Playing the "Cancer Card"

[Guest]

This may mean different things to different people, but have you done or said something you wouldn't have said if you didn't have cancer?

Example. I teach Geography to high school freshman. One student has been walking in lately reaking of smoke. I made the comment "You should lay off the ciggirates (sp)" and of course he acted like he didn't smoke.

For some reason, I proceded to tell him he should stop, because it would suck if he gets lung cancer when he is 60 or 70, and has to go through chemo. And then I added that chemo sucks, and he should stop smoking.

I didn't say it in those exact words..but you get the point. Later that day, I felt bad for what I said. I felt liked I kinda played the cancer card.

I know I am in a unique situation, because what I'm going through could very well teach the kids something, but I still felt kinda guilty later.

Anyway, I was wondering how other people played their cancer card??

[Molly]

I was on my way to chemo with my Mom and turned right on red where I shouldn't have. (Chemo brain - duh!) Cop pulled me over and i pulled the cancer card and told him I was on my way to the hospital for chemotherapy. Didn't even feel guilty about it ...but he should have! I got a freaking ticket!

[rthornton]

When I was in my first line of treatment, I used to be admitted to the hospital for three days at a time to get continuous infusions of 5FU. After one such stay, I went to dinner with my father and roommate. It was very crowded at the restaurant, and there was a line to get seated, but I told the hostess that I was a cancer patient who had just gotten out of a hospital stay for chemotherapy that day and I was just sooooo tired, and would love to get the soonest possible seat. It was all true, and I even offered to show her my chemotherapy port (she declined). We got the next table. Then, one day shortly after I had a recurrence, a friend kept going on about how she was upset because her boyfriend hadn't called her in a couple of days. I just shrugged and said "that's really upsetting .. by the way, I have cancer again." I can't deny enjoying one-upping her in that conversation.

Sometimes it can fun to use the cancer card (I like to say "invoking the membership").

[missjv]

HI,
WELL I HAVE A GOOD ONE. I WAS LEAVING CHEMO ON MY WAY TO CAR WITH MY LITTLE CHEMO BUDDY PACK ATTATCHED TO MY CHEST AND THERE IN THE PARKING LOT WERE 2 PEOPLE WHO I SAW INSIDE CHEMO ROOM SAME TIME I WAS THERE GETTING THEIR CHEMO FOR WHAT EVER TYPE OF CANCER THEY HAVE A DAMN IT IF THEY WEREN'T BOTH PUFFING AWAY ON CIGGERETTES. I SAID WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? IM THERE TRYING TO SAVE MY YOUNG LIFE AND HERE ARE 2 PEOPLE WITH CANCER SMOKING I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT SO I TOLD THEM WHAT IDIOTS THEY WERE AND THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. NOW I WAS A SMOKER YEARS AGO AND YES I ENJOYED MY SMOKES BUT HOW CAN ANYONE GOING THROUGH CHEMO EVEN THINK OF LIGHTING UP? THE ONE LADY SAID SHE JUST COULDN'T QUIT AND I SAID WHY GO THROUGH CHEMO IF YOUR GOING TO STAND THERE AND KILL YOURSELF? THEY BOTH LOOKED LIKE THE WALKING DEAD TO START WITH, SMOKING DOES TERRIBLE THINGS TO YOUR BODY WHEN YOU ARE HEALTHY I CAN IMAGINE WHAT IT DOES MIXED WITH CHEMO DRUGS. SO THAT WAS MY CANCER LECTURE AND I HAVE ALSO SAID THINGS TO MY YOUNG NEIGHBOR WHO HIDES BY OUR BIG TREE TO SMOKE SO HER MOM DOESN'T SEE BUT SHE IS 17 AND THINKS SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING SO IT DOESN'T HELP.



MISSJV

[Jeremiah]

I think pulling the "cancer card" is completely lame. But, using it in good fun/humor is great.

My wife and I have discovered that a good sense of humor is essential during such a difficult time. We often joke around with each other about out it. She will often pull the "i gave birth" card alot which ALWAYS gets trumped by the "cancer card".

[Jeremiah]

I clarify that I think pulling the card is lame because you never know the situation of the person you are pulling the card on.

For example, that hostess that seats you to whom you pulled the card on?? You don't know if she just had a death in her family...or is suffering from some terminal illness...or whatever. That is the reason I can't bring myself to pull the card. I realize that there is ALWAYS someone out there that is in worse shape than I am in and/or who has had a more unfortunately series of events happen to them than me.

[rthornton]

Interesting point, but at the time there was a wait for tables and I simply told the hostess I'd just gotten out of the hospital and really was tired from a cancer treatment, and was curious if I could get a seat sooner (if not, that would have been fine, I'd just have gone home and slept). Standing in line for a table at Outback just after getting disconnected from 5FU was not an option! She was accomodating, so it was fine (and we were also frequent guests so I knew her - it wasn't like I was trying to make her weep for me). I'm not saying it's admirable, but the thread is about pulling the cancer card and that was one time that I did. Now the thing with my roommate's boyfriend not calling her ... that was a different thing altogether. I reserve the right to antagonize my roommate as much as I want, with or without cancer.

[Molly]

Rodney, don't feel bad. I've done it a million times and I'll keep doing it. I've done it for humor. I've done it to smokers....and I've done it to weenies who make it sound like their lives are the worst in the world...or say stupid things. It's so true that someone out there always has it worse. Just have to be careful who you say it to and when. My nephew, for example, was diagnosed a few years after me with another form of cancer. He was 12 and some moron made a remark about him thinking he was a badass because he was wearing a doo-rag. (He lost all his hair with his chemo and radiation.) An earful to someone like that can go a long way.

...and my personal favorite? Erika can relate! "Hey. It could be worse. You could have ass cancer!"

[Monique]

The last time I was in a drugstore purchasing some vitamins in an effort to combat the lingering effects of Oxaliplatin, a woman in a wheelchair scooted up to me and said, “Hey you, with the short hair, can you help me.” (Note the lack of a question mark.) For the next fifteen minutes I followed her around the store bending and stooping to read the price of a bar of soap, a magazine, a box of detergent, etc.. Under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be any big deal but due to joint pain, my knees were in absolute agony and every time I squatted down to read a price tag I thought I was going to topple over sideways. Finally, the woman released me from her clutches, saying in a somewhat angry and accusatory voice, “You’re very lucky to be so young and healthy.” What I FELT like saying, but ultimately didn’t say, was this, “I am not young and nor am I particularly healthy. You’re in a wheelchair. I have cancer. So be it.” Instead I stupidly mumbled, “My knees hurt,” which really pissed the woman off. I actually don’t blame her.

Last week I was reading an online cancer blog written by a young man suffering from melanoma. One Sunday, a couple of months into his treatment, he and his wife decided to attend church. Due to a shaven head and some scars the young man decided to wear a hat. This is a big No-No in church and an older man let him know, by telling the young man that his apparel was considered uncouth. The young man replied, “I have cancer.” Indeed.

[Dave]

The oncology building and the sports rehab building where I’ve been getting some of my treatment share a central parking lot. One morning this past fall, while walking up to the oncology building for my daily dose of radiation, another fellow who arrived about the same time, was walking beside me, headed to the sports rehab building. Me being Mr. Friendly said how’s it going and what a what a wonderful morning it was, he quickly and rather angrily replied that we were both missing work and going to the doctors, how wonderful can it be? I lifted up my shirt showed him my Chemo pump, and said; well at least your not going to the cancer building. He stuttered and said damn I guess your right, it is a pretty nice morning, I think I snapped him out of his self pity for at least a few minutes.

Dave

[Terry Miller]

When dealing with my smoking students, I pull out the Cancer Card, the emphysema card, the COPD card, the chronic bronchitis card, the gooey plegm card, the you'll never get lucky with the best looking women card....whatever it takes. Up until last Friday, I used the "my mom is dying from cigarettes" card. I stopped when she died from cigarettes. My daughters got grandma to quit smoking 25 years ago and I'm sure that added many years onto her life. She was thethered to the oxygen generator for the past 8 years...the quality of life surely goes downhill when that happens. I have to believe that she would have lived many more years had not cigarettes been a part of her teenage years up through her late 50's. Through it all, she taught her kids very well...none of us smoked. She was a 12 year survivor of colon cancer which probably helped me to recognize the trouble that I was in prior to being diagnosed. And, it probably helped the GI doctor to go through with the colonoscopy when he did. Incidentally Molly, 7 years ago I got stopped for speeding and I pulled out the cancer card in an effort to avoid the ticket. The state trooper told me he was glad I was feeling better as he handed me the citation. Nice try Terry!
I'm usually very blunt when talking to kids about smoking. Unfortunately, it's almost impossible to fight the social and poverty considerations. But we are obligated to try!

Terry

[bossan]

Great Topic everyone, funny replies!

Playing the cancer card;

On my (adult) kids- All the time. I get so much food brought to me and the bathroom cleaned, doggie walked, groceries done etc..all I have to do is look sad, and boom I get what I want from them.

On close friends- Not really, they are all very attentive anyways. Besides, unlike my boys, they didn't take me on the roller coaster that is child rearing no need for paybacks.

On the IRS and/or state gov, cops or city officials-Waddaya think? It didn't work on a ticket I got for not wearing a seatbelt.

At the Chemo Clinic- "I'm stage IV and I'm in a lot of pain. I would really prefer a bed to a chair for infusion today." I do get preferential treatment some of the time.

At Work (I'm a musician)-Everybody carries everything for me at gigs, plus, chicks feel sorry for a cancer ridden guitarist, I get to see more stuff I tease my students that they better get those exercises together, I haven't got time....

On the wife- Absolutely, but it only lasted the first few weeks
I think she caught on when I expressed a possible interest in a multiple lesbian orgy fantasy as a last, dying wish (J/K)