Can't Cut a Break!

[seussfan]

OK - here is my life right now:
1. lab screwed up my resulsts, so I did not get to start Chemo on Tuesday.
2. When I was randomized for the CC study I am going to be in, I got put into the group getting the traditional cocktail, not the one that combine it with Avastn 9it was the one my doc really wanted(
3. Went to start chemo yesterday and on the way I began to get stomach cramps. They were so bad, they decided not to sart the chemo.
4. Cramping got so bad I started throwing up - did this for nearly 2 hours. Husbanc tok me to the ER
5. Turns out I have a bowel obstruction. I now have a nasty tube down my nose and into my stomach. I am in the hospital until the obstruction can be fixed. Cross your fingers that I won't need surgery.

all of this is really affecting my husband more than me. It is hard to watch him - and he won't talk to me about it because he feesl it would burden me.
This has been so frustrating to me.

Well, the mrphine they have me on right now is putting me out. Tah tah!

[meighan]

Well you guys definitely have a full plate right now..........the problem with having cancer is once things go wrong you are quickly overwhelmed. I am going to say a prayer that you do not need surgery but try to just focus on getting better right now all the rest will start to fall into place once you are better again.......... i know what a bunch of bull shit right...please know i am not understating all you are going through... there have been so many moments in the past year where once things went downhill they went downhill fast and it sucked..........the roller coaster image comes back into mind you hold on to the bars close your eyes and scream and then the sun comes out a few things fall into place and boom we were going to make it once again, doing pretty well in all actuality.......... you are not alone just one thing at a time and right now you have to get well again and then when you are you will tackle all of the above one at a time.

lastly about your husband one HUGE hurdle we had to get over is me not sharing with him my fears trying to be the tough one.i mean what kind of person would i be if i told him all the things in my head?? We had to start sharing our fears his and mine....... it reminds me of just this am our 6 year old had a nightmare and she wouldn't tell me and it was just eating at her, finally i coaxed it out and now she is like remember that dream thats not going to happen huh?? That's how it was for us a nightmare once shared dismantled...give it time though as it has taken us a year and we are still working on it. Take care of yourself that will be the best medicine for all of you.

[susanz]

seussfan, i'm so sorry you're having so much trouble right now. my daughter was dx with stage 3 rectal cancer on april 4, 2005 when she was 22. she did not start chemo until june because she developed a huge infection around the lymph nodes near her tumor due to a trans rectal ultrasound procedure. after 2 trips to the ER and an ambulance ride to a major hospital, she was admitted for 10 days and hooked up to a morphine pump for most of that time. she came home on heavy duty pain killers and spent weeks recuperating. they finally put in her port and she developed huge blisters around the incision further delaying treatment. it seemed that everything that could go wrong, did.

fast forward 2 years and she is doing great! there were some more bumps in the road along the way, but she finished the initial chemo, had surgery, radiation with continuous 5fu and, finally, more chemo. through it all, she managed to graduate engineering school last may. her last treatment was 1 week after graduation. she is now working full time and paying for her first new car.

i know how frustrated and upset you are feeling but you WILL get through all of this. i hope things resolve quickly and without surgery. there is light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes it's just so hard to see it.

good luck and lots of prayers coming your way!

susan

[northern lights]

What a hard place to be in. Sometimes I look back and think, was that really me? did I really go through all of that? Some things I still can't face and start to fall apart just thinking about them.

You are very lucky to have a husband love you so much. There were so many days that I wish I just has someone's hand to hold.

Ask you husband what he needs from you, and tell him what you need. Don't try to guess and don't let him guess. It is not worth the waste of time when you need each other NOW.

There were many bumps during my journey, but I am cancer free and life is pretty normal right now. I am a better, happier, more content person. You will get though this. Time is a gift, no matter where we are in our lives. Don't waste a minute of it.

[Carolyn JB]

I am so sorry you are going through all this right now! After my original surgery to get the tumor out, I came home and was back in the hospital 5 days later for kidney failure - which turned out to be due dehydration, but I remember feeling so down and just feeling like when would we catch a break! I think this is all normal!

On the husband front, I just felt guilty - he spent so much time at the hospital with me - and I know he was stressed and worried but he kept up a cheerful attitude the entire time. Its hard on the entire family.

My thoughts are with you!
Carolyn

[aliveat35]

So sorry to hear about your challenges. Is it the tumor in your colon that is creating the bowel obstruction? Or, have you already had a resection? If not, it might be a good thing to have the surgery. In my case, I felt much better after I got the tumor out. Anyway, best of luck to you!

[seussfan]

I had emergency surgery on March 5th. The obstruction is apparently caused by adhesions. I am on day 3 in the hospital and will be having mor x-rays done in about 30 minutes to see if there is any improvement. If not they are talking about laproscopic surgery. This sucks!

[sean]

Crap seems to come by the bucketful sometimes and it sounds like you've gotten more than your fair share. I hope things get better for you soon. Please keep us posted.

[seussfan]

Since I have not eaten or had a drink since 12:05pm on Thursday, they are having a tough time with my veins and decided to use my mediport. DEAR GOD!!!!!! It hurt so bad I ended up screaming - which is no easy task when you have a tube shoved down your throat. Should it have hurt that badly? I thought the port would make it easier! Getting traditional IV started only feels like a pinch. This was unbearable pain! Is this how it will always be?

[northern lights]

Accessing my port the first couple of times was difficult and they usually had to poke 3-4 times. After that, it was a cinch. If your port is new, it might just be because the tissue is "traumatised". The port still moves around a bit, until the body "adopts" it.

Were your nurses used to accessing a port? Chemo nurses are the best, and my experience were other nurses and even doctors had no clue how to correctly use a port.

I think that being dehydrated, scared and stresses also make one more sensitive to everything.

Last year I thought that everything was so bad. Everytime I turned around something tramatic was happening. Whether it was my husband leaving, occuring 20K in damage in my house, being diagnosed with cancer, my dad dying, being investigate for harrasement from an irate ex-employee (all within 4 months)...it seemed like I could not cut a break. Just as I thought things couldn't get worse, something else was happening. I kept waiting for the next bad thing to happen. The good news is, it has all stopped. I am happy being single, my house is back to normal, there is NED for cancer and I was found innocent to the harassment. I am a stronger, more confident person, who is extremely happy to be alive. I have left the military and will be starting a new job on 1 May.

All of this to say don't lose hope. If He brings us to it, He will bring us through it. Keep your spirit up and keep fighting. You will be stronger than you ever imagined possible and once you are through this, you will know that you can handle anything. Take the time to live in the moment...but don't forget that this will not last forever. There is life after cancer.