Welcome Christy! I'm glad you introducted yourself. This is a great place, as you've seen, and while I'm sorry you "have" to be here, I'm glad you found us!
Bev, can I be the First Wife? I've always wanted to be the "First Wife", cause I think she has all the privileges, and the "other wives" gotta do all the work....; )
I think this thread is great. I have enjoyed reading everyone's perspective. Someone mentioned the fear getting better with time....and what I've found to be the case is that when Larry is doing well, off chemo, recovered from surgery or whatever, that the fear does diminish. Or at least it doesn't fill my mind every waking hour. Now, with the bad scans in December and the new chemo started, and the weird side effects that seem to be exclusive to Larry....the fear has once again claimed me. I can get through the days pretty well. I'm so busy that I don't have a choice but to "forget" the fear or push it aside, or whatever it is that I do that allows me to function. Then darkness falls....and the kids go to bed and the house gets quiet....and the fear overtakes me.
Tonight I am lying in a hotel room next to Larry. Our middle son Jonah is in the next bed. Jonah will see a few new specialists tomorrow to try and get some answers about the health issues that he is currently facing. So I'm lying in bed next to Larry, feeling his warmth and hearing his breathing. And that brings me comfort. But I'm also staring at Jonah in the next bed, standing watch over him too....trying to keep HIS monsters at bay for another night.
It's freaking exhausting, let me tell 'ya....but somehow, someway, I find the strength to get up each day and go on. It's not always pretty. It's never "perfect"....but somehow, life goes on. And what I've seen here, from the wives, husbands, friends, parents and other caregivers is that I'm not unique. I've stumbled upon possibly the strongest group of people I know. And while I would never "want" to be a part of this club....I thank God every day for the blessings that I find here.....
Oh and Kathleen, sitting in your shorts with the window open tonight....I'm thinking we need to have a "wives meeting"....at your house!!!! About a week or so would probably do it...got room for 10 or 12 of us?!?!?!