PERSONALITY CHANGE

[delue]

My husband's personality has changed since he has chemo. The first round I noticed it. Now he's on his second round of chemo and he's back to being grumpy. I know he feels like crap, but I started wondering if the chemo can actually change someone's attitude.

[NWgirl]

Perhaps you could elaborate a bit more. Do you mean to say he is grumpy while/when he's on chemo? Well....most people feel like crap to one extent or another while on chemo, and I know when I am physically ill, I'm not the most pleasant person to be around. That old saying "we always hurt the ones we love" comes to mind as well - unfortunately my husband bears the brunt of more than his fair share of grumpiness (from me) when I don't feel well. Sounds like this might be a good time to find a local therapist - I'm sure your husbands cancer center could recommend some. I don't know that the CHEMO in and of itself changes the person - more like the emotional trauma of going through cancer combined with feeling so physically ill from the treatment. I'm sure others can explain this better than I can.

[Bev G]

hello:

Well, I'm sitting here on day 4 of round three feeling like I've been run over with a steamroller. Nausea is about 9/10, despite zofran, ativan, saltines, etc, etc. Lomotil for diarrhea which is coming and going (not like round 1) and I would say that chemo has definitely changed my personality, but just for today (probably yesterday I wasn't too peachy, and yes, most likely for tomorrow). Then I think I'll feel better. Daughter and grandaughter are coming for a visit from CT on Tuesday, and even if I don't feel better, I'll feel better, if you know what I mean. I'm kind of kidding, but no, I don't think chemo changes one's personality, underneath my grumpiness today, I still am hopeful, optimistic and in a weird way looking forward to getting this tumor out of my liver. This round of chemo is kicking my ass, as did round 1, round 2, not so bad, but I know in a few days it will start becoming a distant memory. Your beloved spouse will be back to you soon, I bet. No nice way of putting it, chemo sucks.

Hugs to you for your loving patience,

Bev

[papajedi]

Ditto Bev, I hated chemo !!

[karin]

delue,

I think I know what you mean.....I think it changes one's personality, to have this disease, and especially, to go thru the treatment. I am sure, when you feel like crap 10 out of 14 days, then just when you feel a little bit better, it starts all over again, it has a way of changing you....your outlook, your understanding of life, etc. I know it has changed my attitude to have someone this close to me face this, because, now I realize, if it can happen to her, it can happen to anyone. And, I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it is a difficult thing, human beings should never have to go thru something like this. I know I have struggled, but it is nothing compared to what she is struggling thru, so I just try to be there for her. Like marilyn monroe said (I'll have to paraphrase)"..if they can't stand me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best...!"

Hang in there, he appreciates you.
Luv and hugs, Karin

[Ellen]

Hi,

One other thought: steroids can affect personality...or at least ability to control temper. At one point when I changed chemo regimens they gave me a much higher dose of dexamethasone and I found myself doing/saying and, quite frankly SCREAMING things that I felt "popped out" despite my best intentions...then I'd feel awful about it. I shared this with my counselor and docs and all agreed it was from too many steroids. We cut way back and I haven't had the problem again; at least not to this extreme.

Also, all the meds, (chemo, steroids etc) DO affect the brain just like they affect all the other parts of our bodies. So there certainly could be some resulting personality changes.

Good luck getting to the bottom of this and hope things return to a more normal state soon.

Best,
Ellen

[garbovatwin]

http://www.caring.com/questions/chemo-p ... ty-changes

[Nanette]

Hi Delue,

I think Ellen hit it on the head. Is your husband on a steroid during his chemo? My husband was on Decadron and it made him very nasty, to the point I almost walked out on him. This was not his normal personality.

When we brought this up to his oncologist, he put him on Xanax, which definitely took the edge off. Everytime my husband had a treatment and he would start to get snippy with me, I would tell him to take a pill. He realized it himself and then would take one. Taking the Xanax was a big help and it made him relax.

Hope this helps!
-Nanette

[BrownBagger]

What everyone else has said.

I'm not surprised. In addition to everything else, sometimes I get a little chip on my shoulder, which I do my best to conceal, as in: "What the hell do you know about [whatever I happen to be going through at the moment]" when a loved one is just trying to be helpful and/or supportive." Let's face it, this is a life-threatening and thus, a life-changing experience. We should all be so lucky as to come out unchanged in some way; hopefully for the better.

[helen098]

On chemo I was nasty argumentative and hyper. I have been in the same industry for 21 years and never yelled at a customer, but during chemo this one gut just keep setting me off I fought with him to the point that someone else had to come over and take the call and told me to go get a cup of coffee I was mad and wanted to continue the flight.

My disabled brother said that during chemo I was grumpy like a bear and I think this was true

[hannahw]

Like everyone else, I tend to think steroids and/or the generally crappy you feeling a person gets from being on chemo is probably responsible for the personality change. In the case of the steroids, it's chemical and can't really be helped. In the case of the chemo, I can't blame a person for not putting their best foot forward when they feel like crap. I think we all have days where we feel like "ENOUGH!" but with chemo you might feel that way for months. It's emotionally and physically draining. If it were me, I think meeting standard social standards would probably be the last thing on my mind and I wouldn't feel especially bad about expecting people to adjust to me rather than vice versa.

As a caregiver, there are very few things you have any control over. The thing you have the most control over is you. You probably can't change how the person you care for responds to chemo. But you can change how you respond to the person you care for. Personally, I think it can be helpful for caregivers to get counseling. It can be helpful to have someone to talk to about the changes the person you care for is undergoing. And to learn techniques for coping and adjusting and making the most of what can be a challenging situation.

Often times, I think the struggle of the caregiver goes largely unnoticed. But it is a very difficult role. I'm not saying that in an effort to compare it to something else, nor to justify anything. As a simple statement - Cargiving is hard - is true. Learning how to take care of yourself and to respond effectively to what's hard can be very beneficial for both caregiver and patient.

[John603]

delue,

I have had chemo with Decadron and chemos without Decadron, and I can tell you it was definitely much harder to control my emotions on the steroids. I'm generally low-key and reserved, but it took a tremendous amount of control to not completely blow-up. I can imagine that for someone who isn't a low-key person that it would be very hard to control themselves. I never tried Xanax during these times but I imagine that would be a good option. I have used Xanax for anxious moments and it does help a lot.

[Jon Olis]

Hi Delue,

I think Ellen hit it on the head. Is your husband on a steroid during his chemo? My husband was on Decadron and it made him very nasty, to the point I almost walked out on him. This was not his normal personality.

When we brought this up to his oncologist, he put him on Xanax, which definitely took the edge off. Everytime my husband had a treatment and he would start to get snippy with me, I would tell him to take a pill. He realized it himself and then would take one. Taking the Xanax was a big help and it made him relax.

Hope this helps!
-Nanette

I had the Decadron too, extra dose by mouth with the Emend. On day 6 my emotions would be all over the place. All I wanted to do was punch something. It was very weird. It was like all the drugs I was taking came to a head at once. By day 7 I was fine again.

[Terry]

The term my husband would probably use for me for a couple of days after chemo (not day one or two I just want to be left alone) is Bi atch! I can be a real rag when I don't feel good. I keep telling him if he just wouldn't speak (cuz inadvertantly something stupid always comes out of his mouth) I'd be fine. Poor guy, he's been so patient. That's why for out anniversay (2/28) I bought him a new wedding band with some diamonds in it. Of course he wanted a black powder gun:( MEN, never happy:)

I'm sure after chemo he'll back to himself again, chemo really makes you feel bad and even on the good days you don't feel great. I think hannahw hit it on the head. You can control how you react and if you don't react most likely (I know I do) he'll feel guilty about what he said or how he acted. I always end up apologizing to him.

Hang in there!

[NWgirl]

Oh gosh, I'd forgotten about the dreaded steroids. I had terrible nausea while on chemo, so my oncologist increased my dosage of dexamethazone (sp?) over the 3 days following my FOLFOX infusion. After a couple of treatments like this I started to develop a terrible "short term" depression - it hit me the hardest when I was taking the steroids. Now granted, when you have cancer and you're on chemo, you do get depressed - it comes with the territory. But this was a much deeper depression. I decided to drop the steroids cold turkey and the depression immediately went away. The steroids never did much to help the nausea anyway. I'm sure steroids affect different people in different ways - so yeah, if the personality change is bothersome, this is one thing you might want to look at.