The Colon Club

kbrown2b wrote:These are unbelievable... making me laugh... much needed, thanks..


While I was having my colonoscopy a couple of weeks ago.. i was freaking out anyway that the Dr. told me to roll on my left side and the nurse started injecting Versed through my IV.. as i rolled over the damn Dr. Said..."Nice tan line!!" Wtf??? Creeper!!! That was the last thing that i remember before i woke up... lol

Sheesh! That's just what you want to hear right as you are being put under! Creep!

Too many non-so-fun ones here and I'm sure we've all got a ton of stories, so I'm picking one that is funny. I was having my port put in and the nurse gave me the sedative. After about 10 minutes I told her that I wasn't feeling any effects. She said I would soon and she couldn't give me anything else for 30 mins. Dr comes in and I tell him same thing. It didn't register and he got to work. I've got a local so I don't feel any pain.

Dr: "Oh, that's not good!"
Me: "I sure hope you're not talking about me".
Dr: "Oh my God, you're still awake?!?!?"
Me: "Yeah, I tried to tell the nurse but she wouldn't listen. Back to that's not good. You want to elaborate?"

Turns out it was an announcement over the P.A., totally not related to me. I got to find out how an Asian doctor ended up with Goodman for a last name.

~Phuong~

SkiFletch wrote:Well this one is kind of funny, but one of my favorite quotes. My soon to be sister in law upon finding out I was having surgery asked me if I had more than one colon that you can live without, like kidneys .

Oh, my that one just really cracks me up. Was your brother around to hear? I can't imagine that comment.

Today experience:

Nurse: I am gonna start your iv..how are your viens ? Oh there is a good one.
me: um, i donn't know.
Nurse: do people have trouble w/ them?
me: some do, esp in hospital.
Nurse: OH, you must have valves..
(slapping my hand to see)
Nurse: OH Yes you have valves
If i can get it right here well be ok...
(pound, rub w/ alcholol pad, rub)
Me:... Ok..

My thoughts...seriously, just do your job and stick me already, don't give me the play by play ok....You are making me feel like you do this NEVER!

Oh, forgot this fun dialogue..

Nurse: why are you here?

Me : (in my mind, don't you have my chart that says RECTAL CANCER)?
but i say, i have had colon cancer, and this a followup

Nurse: Oh, when was that

Me : 2008

Nurse: Good, you are ok now right?

Me: I guess we will soon see...

The ok now parts almost wants me to go into spill it all mode, and say, Ok? well that is realative, NED, that is another word i can choose to use instead.

Here's a little FYI for you all. We were told a few years back to NOT slap the veins, it's not good for them (it use to be O.K.?) instead a warm pack, a blood pressure cuff.

Conversation with the busybody standing behind the admission person when I went for a virtual colonoscopy (too obstructed for normal one)

Me: I'm here to check-in for my virtual colonscopy.
Nosy one: we only do those on Wednesday
Me: well they scheduled me for Thursday and I did the prep yesterday so they better do it today.
Nosy one: did you pick up the prep last Saturday?
Me: I did the prep that I picked up from here does it matter what day I picked it up??

As if this conversation isn't already in the hole...
Nosy: you know your insurance company isn't going to pay for this
Me: you got the precertification for it
Nosy: yeah well we pre-certify as two CT but we bill it as something else.

My very wise husband dragged me away at this point...

Fortunately, I heard very few dumb remarks while going through chemo. There were always those who would have to tell you about their relative who died, but the best was from an ex friend. He was very concerned when I was going in for surgery, and wanted me to call him as soon as possible when it was over. I called, left a message on his answering machine, and told him how they found cancer. Never heard from him. About 3 months later, he appears at my business. In a loud voice he says "I wasn't sure if you'd still be alive!". I never talked to him after that.

Most people at the health club where I work out, don't know about my health history, and I certainly don't volunteer information. You would think if they saw me changing clothes and saw this foot long scar, they would have some clue that something was going on. One guy who was just turning 59 was telling me how with this economy he saw himself having to work forever. However, if he got cancer or heart disease, he knew it would be all over. Another guy at the health club was telling me that he and his wife were going to visit his brother in law, who was in the final stages of cancer. (I knew not to ask what kind.) He then proceeded to tell me that unless it's stage one, a person doesn't have a chance.

My wife was telling a friend about my diagnosis. The friend said she understands, her husband was dealing with a prostate infection.

I was at my girlfriends baby shower. After I leave her mother says Anita looks so good her cancer must not be to serious or her treatment to bad. my girlfriend couldnt contain herself and said stage 4 is pretty serious

A women from my kids school brings me a dinner I have never met her before she comes in and demands to know my prognosis in front of my 9 yr old.... I was in such shock I think I just ignored her and took the food..

the worst was a friend who,s own sister died of cancer so you would think she would know better .But she brings me a plant with her husband and says this guy at her husbands work had colon cancer and he was suppose to die and he is still alive 3 yrs later. AGAIN in front of my poor nine yr old .I just kept looking at her with pleading eyes to SHUT up. I couldnt even protect my kids in there own home. That one made me mad!! my poor son ran outside he had never even thought it could kill me we were just at the beginning of treatment to.
I know she was trying to give me hope and didnt even realize what she said. after those two events my sweet girlfriend played bouncer and was very selective in who I talked to .

just a quick bump beacuse I'll be returning to werk tomorrow (BOOO!) and I am looking forward to the weird things that will be said, be it my side of the counter or the other side.

Because I like shock value comments and making people uncomfortable, I have some plans in development. One thing is with respect to the lack of weight and hair loss. I didn't lose much hair during my treatment, not that I have a whole lot to lose to begin with. I did lose some weight, but there were a few folks at the job that were expecting something not unlike Nazi concentration camp victim (the idiots). So, since I have been out, i've lost some more weight, and there is going to be a lot of "you look great!" and "ooh, you've lost weight!" etc.

My goal is to say something not unlike "Well, i felt bad for not losing enough weight during treatment, so i thought I would catch up during my recovery". There is a little more behind this statement, especially with respect to the "I felt bad" part, but I won't bore you with the details of my workplace culture.

Throughout my treatment, it was my goal to belittle and mock my cancer diagnosis and saying outrageous things. Initially, I thought once I was post op, i'd be mocking my ostomy, but I have found that there is still quite a bit of material with respect to mocking the cancer, so i thought i'd run with that.

When I went for my first MRI, I was really nervous just because I wasn't sure what to expect.

The nurse was asking me questions, and she got to the part where she asks what I'm there for .. (which I never understand .. can't they see it on the chart? lol) So I tell her that they found a tumor in my colon, and the MRI was to ensure there was nothing else anywhere.

"Oh," she says "You are so young. Hopefully it is not cancer."

"Yes, actually it is."

"Such a shame." She says. "Ah well, medicine does wonders nowadays. Let's just hope you aren't too far gone."



Too ... far ... gone?

Ah, yeah. Let's hope.

Geez, I swear some of these nurses need a muzzle. lol

So my dear hubby walks up to me the other day and with a look of total surprise says to me, "Did you know that we went thru a whole roll of toilet paper today??"

I honestly wonder where the hell he's been in these past two years.......

Aha! Great thread.

I've got some, and I've only been diagnosed about 11 days ago!

I'll have to first explain that my wife has been balding for years...her hair is very thin...makes no diff to me as she's talked to her doctors and it's an understood condition.

Anyway, she took my news hard. That's why I about fell out of my chair when after she heard that I'd be in chemo she said:

"Hey hun, you might go bald before I do!"

That was a great sign she was mentally healing.

---
Then after the visit to the surgeon, my wife looks at me and with a twisted grin says:
"You won't be needing that travel wipe-out CRC toilet paper we just ordered!" - ROTFL! Honestly we are ignorant of how that works, but true or not, it was much needed comic relief.