed and scared. I know that no one is promised an easy life, but hello, in five years of time, all our girls no is cancer. One of my daughters class mates stopped me on Tuesday and asked just how long Toms timeline was, did they give us a date. As usual, tears welled up in my eyes and my baby girl (7 years) just looked at me with her brown eyes and asked whats wrong mommy, and I just changed the subject. I know the doctors told us in Feb this year, they gave Tom "about" a year. I did tell one of my good friends that I can see the changes I have already made within myself. I hurt so bad to see families or spouses together, not jealous, but just a very broken heart. I really dont know how I will make it thru tonight, because this is the school he went to, his name is on the basketball awards trophy showcase, and probably like usual, I will smile and be happy, but broken inside. Praying for strength for everyone and for many miracles......Michelle
Tom dx 11/10 crc st.3
Rad/Chemo/Surgery 3/15/11
Dx St4 mets to Liver 3/25/11
10/28Surgury 11hrs:Liver/Lungs
1/22/12 brain 2 mets w/multi liver,lung mets
2/07gamma knife:brain
9.16.12 married 17yrs with 3 daughters
9.21.12 at 40 yrs called home to heaven

MelanieB
Posts: 115
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:47 am
Location: Vancouver, BC

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby MelanieB » Thu May 24, 2012 9:13 am

Welcome Dianne and Julie. So sorry for what you're going through. You certainly will get plenty of support and info. here from these wonderful ladies who have been around much longer than me.

My husband was diagnosed at age 48 exactly a year ago with stage 4 colon with mets to lymphs, liver and lungs. We have 3 daughters as well Dianne but a little older. As for your question on worry? I am a terrible worrier and I should have been a mess emotionally all this past year but have had an incredible amount of peace over all that I can only attribute to God carrying us...you know that poem Footprints? That's been us. I understand you may have different beliefs but I am just sharing what helped us through.
I can tell you that although it's been rough, it has also been very different from the horror I had imagined. Dianne, you will manage and find strength in yourself you never thought you had. If you have the money, hire help. If you have friends that offer...take it! I went from cleaning the house really well every week to cleaning well every OTHER week and less well the other week. ha ha The girls are helping with vacuuming. A friend mows our lawn every week. I have a very messy 22 year old who is gradually going from a not very helpful girl to one that cleaned my house for me yesterday just because. You'll all learn, change, grow. We've been very open with our kids about everything and they have appreciated it. Guessing is not any less stressful for them. We've also been very open with all our friends and family and the outpouring of love and support because of this has made our journey bearable.

Julie, so sorry about your dad. Must be hard for you and your mom knowing he doesn't want to go the chemo route. I understand and respect that thinking but I have to say that it's been more manageable than expected. There was a discovery recently of a drug used for years for other conditions that has had remarkable results in shrinking tumours. It's called DCA...has no side effects and was all over the news recently. I printed off a bunch of info on it, gave it to our family doctor and he has agreed to give it to Terry when we have to stop chemo. It costs only pennies so it's hard to get funding for the next stages of testing on humans. Worth looking into.

Strength to you both,
Melanie
Husband (48) diagnosed Stage 4 May 19, 2011
Surgery to remove tumour
Mets to liver, lungs and lymphs
Completed 15 rounds Folfiri and Avastin
Started with Folfox 9 rounds
Aug. 27 stopped working
Given 6-7 weeks
Went to heaven Dec. 19, 2012

MelanieB
Posts: 115
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:47 am
Location: Vancouver, BC

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby MelanieB » Thu May 24, 2012 9:19 am

Michelle, I just saw your post. It breaks my heart. I have no words. Praying for strength and comfort for you.

Melanie
Husband (48) diagnosed Stage 4 May 19, 2011
Surgery to remove tumour
Mets to liver, lungs and lymphs
Completed 15 rounds Folfiri and Avastin
Started with Folfox 9 rounds
Aug. 27 stopped working
Given 6-7 weeks
Went to heaven Dec. 19, 2012

Mojo
Posts: 729
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2011 1:43 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby Mojo » Fri May 25, 2012 12:13 am

Hello Diane , Julie and Michelle, sorry about the cancer that ha invaded your lives! My husband passed away nov 21 , 2011 from colon ca. It is very hard to watch them worsen. I will pray for you all. I stick around in case I can help in any way. It's a tough road we walk
with our loved ones, but the love will sustain you. Somehow it does. Love, sharon
colon cancer stage 3 2n0mets 2002
cancer returns march 2010
emerg brain surgery, chemo may 2010 sterotactic radiation april 2010

progression of tumors march 2011 new chemo camptosar leukovorin 5fu avastin
Kenny age 58/died 11/21/11

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pmterra
Posts: 599
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2011 6:12 pm

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby pmterra » Fri May 25, 2012 2:53 pm

Hi! So sad that we have to hear so many new stories and at the same time very happy you found us! My husband was dx in June '08 with stage 3c colon cancer. He had surgery and 6 months if FOLFOX and Avastin. He's done very well since and we are very blessed and grateful! I remember clearly how I felt in the beginning - scared, sad and inconsolable and totally alone. I didn't realize how many other caregivers felt all the same things! I wish we hadn't heard those 3 words - you have cancer and at the same time I don't ever want to forget. I feel like you Sharon....I want to help other caregivers however I can. All the things I've read recently here are very familiar. Try to be patient with yourself b/c nothing you are feeling is wrong even when you feel overwhelmed by all that you have to take on. Be good to yourself and realize that while you are both in this together, its a different perspective. Your spouse may not understand how u feel. He/she may be too wrapped up in their own struggles right now. I promise you will get stronger - you will do what you have to in order to get thru anything that is put before you even if you think you wont/cant right now. Always here for you b/c we share a story now and I am happy to share all the things I wish I had known at the time. In the meantime I will keep you all in my heart and in my prayers. -Paula
caregiver to survivor husband
Stage 3C - Colon
surgery June, 2008
6 mo. chemo/FOLFOX & Avastin
June 2015 - 7 year survivor :)

sgateman

Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby sgateman » Fri May 25, 2012 5:55 pm

Julie; I am not on here regularly,but read all the time..Your post hit home...So just a note...I was diagnosed at 65, very much like your dad..I did chemo, stopped at 7 with severe reaction....I never fully recovered, had many reactions and still severe neuropathy....but that is just me, many have done fine...if I knew what I now know, I would have refused chemo, till it showed up as mets to my liver. It was 2 years before that happened and I would have probably been in great shape for chemo, resection failed, and I have refused chemo...I am not recommending this, but it is what in hindsight I would have done. I might have relapsed sooner, don't know, but that is an option your dad could have, save chemo till later. It is a roll of the dice, but I would have done it that way, just so you know..I am now 69, one year out from failed resection, no chemo, liver mets with chemo ailments, not cancer ailments..Bless you and your dad...just wanted you to know you are not alone....and I don't recommend anything, it was my choice and my hindsight thoughts..Pat

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arose428
Posts: 56
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Facebook Username: arose428
Location: Boston, MA
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Re: Wives of husbands with Stage IV Colon Freaking Cancer

Postby arose428 » Fri May 25, 2012 9:10 pm

Hey Everyone,
My husband went home from hospital on hospice today :( Still doesn't feel real to me. On a good note we drove to NH and will spend our weekend by the ocean. Enjoying every second of it. My emotions are all over the place. Just praying for strength.
Mojo - Your posts have always gave me strength .. Thank You
Wendy
Husband age 50 Diagnosed -Kidney Cancer Feb 2010
Kidney removed
Diagnosed Aug 2010 Colon cancer stage 1V spread to abdomen
No surgery can be done.
Chemo since September 2010
Currently on 5fu
Passed away peacefully at home on June 3, 2012


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