I like the idea
of this thread, and I'm sure exclusion wasn't intended. We could just as easily call it a caregivers thread. But I do think there are some unique aspects for those
of us
who are
wives or partners and I like the idea
of sharing with people in the same situation as me. I have learned a lot about this disease on this board, and have especially benefited by reading posts from people
who are the patients. It helps me to maybe understand what my husband is going through. But, being able to identify another wife/husband/partner in the same situation as me provides me a connection, some commaraderie, and knowledge that I am not alone in this. My best friend is gay and he
has a partner
of many years...and I would NEVER want him excluded from the benefits
of this type
of thread just because they're not married, or because he's not a woman. I didn't start this thread, but knowing the kind and loving people that are on this board, I'm fairly certain that no exclusion was really intended.
Now, back on topic. I, too, am the spouse
of a Stage 4 patient, and it's new to me like many
of you. So, I'm very thankful to find this larger community, but also to find this community within the community
who might understand the feelings I have. I think we spend so much time worrying about our partner and what is down the road and, god forbid, what life would be like without them that
we forget ourselves. We can get swollowed up by it if we are not careful. Although it's never far from my mind, I've found I've just had learn to compartmentalize this whole thing. My husband was laid off from IBM after a long career there, and then learned
of his
cancer (yeah, 2010 was a crappy year!). So...I'm the only one in the family right now with a job and I need to keep it!
I work for a large medical institution, so they've been absolutely fantastic at being supportive, but still I recognize how important it is to keep doing a good job. And, I direct about 25 people, so I couldn't let them all down either. Compartmentalizing is the only way I can see to function at this point. I'd love to hear more from others about how they keep living a "normal" life...or as I call it - the new normal.
Anji! I do the same thing. I'll just rest my hand on his chest in the middle
of the night after I wake up...to remind me that he's still here. He almost died last month, so everytime I look at him I think I'm on borrowed time with him. I have to make sure I'm squeezing every good moment out
of our life together that I can.
I've also decided to get certified in Reiki massage. I take my first class this weekend and am excited for that. I've read a lot about how it can help
cancer patients in their healing - in a complementary way. I know we could hire someone to do Reiki, but I thought it would make more sense if I was the one doing it for him.
Has anyone used Reiki?
Anyway...I'm rambling too. I think, like most
of you, we could all write volumes. Thank you for being there...friends.
Namaste,
Julia