Persuading my sister to get a colonoscopy. What can I do?

[luckieme]

Hi,

I'm new to this sight and find it very, very helpful. I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in August of 2005. I've been through the "ringer" but feel good. I've had surgery to remove the tumor in the colon, radiation, and chemo which I am currently undergoing. I have mets to the liver and lungs and just turned 49 years old.

I have a twin sister who is identical and lives out of state. We talk at least 3 times a day. Although I am the first in the family to develop colon cancer, we do have a history of polyps. I have talked to my sister about how important it is to have a colonoscopy. I have emphasized how curable it is in the early stages. She says that she will get one but as of today, nothing has happened. She shows no signs of the disease but as we all know, that doesn't matter. Any suggestions as to how I can really encourage her to get one? I've talked to her till I'm blue in the face and she promises that she will but she doesn't. I honestly believe that she is just scared. I know I was. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much,

Lisa

[Ivanaplay2]

Hi LuckieMe,

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make her drink." You can beg, plead, cajole, weep, shout, jump up and down, shake, rattle, and roll but the decision is ultimately up to your sister to take some action. She is certainly aware of what you have been and are going through, and yet she finds excuses not to go for a simple colonoscopy. Trying to be reasonable and pointing out the absurdity of avoiding this simple procedure in order to avoid some slight degree of embarrassment would be my choice of weapons. Point out that polyps can be removed during the scope, and delaying it for any reason only increases the odds that more involved steps are the outcome IF ANY POLYPS ARE EVEN DISCOVERED! Tell her that delaying too long can be a self-imposed death sentence. Then ask her if she wants her obituary to read: "She died because she was too stubborn to get a colonoscopy."

[Monique]

I threatened my 45 year old sister that I would sic my Mom on her if my sister didn't make an appointment for a colonoscopy. When this didn't work I threatened to phone my sister's doctor and arrange her appointment myself. I was serious. In the end, seven months of threats, martyrish behaviour and relentless nagging seemed to do the trick.

Monique

[RobinS]

Hi LuckieMe,
I have a twin brother and two older siblings. Our father and grandfather had polyps so I got checked at age 45 when I had some bleeding. I'm stage3 and it had just gotten into one lymph node, and I have now finished 7 out of 12 chemos. My older sister (54) got her first colonoscopy after I found out (she had diverticulitus, but no polyps), my older brother (56) got his second check and he was clean, and my twin got checked and was also clean. It is correct that you can talk till you are blue in the face, but it is up to your sister. I like the advice you were given about telling her how her funeral stone might read. You really should pass that on to her.

Robin

[luckieme]

Thank you all for the tips. Each and every one of them are great. I especially like the one about the obit. That might work. You would think that after seeing what I have gone through that she wouldn't hesitate to get checked. I've even pointed out to her that I am the perfect example as to what can happen if you put something off because you think you can fix it at home or you think "maybe it'll go away" on its own. Go with your gut feeling. If you think something is wrong, you're probably right.....

She is scared and rightfully so. So am I. Perhaps I'll turn her on to this websight? That might work....

Lisa

[janb]

The only thing you need to do is send her this link. Maybe after reading just one page of posts she'll get the message.

[missingmom]

I would ask her to come and visit you when you have chemo. Have her sit there with you while you endure the toxins being flushed into your body and then ask her... Do you want this?
That is a pretty powerful motivator. I know watching my mom battle CRC had me in my Gastro's office at 30 having my first colonoscopy.
Erica

[missjv]

hi,
im in the same boat except with my younger chain smoking, junk food eating brother who has been to chemo with me, was there with me during colon and liver resection and still has not gone to get checked he is 33 i was diagnosed stage 4 at 39. my other brother went right away and they found 4 polyps all non cancerous but his doc said with a sister who had it more then likely down the road those polyps would be cancer and he is 37 years old and lives in another state and has not witnessed me hooked up to chemo he was just plain scared. i try to explain a colonoscopy is not big deal your asleep when it is done it takes only minutes to do and your up and out of there in no time. im still bugging him everyday and will continue to be a pain in his ass cause he is at greater risk cause he is a smoker and visits fast food chains alot for his meals so he is a prime candidate for this crap and we have colon cancer in our family tree. he said he has no symptoms of anything wrong and i said look at me i had no symptoms i just had colonoscopy cause i was soon to be 40 and my doc at the time of a physical said go ahead and do it it can't hurt i am so glad i did but i did after blowing off at least 4 appointments over a few month period of time. well keep on your sister i will keep on my brother thats all we can do short of beating them over the head, tying them up and dragging them to docs office.


missjv

[lamerex4]

Maybe there's a better approach than scaring your twin sister; she is probably scared sh#*less already! Letting her know how awful your life would be without her in it might be a better approach. Acknowledge her relunctance and fear; encourage her. Also tell her that not everyone is a Stage III or IV; I am a Stage 1. Everyone will agree that the sooner it's diagnosed the better. Good luck.

[janb]

As stated more than once above, you can lead a horse to water. In 2005 a co-worker went to Israel to see her daughter graduate from medical school. This co-workers mother died at the age of 39 from colon cancer. She has always been very pro-active in getting screened. However, her daughter (the recently graduated medical doctor) refuses to get a colonoscopy. She now practices in the states and I worry about her. I've emailed her begging to get screened and as far as I know, that still hasn't happened. I even sent her the video I made (second one down on website afterlife page) hoping to send the message. So the question is......what does it take? I'm not sure there's a clear cut answer and many people (Tim)- Molly-etc.) are doing something about it to spread the word in any way any fashion. Keep trying, maybe she'll get sick of you pestering her. Maybe in the end she won't leave you alone for pushing her to get it done.

[PGLGreg]

I talked my wife into having one -- not easy. I brought it up several times over a span of several weeks, finally offering to make an appointment for her two months or so in advance. She didn't say definitely no, so I made the appointment. Time passed. Whenever she thought about it, she said she was going to cancel. I didn't argue with her. But she kept putting off canceling. In the end (so to speak), she did have the colonoscopy and was polyp-clear.

[pjpeace]

Reassure your sister it does not hurt...prep sux but let her know it doesn't hurt and she won't feel a thing and most likely not remember a thing.

I made my entire family get checked out...glad i did because at 40 my sister had one polyp removed...i only had one polyp that turned into one honkin' tumor (found it at 30 so must've been much younger to have that polyp). i can't imagine life without my sister...i was threatening to make her appointment for her!!!