Justsing's voice

[jdepp]

Without Justsing's accompaniment, I, like many of us, would never have learned the song and dance of cancer.

I find myself thinking of her words and wanting to repeat them, share them, remember them, and somehow perform them with all of you.

So here, in the theater of the internet, is Mary Catherine Dykhouse, aka Justsing, in her own words:

...on being diagnosed with cancer (sent to me shortly after I had been diagnosed):

When I was first diagnosed, I didn't sleep for a month. I was up all night on the internet. I was frantically trying to finish a semester before my resection surgery, writing and grading exams, you know the drill. I was sure that I had 14 months to live and that those 14 months were going to be filled with tests and procedures and illness and general misery and that nothing about my life was ever, ever, ever going to be the same.

Well, I was right about the last bit.

But I have to say that my life since my diagnosis has not completely sucked. It's been almost a year, and, right this minute I feel absolutely great. And I've had lots, and lots and lots of days and weeks of feeling completely great. Maybe it's my theatre training that has afforded me an extraordinary ability to compartmentalize, but I really can keep this on the back burner most of the time. It's sort of like the pain from childbirth. You somehow manage to forget it enough to be willing to undergo it again!

You are still in the valley. You are still trying to deal with the enormity of it all. But you have to cut that out, and soon. It is just too large for mere mortals to absorb. I promise you that you it will become more comprehensible as you make each small decision. Make the decision, and don't look back. Behind you there be dragons, and if you look too far ahead of you there be more dragons. WAY more dragons.

So don't go there.

...on life as a stage iv:

Well, as a Stage IV, you sort of have to have a "come to Jesus" with yourself on a regular basis and remind yourself that you can't forget to actually LIVE your life while you're healthy enough to do it.

...on scanxiety:

Try to do some really concrete stuff with your day. Hang lights, bake cookies, take goofy family photos for the Xmas cards that won't get sent until April. Oxi will probably make sledding a bad option . . . bowling?

...on dealing with chemotherapy:

Do not settle for just getting by. We have but one life to live. Cede as few days of it to this process as possible.

...on cancer and nutrition:

Nitrates shmitrates. I know that I don't FEEL well when I eat that stuff too often. So I don't. Ditto trans fats. Not feeling well from eating something does not add to my quality of life. But eating broccoli causes me gastric distress, so you bet your bippy I'm not eating that either, no matter how much my husband encourages me to eat my veggies! ... Me, well miracles happen, but the miracle will have to find me at Starbucks -- saying YES to the whipped cream.

...on time spent researching one's disease:

Nature abhors a vacuum, and researching cancer is the mother of all vacuums. It will suck you dry if you let it continue...

...on the need for meds to boost one's psyche:

I haven't needed any long term psych drugs, but I do take long hard looks at the Ativan bottle every once in a while! I spend much of my life in a manic state and when they offered me some "mood elevating" meds, both my husband and I simultaneously chimed in 'NO!'

...on getting results from labs, scans, & tests in advance of appointments:

...ask to fill out whatever permission paperwork they need to do in order for them to email you with medical information. This business of walking in blind to doc appointments is a load of crap. I'm a grown-up, thank you very much, and don't need to have my hand held. And I will be much better prepared to receive concrete information if I'm not processing the PRESENCE of the elephant in the room at the same time as I'm figuring out how to get him the hell out the door.

...on getting college credit for chemotherapy:

I would totally sign off on at least 6 experiential learning credits for you if you were my advisee.

...on liver resection

That surgery completely knocked me down. And I'm the original Weeble!

...on being a professor with cancer:

I'm a professor... and continuing to teach has been a complete lifeline for me. There is something incredibly restorative in [students'] youth and need to be in the moment, and their essential selfishness that I have found enables me to live outside of my illness.

...on life with cancer:

It will probably take my life, but I'm not going to hand it over in advance.

Ultimately, we all face this alone, but hopefully not unaccompanied.

[Kathleen808]

Thank you for sharing Justsing's words. What an amazing woman.

Aloha,
Kathleen

[Joanne 814]

Thanks for sharing!

ONWARD!

Joanne

[garbovatwin]

One of the first posts she sent my way.

justsing wrote:So I'm a little unclear as to why you are worrying about chemo at this point? Don't borrow trouble!!!!

[SkiFletch]

What an amazing ability to meld wisdom, logic, and humor all into one sentance. We'll miss her greatly.

[NWgirl]

Thank you for gathering so much of her wisdom into one place. They say cancer doesn't come with a handbook - that's the closest to one I've ever seen. I'm really going to miss her.

[KellyBelle]

Somewhere on here there's a thread or a post in which she listed the benefits of having Stave IV cancer. I remember one of them was "not having to worry about living on a fixed income". I always liked that... she lived for today.

Kelly

[Hope]

Thank you for gathering all those posts--true words of wisdom--wisdom to me is like the most beautiful song. Her words spoke to every twist my mind has taken in the past few weeks. Thank you all who replied. We do go this journey alone in an earthly sense but not spiritually and not unaccompanied.
Grace and peace to all of you
Hope

[weisssoccermom]

I couldn't find it but in the back of my mind, I'm positive I remember one of her posts about buying a new car and driving it off the lot. The humor about the situation just has stuck with me and brings a smile to my face when I think about her saying it. She was a HOOT!

[Lee]

What a wonderful individual she was, she had a ways with words. She and BradyR are two individuals I will truly miss.

Rest on peace Justsing, your work here done, the angels will be singing beautifully under your guidence.

Lee

[Annb]

Here is that post about the car:


I just did something completely life affirming and it feels great! I just drove a brand new car off a lot. And I FINANCED it. 5 years. Yup. I did.
And I plan to be around to make every single payment!

It's my mid-life crisis scooter car. A Honda Fit in "Blue Sensation."

Can't wait to drive my new toy to chemo tomorrow!

[Candyys03]

Thank You all for sharing!
Candy

[karin]

Her words just ring true and hopeful and helpful to soooo many of our situations....I just loved her posts and I will surely miss that!!! Thank you for bringing them together in one place.....and thankfully we can go back and look at her wisdom, humor, and insight from time to time to meet our needs....a true loss to the world and to this Board....JustSing, we love you and we know you are still singing!!
Karin

[Surroundedbylove]

Thank you so much for posting these all in one place. Justsing will continue to be an inspiration to all of us on this board and having a quick place to hear/see her words of wisdom is particularly nice.

SBL

[azahar]

A very nice tribute, jdepp.