Sex life after colon surgery/cancer?

[Guest]

I'm just wondering if I'll ever feel normal again after all that I've been through. I have absolutely no drive at all and wonder if this is just now my life.

[Guest]

Hi Guest,

I am a one year survivor (plus 3 months), have finished chemo, and have resumed my sex life. I too felt like I would never desire sex again. I sure didn't feel sexy after my surgery, chemo made me feel old and sick, so I really had my doubts. I can assure you though, things will get back to normal as time goes on.

Try not to worry.....right now you have enough to do without worrying about this. Life....one day at a time!

[Billy]

For a while after surgery, as well as during treatment, your body is going through a very traumatic experience. I lost my drive for lots of things, including sex. Eventually all this wore off, and I was back to my normal adolescent raging hormones. I also became a little self confident about the scars, but then I remembered my body wasn’t all that great before. . I’m in between treatments right now, but for a while there I was having as much sex after getting sick as before. I mean, none is still none, but at least my drive was alive.


Billy

[Rudyjet]

I'm just wondering if I'll ever feel normal again after all that I've been through. I have absolutely no drive at all and wonder if this is just now my life.

I was 41 when I had my colon cancer surgery which also resulted in having to have a colostomy. I was told by my doctor I might even become impotent which scared me, but that didn't happen. By irrigating, I am able to control my bowel movements. I wear a stoma seal and sex had not been a problem. Not even at 75.
It will take several months to recover completly from this major surgery. You will feel normal again!

Rudy

[tfigg]

Rudy,
I can relate. I had a illeostomy and can understand what you are feeling. My husband never saw that when he looked at me but I did, in fact that is all I saw. In my own head I could not nor did I want to be intimate. I had radiation so being intimate even today is painful but getting better with time. If your colostomy is permanent, then it will take time for you to get past it because someone who sees you for you does not even see that you have that. I called my illeostomy "Oscar" as it collected waste like Oscar the grouch on sesame street. I had to find humor in having something so traumatic.

What made mine worse is that I had just gotten married, so feeling sexy was just not there. It has taken time to regain my confidence, and I don't have the bag any longer. I think our own minds can be over critical and in my case that was the issue.

Good luck to you, and keep smiling as humor does get you through.

Tammy Figg
www.figgtree.com

[Hannah]

I just read a review of a book called "Sexuality and Fertility After Cancer" by Leslie Schover. It was publised in 1997, but it looks like a good resource and was reviewed by Lorraine Johnston, a reputable author in her own right - here's the info:


Link to the review on the Colon Cancer Alliance website:
http://www.ccalliance.org/resource/book ... ility.html


Link to the book on Amazon ($10.85 new and used from $1.91):
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/047118 ... oding=UTF8

[darcy]

It gets better!

My boyfriend was diagnosed with stage III at age 28, had surgery, chemo and radiation, and actually managed to keep our sex life going a bit during his treatments. (I think he did it more for my benefit than his, as he later admit.) Took about a year after chemo for things to start to get back to normal...I think the low sperm count from chemo has to do with low sex drive....but it was getting better.

He's been diagnosed again and is about to start chemo again, so I'm prepping myself for the barren months. Our friends joke about offering their services if needed. How's that for support? lol

But don't worry. The effects of chemo, radiation, etc take a while to get out of your system. Just think of the lucky girl or guy when your drive does come back.

[mscheryl103]

so I guess his drive is very low. He has had to take shots before of testostrone due to testicle cancer. Had that when he was 22. Now 28 years later he had colon cancer in 2002-2003. Had 4 surgeries in one year. In March of 2004 we tried. It was great for me "I had my husband back". Now he's not interested. He promises me he still loves me dearly.. I ask him every once in a while to try.. He just smiles... He did have a colonostymy and ileostymy. He is functioning somewhat normal, just still has to go to the bathroom several times a day about every 3-4 days. seems like he goes in a cycle. of going all day then he'll not go for 3-4 days.. then hes going again. His health otherwise has been good. He's able to work just tires easily. I feel like I've been more than patient. I just miss what we had.. any support out there or anyone going thru the same thing.. I just keep telling myself I have him alive... and that's great...he's tried Viagra and Cialis.. he says it keys him up to much.. Now he is on an antidepressant and seems to be more of himself. Not as irritable.


Ms C

[laura]

Hi,
If it helps, i found that intimacy, in any forms, was relaxing and a comfort. I often felt rejuvenated after making love. It was definately low key, not a wild romp in the bedroom, but provided the reassuring bond we both needed. I was in my mid-late 30's and ended up naming our physical displays of affection"therapy". Letting the cancer patient call all of the shots, and expecting nothing but cuddling may put your man at ease ladies...

[mscheryl103]

We just found out his cancer has come back now a 3rd time. So all the while I was feeling neglect that is what was going on.. He's had his first Chemo treatment this week. Supposed to have 12 only takes a treatment wvery other week. Right now he is just drained of any energy. We usually go to our summer place on weekends but not this time. Just to weak.

Ms C

[Ron50]

I had surgery for st3 in Jan 98 followed by 12 mos of chemo . I have had no sexual function since. My doctor gave me some pill ,ciallisI think, said that they would give me function for up to 30 hours. They sort of worked but only for about 3 hrs. My wife really gets pissed off with the situation and I really believe that it has all but ended our marriage. I'd do anything to rectify the situation but the attitude of the doctors seems to be"you have survived ca, what more do you expect?". I'd really like a life,ssssiiigggghhhh Ron.

[Guest]

I am glad someone brought up this subject!!!!
I am 5 months off chemo now for a very advanced stage of cancer I am ned at the moment still have a hepatic pump in my abdomen and my port in. But I have got to tell you my hormones are raging! My hair has grown in really nice and I have been getting my shape back (due to some serious working out) I feel great the problem is my husband does not come near me! (well it has been 18 months or more with no sex) so I attacked him last week but he still did not seem to into it Strange I am wondering if this has taken a to much of a toll on him? I feel great look better then I have in years I am going to be 40 and want to forget about this bloody cancer beast -our lifes are back to normal except in the bedroom. ETL

[johnmeissner]

I don't recall have any particular feelings of wanting to be intimate while in the hospital, although I did actually have an erection while my catheter was still inserted!

Since coming home, I have felt that my sex drive has been fairly normal. In fact, my wife and I "recreated" about 5 or 6 days after I left the hospital. While we don't "do it" every night, it's just good to know everything still works and that she still finds me desirable.

[nursescruffy@hotmail.com]

My question has nothing to do with sex. But I do hope I cah get an answer anyway. I had a colostomy in 1994 because I had diverticulitis. I had it for 3 months and then they put me back together. I have bm's regularly. However, I cannot plan to go out to eat unless I can be back home within 30 minutes of the meal. Because I have to have a BM. This has been going on ever since I was put back together. I am not lost any weight, however I feel this is not natural. Most of the stools are very loose, almost diarrhea. No blood or anything like that. Is this normal and am I justg being overly concerned. Look forward to hearing from someone who may have the same problem or an answer for me. Thank you for your time and trouble in your answer and concern. BaBarbara C

[Ivona]

My question has nothing to do with sex. But I do hope I cah get an answer anyway. I had a colostomy in 1994 because I had diverticulitis. I had it for 3 months and then they put me back together. I have bm's regularly. However, I cannot plan to go out to eat unless I can be back home within 30 minutes of the meal. Because I have to have a BM. This has been going on ever since I was put back together. I am not lost any weight, however I feel this is not natural. Most of the stools are very loose, almost diarrhea. No blood or anything like that. Is this normal and am I justg being overly concerned. Look forward to hearing from someone who may have the same problem or an answer for me. Thank you for your time and trouble in your answer and concern. BaBarbara C

Yup.....this is what I go thru. I have an urge to poop very soon after eating. I only finished chemo a few days ago...so I can't tell you how long this will last...maybe for ever? I don't mind that so much...at least I can plan that. What I hate is having to go frequently...some days I go 10-15 times! And yea, this has affected my sex life...how can you enjoy sex if you're afraid of pooping yourself??!!