Postby loveofmylife » Thu May 24, 2012 8:56 am
Greetings to All,
I have been trying to catch up on everyone. Life has been very difficult for us lately, even more so. As most of you know, my husband Tom is 40 and so am I. Five years ago in March, I was diagnosed with the first of three cancers in three years of time, only to find out when things started to return to normal for us that my best friend, husband, daddy, our rock, was diagnosed with rectal cancer in November of 2010. Since then, he has underwent a lot: chemos, radiations, multiple surgeries, only for the beast to continue to grow. Tonight, our oldest daughter of three graduates from her 8th grade class with honors, which is wonderful, but also hard knowing that Tom will not be here to see our other two daughters do the same. I cry so often, begged my family doctor for medication yesterday,and he informed me that I did not need to hide behind medicine but to talk to a crisis, stress, or psych center, for talking would help. I just asked him how long he has been married, and has he ever watched his spouse suffer, throw up, loose weight, no energy, or have a seizure that was so horrible, then you see if just talking will help. My husband was told not to continue chemo treatments for they are not working by one onc and was told to try 6 more by another onc, which who we are following currently. Next testing is in June, which onc hopes that brain mets are none. Just so lost. Husbands work replaced him, and now I am going to be working two jobs, but I dont see how they will pay the bills. I am so tired, stressed and scared. I know that no one is promised an easy life, but hello, in five years of time, all our girls no is cancer. One of my daughters class mates stopped me on Tuesday and asked just how long Toms timeline was, did they give us a date. As usual, tears welled up in my eyes and my baby girl (7 years) just looked at me with her brown eyes and asked whats wrong mommy, and I just changed the subject. I know the doctors told us in Feb this year, they gave Tom "about" a year. I did tell one of my good friends that I can see the changes I have already made within myself. I hurt so bad to see families or spouses together, not jealous, but just a very broken heart. I really dont know how I will make it thru tonight, because this is the school he went to, his name is on the basketball awards trophy showcase, and probably like usual, I will smile and be happy, but broken inside. Praying for strength for everyone and for many miracles......Michelle
Tom dx 11/10 crc st.3
Rad/Chemo/Surgery 3/15/11
Dx St4 mets to Liver 3/25/11
10/28Surgury 11hrs:Liver/Lungs
1/22/12 brain 2 mets w/multi liver,lung mets
2/07gamma knife:brain
9.16.12 married 17yrs with 3 daughters
9.21.12 at 40 yrs called home to heaven