Frustrated? Mad? Depressed? This story may help...

[cindy31]

I have Stage IV CC at age 31, diagnosed 2/10/07 and soon to be married on May 5. I get frustrated, mad, depressed, etc. at times but I think about something that happened 6 years ago to help get me through the slumps...

6 years ago, my mom suffered horribly from lung cancer and died 5 months after her diagnosis. I hated cancer with a vengeance while she was sick with cancer. There were many days of suffering, but there were good days where we were able to have weekly get togethers with family at our place, we were able to lay in bed together watching her favorite animal shows, we were able to fall asleep by her side, we were able to take her to the aquarium, and we were able to let her know how much we loved her and what a wonderful mother she was to all nine of her children. We were able to let her know that it was okay to go and that we would all be there for each other and that we would be okay. She was an amazing woman who fought her cancer with so much strength. Things were bad and painful at times, but I know she appreciated the time she had with her family and I know how much we valued the time we had with her during her last 5 months.

I didn't realize all this until I was driving home to be with my mom one night, when I witnessed a white sheet being placed over the body of someone who didn't make it in a very bad car accident. That horrible sight made me realize how fortunate my mother and I was to have had the time to be with each other. That poor soul who lost his/her (couldn't tell the sex) life never had a chance to say goodbye, or hear what every loved one wanted him/her to hear before passing.

I am still very hopeful, especially through this sight (a lot of it is b/c of you, missjv-you're amazingly knowledgeable) that the stats are wrong, I have a better chance than my onc's prognosis. But when I'm down, I think back to that night of the accident and I am thankful to have this opportunity to live life so differently, through such different eyes. My family, friends, and I have this time whether it be 6 months, 2 years, 20years, or 80 years. Our time together is different, its so much more treasured and I'll take it even if I know its b/c of my cancer. They are all so wonderful and I'm fortunate to be surrounded by such caring people.

I hope this helps some of you out there as it has helped me.
Cindy
supportcindy.org

[NICK THE BRIT]

Cindy,

My sentiments entirely. Cherish every moment, its probably something that most of us certainly me anyway wouldnt of done prior to being diagnosed.

Nick

[missjv]

HI CINDY,
YOUR RIGHT WE HAVE TO BE THANKFUL FOR THE TIME WE CAN SPEND WITH OUR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS WHETHER IT BE 2 MONTHS OR 80 YEARS! I HAD A FRIEND KILLED IN AN ACCIDENT JUST A COUPLE OF MILES FROM HOME ON HER WAY TO WORK SOMEONE RAN A RED LIGHT BEING IN A HURRY AND T BONED HER SHE NEVER KNEW WHAT HIT HER AND HER HUSBAND STILL TO THIS DAY SAYS THERE ARE THINGS HE WISH HE WOULD HAVE SAID WHEN SHE LEFT THAT MORNING THEY WERE ALL RUNNING LATE AND LEFT HOME IN A RUSH AND DIDN'T SAY SEE YA LATER OR ANYTHING AND THATS SOMETHING THAT WILL BE WITH HIM FOREVER AND AS FOR ME SHE LEFT ME A MESSAGE 2 NIGHTS BEFORE AND I DIDN'T RETURN THE CALL NOW I WISH I DID BUT HOW DO WE KNOW THESE THINGS? AT LEAST WITH SOMEONE WHO IS ILL LIKE YOUR MOTHER YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COMING AND YOU GOT TO SPEND THE TIME AND SAY THE WORDS YOU NEEDED TO SAY. WE ARE ALL HERE ON BORROWED TIME AND WHEN IT IS UP WELL IT IS UP. I HAVE NEVER BEEN A TALKER ANYWAYS BUT NOW I MAKE SURE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS GET MORE CALLS FROM ME CAUSE WE NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. THAT IS WHAT I SAID TO MY 1ST VERY NEGATIVE NASTY ONCO WHO TOLD ME I WOULD BE DEAD IN 2 YEARS I SAID HOW DO YOU KNOW? I COULD GET RUN OVER BY A BIG TRUCK NEXT WEEK SO HOW CAN YOU STAND THERE AND TELL ME I WILL DIE FROM THIS CANCER IN EXACTLY 2 YEARS BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID STATISTICS THAT ARE OUT DATED. I DO NOT HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON MY FOREHEAD THAT SAYS 2 YEARS LEFT AND EITHER DO ANY OF THE REST OF US. WELL KEEP YOUR CHIN UP YOU HAVE ALOT TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

MISSJV

[Edward]

Hi Cindy,

I went from simple pain to surgery in days. With that I was a public person who disappeared for about a month until I was able to drive again. The first thing I felt was anger, due to all the 30 somethings I knew that weren't sick and live worse lifestyles.

Once I got over that, it was great to find out how much people actually cared about you. Not everyone gets a chance to see that whether they the pass on at birth or live until 100.

[Ivanaplay2]

About three years ago, a good friend and former co-worker of my wife started calling up to chat, sometimes, literally, for hours. She had moved about 75 miles from our local area, and her excuse was that she had excess time on her cell phone plan which she had to 'use it or lose it'. It was nice the first few times, but then sort of got to be a nuisance, and my wife would ask me to tell a little white lie and say she wasn't home when Fran called. No problem, Fran would natter away at me for an hour about her kids, her husband, her job, her social life, her mother, her ... This went on for about 6 months. Prior to that, Fran called maybe once a year, talked for half an hour to 'catch up', and that would be it.

Then one day, Fran's husband called. Fran was dead, at age 46, from a brain tumor. She had what she thought was the flu, with a terrible headache. She sent her youngest off to high school that morning and said she was going to lay down and rest. She never woke up. Very sad story.

Up until this happened, I had a somewhat contentious relationship with one of my daughters. In her mid-20's, she is still directionless, working for several months each in successive dead-end jobs before getting tired of the job, mouthing off to her supervisor and then quitting. She was, and still is, forever broke and hitting up her mom for a 'loan' to pay her rent or fix her car or buy groceries. There were times when I wouldn't speak to her for 2 or 3 months running. After Fran's sudden passing, I realized that either I or my daughter could die at any time, from any cause (this was before my colon cancer diagnosis). I resolved to change things a bit, and now whenever I talk with any family member, my parents, my children, my in-laws who are my second set of parents, I always end the conversation with "I love you". It probably sounds hokey coming from a 54 year old man, but I say it because I mean it. I couold not forgive myself if someone in my family were to die suddenly, unexpectedly, and my last conversation with them had ended in a fight.

You just never know.

[MissKim]

Cindy31,

Yes, I am angry, frustrated, and scared to say the least. But your point is well taken. I have been blessed by so many acts of kindness and so many thoughtful, wonderful, loving people are in my life. I do gain alot of strength from the outpouring of love and concern from those around me. The acts of kindness and love that I have been shown are too numerous to name.

I do feel lucky to know how many people care and love me and my family. We do not leave things unsaid. I am so appreciative of all my family and friends who have rallied behind me. It is with much love and gratitude that I think of all these people who have been there for me.

I also thank the colon club members for rallying behind me when I have my "hard" days. Thank-you to all of you. You're responses to me have been such a blessing to read.

Miss Kim

[pjpeace]

That is a great point of view. I've made a pact with myself and now a promise to my cousin to tell people how much i love them. ya see my cousin had feelings for this guy and she was waiting till he got a bit more mature to tell him. well he ended up killing himself the other week. so now she is left with a life time of regrets and what could have beens. she really reminded me that it's better to be brave and tell that person how you really feel...no matter how freaking terrified you maybe of the answer...but life's too short not to know what could be. and i can't live with regrets.

even before cancer i embraced every moment...but now even more so. the lessons learned from this are numerous and the people i've had a chance to get to know are amazing. maybe in a way we are the lucky ones (think that was in lance's book). we do get the chance to say good bye. we've come to terms with our own mortality and start telling the ones we love how we really feel.