PET results- not good

[starbuck30]

Well, I got my results and they suck. The cancer is back (if it ever actually left) in the lymph nodes in my chest and neck and possibly in the manubrium and several vertebrae. Stage IV for me. Dr. McG says cure is no longer very likely, we will probably be dealing with it as a more "chronic" condition (God I hate that term as it applies here). I asked about the likelihood of a spread to my brain and we did an immediate MRI and that's clear. Hey, I'll take whatever breaks I can get. McG says to spend the weekend "processing" and we'll talk on Monday about if I want to shoot for a clinical trial, get a second opinion at some place like MSKCC, or just go straight to FOLFIRI. I'm terrified. More terrified than I think I've been throughout this whole thing. I don't want to die. I want to marry my boyfriend and spend time with my family and have kids. I don't want to be thinking that this may be my last Christmas. I know I have options. I know we're not "there" yet, but with the cancer growing during FOLFOX, I can't help but feel that "there" is hot on my trail. Right now, I'm just trying to enjoy what life I have with my loved ones. To quote one of my favorite movies, "I'm not dead yet!"

Much love to all,
Starbuck

P.S. forgive me if I just lurk a bit for a while?

[BrownBagger]

"I'm not dead yet!"

That's right. And don't you forget it.

It takes awhile to process a new dx like that, Starbuck, but you'll come out of it with a plan and hopefully an optimistic approach moving forward. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

[Rick7]

Starbuck,
I am so sorry to hear this news.
I hope that if you decide on a trial, that it will work for you.
There isn't much I can do but say that I am sending get well vibes right now.

Rick

[Bev G]

Sweet Starbuck:

I have nothing to say at all, please just know I am sitting here sobbing in sympathy with you, my heart hurting for you. Lurk for however long you need as you gather steam to fight this MFing disease. With very much love, my internet "daughter", Bev

[michelle c]

Starbuck,

I'm so sorry to hear this...really don't know what to say to make you feel better, I doubt anything will but just wanted to say thinking of you. I agree with what Eric said. If you want to vent anytime, we're here for you.

love Michelle x

[joeyooser]

I'm really just speechless about this and don't have anything terribly useful to add to the discussion. I do hope you will shoot for a trial at a minimum. There are some things under development that can make a big difference.

So sorry about this and I will keep you in my prayers....

[Surroundedbylove]

Oh SB, I am so sorry to hear your news. We are here for you.

I hope that no matter the damn cancer that you do marry your boyfriend and enjoy your family and live life.

Prayers and thoughts are with you.

SBL

[jmarie]

I am so sorry. I am at a loss for words. That is what no one wants to hear and so hard to deal with. If you ever want to talk send me a PM.
Jess

[chrissyrice]

I am praying for your peace and comfort. You are not dead yet but fully alive!

Are you feeling physically okay otherwise? I hope so.
Hope you are not having any pain or other side effects to deal with during this time in your life.

I will pray that you will be guided to the right choices for you and your family. This is so overwhelming and I admire your honest, beatiful post, and your sharing of your thoughts and feelings with the news you received today.

Just today I was reading about living and dying and how being supported and talking to family was helpful to the patient. The article was written by a doctor that worked and wrote books with Elizabeth Kubler Ross. It truly helped me understand that we have no guarantees for tomorrow, but we do have today.

My heart goes out to you and your loved ones.

Chrissy

[Nanette]

Liz-

I am sitting here wishing there was something I could do for you. I wish I was close enough to you so I could give you a hug. You (or anyone else for that matter) shouldn't be going through this. You are a fighter and you will take it head on. That freaking cancer doesn't know who its dealing with! There are options out there for you. You will get through this. Take it one day at a time.

Please know we are here for you.

Much love and prayers going your way, Liz!
-Nanette

[CRguy]

Lurk away and know you are in our hearts.
PM'd you.

CRguy

[dj2158]

sb,

this fn stinks. so this was not there on your last scan during treatment. unbelievable. I am so sorry.

if it were me, i would go for the opinion at sloan and/or another big gun cancer center. i would want the very best doctors looking over everything and see/make sure that they are in agreement with your onc. i would want to know every option possible, to make my decision and an aggressive one at that. i hope i am not upsetting you by saying this.

i want the very best for you. i want you to get married, have those babies and spend many, many years with your family. i wish to god you didn't have to go through this. i wish i could take it all away for you.

take your time, think it out and what every you decide, we are here for you.

thinking of you and praying for you,

donna

[elissa]

Starbuck,
Was hoping and praying that your results would be more positive. You are young and strong, and a fighter.....keep trying to kick this cancer on its a**. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Elissa

[edinaman]

Starbuck, I don't know what to say. No one wanted to hear these results. Take time to process this, regroup, and I know you will get a plan, and start the fight to show this cancer who is boss. Lurk, and when you want to post, we are here.
Jeff

[pauldotcom]

I am so so sorry to hear this. I am wishing you peace and courage.