I have never deleted an entire topic before...

[Molly]

...and hope never to have to again. This is a place for all of, old or young, black, white or green, stage I-IV. We do not discriminate here. That said, don't make me pull out a can of whoop-ass.

[missjv]

hi,
wow the whole thread is gone! i don't think anyone meant to offend anyone else. your right it is for all of us no matter what color, age, male female or stage of cancer we are all here for support from each other. im always happy to read the posts of the people who have been in remission for along time to me being stage 4 and currently ned it helps me mentally to know it can be done. for folks like john who caught it early im happy to read their stories as well and i seriously do not think john was gloating to the rest of us, he was offering words of encouragment. not everyone can beat this disease but we can all try like hell.

missjv

[Hannah]

Thanks Molly.

I want to start by saying that we try so very hard to maintain a Colon Talk message board where people can come for information and support. What we think about is "what if it was your first day on the board and this is what you read?" So that is the reason for deleting that particular thread - ultimately we figured that if it was someone's first day on the board, that is not what any of us here would want them to see.

That is the most important thing I wanted to say, but I also want to say some other things that I think are worth reading (at least until your eyes get too tired to finish!).

To reiterate some of the things that Molly already said, we VERY much appreciate the help and suggestions with the board. To throw in my personal two cents about it, I also think the board can be somewhat hard to navigate at times, but then I look at other places and think that it would be harder to have a lot of topics, and yet again I think it might also be more helpful to have it that way if someone is looking for something specific. So I guess I'm saying I don't really know either! Anyway, regardless of what ends up happening it is truly great for us to have input into how things are working, and even better when that is accompanied by a genuine offer to help.

The way I took it (and I know that I speak for Molly on this too) we thought that the message board questions/suggestions were being helpful to us. As most of you may already know, The Colon Club "staff" is just Molly and me. Sometimes people ask, "How do I join The Colon Club?" and we say, "Well if you want to join us then you already have. If you are here then you are already a part of The Colon Club." So although to us The Colon Club includes everybody here, we are the only full-timers and we can use all the help we can get!

Changing the format of the board is something that we have actually talked about and considered fairly often. We appreciate not only the offers of help but also everyone's replies about how you all use the message board because it really helps us. When Molly's husband first put up this board, we weren't sure what would happen, how it would be best organized, etc. We revisit that fairly often so that we can make sure that we are doing the best that we can - and we definitely aren't offended when someone makes a suggestion or asks a question.

This is much more than a community to us, and I think most of us really do consider this an extended family of sorts. Maybe that sounds cliched or hokey or something, but oh well. I laugh and cry as I read your stories and the things that everyone is facing. Sometimes I laugh so hard that I have to go to the bathroom so I don't pee my pants, and sometimes I cry so hard that I can't see the screen of my computer. I find it strange that I don't know what most of you look like, because I feel that we actually know each other. So many of us say things here that we wouldn't say to anyone else.

But like with anyone you know and love, and in any family, there are bound to be tough times (another hokey saying but also true) and you don't just cut bait and run when that happens. Every single one of us is upset, exhausted, very emotional and yes, sometimes a little bit testy from dealing with everything we deal with on a daily basis. Obviously every once in a while that is going to come out the wrong way, in a way that someone did not intend for it to. I truly don't believe that anyone here means to be offensive or to hurt anyone else.

As I read the posts from the deleted thread (again, thanks Molly for deleting it), I couldn't for the life of me figure out what happened, how this got so out of control, and why. I just tried to chalk it up to the stress of people living with this crappy thing called colorectal cancer.

At the same time, it's really not okay with us to attack others on the board - whether it is for suggestions they have made, things they have said, the way they have said it, etc. You may find something offensive that someone else actually finds encouraging. You may find something completely useless that ends up saving someone else's life. You may find something silly that strikes a deep chord within someone else and lifts them up. You might read something today that you find offensive and next week you just don't seem to care as much. Or like Molly said so well, you might hate hearing something now that you end up saying to someone else later!

I really think that all of this is the nature of a message board, and I always try to just take it all in stride. If I am ever offended, I take a deep breath and try hard to see it from the other person's point of view. Was that person trying to be encouraging, even if that's not the way you took it? I especially think that is the case when people say things like "it will be okay" or "you can beat this" - it is easy for me to be encouraged by that and say h*ll yeah, let's kick some cancer butt! But not so easy for someone who is facing advanced disease, or some days it might be just what someone needs to hear.

Whether you are religious or not, I figure the "golden rule" is still a great guideline - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The problem is that what you would want is not the same for everyone. Just because that is what I might want to hear doesn't mean that somebody else does. Now I feel like it sounds like I'm trying to preach in some way, which I'm really not so I'm going to stop that.

I just know that I don't always say things the way that I mean to, and I usually end up stressing about it afterwards, especially if it causes some kind of broo-ha-ha. That's when I try to remember that sometimes I have to cut someone a little bit of slack - and sometimes I have to cut myself a little bit of slack too. I try to shrug my shoulders, forgive any hurt, and learn to move on because life is just too short. Yet another cliche, but a good one I think.

And again, don't make us get out the whoop-ass. We have it and we know how to use it!

Hannah

[janb]

Hannah,
You don't have to explain yourself to others about the Colon Club. Your extended family has grown and all us members are very content. If you had 100 new posts a day, changing the format might be a good thing but on a daily basis, most members browse through, add our 5 cents in or just read. We know how to research former topics and are quite versed within the forum. You and Molly rock and I thank you for all you do for others.
Jan

[eitter]

I guess I missed all the excitement?! I have not been reading as much since I have been out of town, today is the first time in a week I think. I guess I am glad I missed it?!

[MissKim]

Liz,

I think that I missed the "thread of conversation" that was deleted as well. I can only guess at what was said.

Miss Kim