I'm very sorry

[johnmeissner]

To everyone here at colon club:

I am so very sorry for what has been going on here on the group, in which I was a central figure. Whatever reason I thought I had at the time to fire back on nebtans and bossan was no excuse for having done so. I was very wrong and I hope gthey and you can forgive me.

I have been very sick lately. While I am not the healthiest person I know, I rarely get sick. But this time, I have been hit pretty hard. Hard enough in fact, that I have had to drive myself to the last three road games for my hockey team instead of riding the team bus, so I won't get anyone sick. It racked up my voice really bad too, which made Friday's game an adventure and Sunday's game an absolute disaster, from an announcing standpoint. It's anyone's guess how I'll sound tonight. And I feel bad enough now that, combined with some lousy weather, my wife would prefer I stay somewhere tonight and nor try to make the nearly five hour drive home.

Now, combine all that with today's news about White House Press Secretary Tony Snow's colon cancer returning and the twinges and tweaks I have been feeling lately and quite frankly, I am as scared as anytime in my entire life.

Perhaps all this has clouded my judgement. Even if it has, I still don't find it to be an acceptable excuse for my behavior here. Once again, I ask not only your forgiveness, but your acceptance of my membership here at colon club. I could not bare having to leave. Please forgive me.

[missjv]

HI JOHN,
THERE WERE A FEW OF US WHO GOT MAD AT NEBTAN AND MADE COMMENTS I WAS ONE OF THEM HE JUST MADE ME ANGRY. I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU AS A STAGE 4 PERSON I WAS NEVER OFFENDED BY YOUR SIGNATURE AND I AM VERY GLAD YOU CAUGHT YOUR CANCER EARLY ENOUGH TO CURE IT I AM HAPPY FOR ANYONE WHO CAN BEAT THIS HORRIBLE NASTY CANCER AND I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR SIGNATURE IT IS SOMETHING TO BE VERY PROUD OF. AS FAR AS TONY SNOW IT IS SAD HE HAD RECURRANCE BUT HOPEFULLY HE CAN HAVE HIS LIVER METS SURGICALLY REMOVED WHICH CAN LEAD TO LONGER TERM SURVIVAL. I HOPE YOU GET OVER YOUR SICKNESS SOON SOUNDS LIKE A NASTY CASE OF THE FLU BUG.

MISSJV

[bossan]

John, put it behind you. Its big of you to apologize but we are all on the same journey and have our moments as well. I certainly have.

Love to you my brotha! Try to laugh, love and live. If you need support, I can send jokes or Selma Hyack pictures as needed

[Molly]

Thanks you guys!

[northern lights]

John,

I have always enjoyed reading your posts and particularly loved your positive attitude during your diagnosis and surgery. I didn't read the replies that you are apologizing for, but I am concerned that your post has such a sad undertone to it. I hope it is just your flu getting to you. You have fought against the disease and won. Do not let it take any more of your days.

I was having a discussion about loss with a good friend who is a doctor. We were talking about all the things I felt I lost during the past year. He brought up the fact that I had lost my "niaivity to mortality". Whether someone is diagnosed with stage 1 or or stage IV, it is all very scary. Noone has that crystal ball to help us know which decisions to make. There are the days we celebrate being alive and winning against an awful disease and there are days where we wonder what all of this was really meant to teach us.



I hope that you feel better soon, so that you can continue celebrating one of the most important victories of your life.