It is almost a matter of "copy and paste" with almost everything is been talked about here.
I am a newbie in the forum. I live in Brisbane, Australia.
A few weeks ago, we went for a drive to the sunshine coast. Russ only drove for 35 minutes and he couldn't keep on going. His energy levels are very low. Anyway, I took over and hooked my phone to the Bluetooth of the car and of we went listening to Pandora radio. There were a few songs playing that i needed to pretend having a sneeze attack only because I was containing my tears. I'm keeping a
stoic and positive attitude when I'm with Russ, but I'm truly scared to death. I can't lose him and I don't know if this kind of thing ever goes into remission. The doctors are just telling us that it's a bad cancer and that they'll treat it aggressively with chemo (and hopefully, a new drug that is supposed to shut down receptors on colon tumors...
I'm honestly not sure how to manage my emotions but like I said before, in front of him, I look strong.
I hate the way that our lives have changed. I hate the thought of losing him. I hate the thought of feeling empty and seeing my life without a purpose if I lose him. I hate the fact that I can't do anything for the cancer to go away.
Once, the purpose of my existence was my son. Waking up every morning and being thankful for the joy of motherhood. Now he's building his own life and I enjoy every day seeing him doing what he loves and spreading kindness with that gorgeous smile of his... Since he left the nest, my focus turned to be the best partner that I could to my absolutely perfect man.
Our pretty much "perfect" life went to an unexpected grey cloud where I can see the sun only because I HAVE to. I'm terribly scared. I'm terribly sad. I can't find the answers I need. This is to me like a punishment. I wish I could explain it better... I'm so sorry for the frustrating post but I need to get it out.
Now on the medical side of things:
My husband was diagnosed with stage IV CRC the 4th of August 2016. He was operated a few days after diagnosis and a large tumor was removed from the colon. He had 80% blockage and he had a port installed in early September last year…
He has mets to the peritoneum wall, and the liver. He waited 6 weeks and started with chemo (fluorouracil 5-FU, avastin combo). After 2 months on this, Pet scan showed mets on the liver. They changed chemo to Eurbitux, which apparently works for cancers with certain gene mutations.
Today was the last chemo = eurbitux combo before test and scans. If everything is working as it should, will be another 4 months on this regime. However, Eurbitux will be something that he will have for the rest of his life.
Russell is 53 years old. He received the “Free test” sent by the government when he reached 50 but completely refused to "poo in a tube" and threw the test in the bin... 2 and half years later he was diagnosed with stage IV. FML!!!
Caring for him is an emotional challenge...I have good days, bad days and everything in between. Sometimes I need just to say: "I am at the edge of tears, please talk to me".