Stephen

[cindyz]

I am typing through tears as I send you all the utterly sad message that Stephen passed away yesterday. I thought it was the thing to do, to tell you all as soon as I could. You've been so helpful and supportive. He died at home, where he wanted to be. I never left his side, and during the last 30 minutes or so his mom and dad also held his hands. I've never experienced anything like this.

I don't feel at times that I can breathe. Everything seems so surreal. There is a physical weight pressed against my chest and I just wander aimlessly around. I know counseling is a good thing, but it won't bring him back. Nothing will. And that's all that can make this better.

Our children were here. Our 13-year old Rainey was by his and my side pretty much throughout everything. She wanted to be here. Our 10 year old Reide didn't want to be around him as he was dying, so she kept her distance outside. We had plenty of friends and family around for her. Since then, they've both been painting nonstop, and we've been talking a lot.

I'm not sure what to do. I keep looking for him, looking for signs, looking not only to hear his voice but to make sure his voice is coming from him, not me. I am so utterly and intensely distraught. I miss my Stephen. I miss him.

[jobasar]

Cindyz,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your kids to find some peace. I know you have been through a lot and so sorry to hear the sad news. I just wanted you to know that I have been reading and following your journey with Stephen. So sad and I'm glad he's not in pain anymore. Thoughts and prayers are coming your way.

Allie

[Gaelen]

Cindy - there are no words right now that will help you understand that time will keep moving, and that at some point, you will realize that you are moving forward in time. But when you hit that place, you will realize that you are living, and that continuing to live is the best tribute you can give to the love you shared with Stephen.

My condolences to your family, and my strongest thoughts to you and to your girls.

[dianetavegia]

OH Cindy, I am so very sorry to hear this news. This just breaks my heart. I hope you don't mind if I pray for you, the children and all those who loved Stephen so very much. Cindy, please KNOW that you fought hard and did all you could for Stephen during his illness and showed great love for your precious husband. We were all touched by your openness and willingness to share this battle with us.

God bring you comfort during this time,
Diane

[veronica1919]

Im deeply sorry.



Veronica
stage IV 9/26/09

[joeyooser]

Cindy, so sorry to hear of this. You guys really didn't catch much of a break throughout this whole trial. So many of us have been thinking of and praying for you. Thank you for letting us know.

[cgen521]

I am so sorry for your loss. May Stephen rest in peace.

[ams5796]

I am so sorry, Cindy. You and your family are in my prayers. Take comfort in the fact that you were an amazing wife.

[Joanne 814]

So Sorry CindyZ. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. May you have comfort knowing he was where he wanted to be.

ONWARD!

Joanne

[weisssoccermom]

Cindy,

I, too, am so sorry to hear of Stephen's passing but I am glad that he was able to be at home surrounded by his family and at a place where he wanted to be. There is nothing that can be said or done right now that will make any of this any better - nothing right now that will make any sense. From the way you've described your relationship with Stephen, he would want you and your children to realize that you will be able to carry on, that as Gaelen said, time continues to move forward and that you all have lives to life. That certainly doesn't mean that you don't miss him or that you don't wish he was there with you right now. But, I'm pretty certain Cindy, that you also wouldn't have wanted Stephen to suffer anymore and that the life he was living wasn't the life that either of you envisioned. I'm so glad that his parents were able to be there as well.

I truly can't imagine how difficult this is for you, but you do have two wonderful girls who also are grieving and who desperately need their mom. I'm sure Stephen would want you to make sure that you're there for your daughters and that the three of you can help and support each other through the difficult days ahead.

My prayers and thoughts are with you, your girls and Stephen's family. Please, Cindy, let us know if there is anything any one of us can do for you.

Jaynee

[luciag]

Cindy.

I am so very sorry to hear the news of Stephen's death. There are no words to offer other than I am so sorry! Peace and blessings to you and your entire family.

[blakeswife]

((((Cindy))))

There are no words right now that would adequetely express how sorry I am for your loss. All I can say is that I hope you find comfort somehow, somewhere. If that's posting on this board, I hope that's what you continue to do. Because as you said, for the most part, "we get it." You have a great ability to express yourself and I believe your experience and knowledge will be helpful to many in the future.

It's funny; when someone passes, you get a few seconds to grieve and then things turn into business. I'm sure that's what you're doing now; making funeral plans, paper work, etc. I wish you strength, peace & happiness in the love of family and in the warm embrace of friends - even "cyber" friends.

Take care my friend,

Kathy

[NWgirl]

Cindy - I am so, so sorry for your loss. One minute at a time - one hour - one day. You have been through so much. Sending you warm thoughts and healing prayers.

[girlnextdoor]

Oh Cindy,

I have felt so utterly close to you as Stephen and my husband were on similar paths a couple of weeks ago. When their paths diverged, I no longer felt I could offer you anything but solace as you were entering unknown territory to me. Your postings have been so honest and I thank you for making this part of your life available to us.

Of course, I hope you and your girls will find peace.

Fondly,

Lisa

[clarabelle64]

Dear Cindy
How sad you sound, I am so so sorry to read of your darling Stephen's passing. I have no words of comfort to offer you except please remember we are here and share your grief, lean on us when you need support. Thoughts and prayers to uphold you in your time of sadness.
Clarabelle