My friends, my Mum is finally in her last stages

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Mali
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Mar 04, 2006 5:41 pm
Location: United Kingdom

My friends, my Mum is finally in her last stages

Postby Mali » Mon Jan 15, 2007 6:15 pm

Hello everyone

It's 11pm and there's a nurse downstairs arranged by the health trust. I won't stay long as I have 2 letters still to write to my son's school but I feel a burning desire to check in with you.

My darling Mum is in her last stages. In the last month she has been from hospital, to home, to the hospice and then to another hospital. They put her on steroids, but she reacted badly to them. My intelligent, beautiful, young and energetic mother became anxious and stressed. She began to lose all logic and sense. She developed a paranoia and mania and was convinced there were plots against her and the family. Deciding that the steroids didn't suit her, she was taken off them.

She called us on the phone this morning and insisted we speak Italian as people at the hospital would understand what we were saying if we didn't. She insisted she leave the hospital and so we went to get her. My darling Mum was in her cot, a large woman, shrunken and almost part of her bed, lying on her side and grasping the side bars, holding onto them for dear life.

She discharged herself and on coming home everything has become pandemonium, in terms of new faces and phone calls from people we don't know. We've had nurses galore come to the house, assessing her and planning support. They will come in 4 times a day to wash and change her. There will be a night nurse so that we can sleep for the next seven days.

The support will not be every night (the night nurse that is) but they will try as often as possible.

My sweet Mum. She is enclosed in her own world. She sees things we can't see. There was a cushion on the sofa that the health services gave us and she pointed at it and asked if she could go for a ride on it. At another moment, she pointed at her desk mirror. Dad gave it to her and she tried to drink from it. She pointed at her sick bowl. And I thought she wanted to vomit. I gave her the bowl and she put it to her lips to drink from.

She muttered continuously. Some things clear, but not many. She smiled at me today and melted my heart away. For one second, she saw her daughter and smiled.

All of a sudden, as if from nowhere angels in the form of health service workers are descending on us. We are getting support. But i'm worried that after the initial 7-10 days service finishes and they go to an agency, that the agency workers may not be of the standard of the health service workers. You hear so much about agency workers.

My Mum is in her last stages. Her death is happening. I hope to God that I go forward with confidence and strength into the future of my life. And I hope that I will have health. My son needs me to be here as much and as long as possible.

My wonderful lovely mother, is already lost to me. She is here physically but her mind is withdrawing. In one way she is lost to me, but in another she is still here and I cherish every moment that I can look on her. My darling Mum, how I love you.

God bless you Mum, and keep you safe, so safe.

Love to you all, my friends at Colon Club. The only ones outside my direct family who will ever truely understand.

Good night
Mali.

Thelma
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2005 9:03 am
Location: Denver,PA

Postby Thelma » Mon Jan 15, 2007 6:33 pm

My dear Mali, My heart goes out to you and your family.This is pretty much what we went through with my Mother for the last six weeks of her life.We also had a few very special moments when she truly recognized us-you will cherish them forever. It is so very difficult to watch-I felt the same way-she was already gone from us at that point. When my son started to lose his fight,I prayed to God he would not suffer like my Mother had.God was good-my son had about two bad weeks,physically painful for him but mentally he was fine until the very end. I will continue to pray for you and your family.It is so very difficult to stay strong for your loved one at this point, but you can do it.Many hugs and prayers! Thelma
Thelma

Mali
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Mar 04, 2006 5:41 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Postby Mali » Mon Jan 15, 2007 6:51 pm

Thelma

Thank you and God bless.

I'm going to bed now. It's midnight in England and the nurse wakes us at 06:00.

I'll be in touch.

Mali

I often think of you and the story of your boy. He truely had his mother's unending love. God bless.

margotmagoo
Posts: 77
Joined: Sat Oct 07, 2006 11:10 am
Location: California

Postby margotmagoo » Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:48 pm

Mali,
I just wanted to tell you how touched I was by your tribute to your mom. It brought back a flood of memories of when my aunt passed....I witnessed many of the things that you mentioned. It is a distressing time to see your once vibrant loved one in that state....but, strangely, it is also a peaceful and reflective time. I am so sorry that your mom has succumbed to this terrible disease. I know that your last days with your mom will be filled with loving moments and I wish you strength...
Margot
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take....but rather by the number of moments that take our breath away"
Diagnosed January 2006 with stage IIIc at age 40.

janb
Posts: 154
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:21 pm
Location: Somers, Connecticut
Contact:

Postby janb » Mon Jan 15, 2007 10:20 pm

Mali,
May God comfort you during this difficult time. You have done some wonderful things for your mother and in time, these memories will bring a smile to your face, something to be cherished for eternity. Your mother is very proud of you. Close your eyes and listen to the music.
I'm praying for God to comfort you as He is your mom.
Jan
Together....we can make a difference!
www.whereintheworldisgregkelley.com

Magnolia
Posts: 1514
Joined: Fri Jul 14, 2006 2:38 pm
Location: Virginia

Postby Magnolia » Mon Jan 15, 2007 11:29 pm

Mali, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. My family was going through this just exactly a year ago with my cousin and your post sounded so familiar to me. My heart is with you. I wish your mother special peace during this time. God bless you all.

Pollyanna
Posts: 41
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 10:28 pm
Location: Richmond, BC

Postby Pollyanna » Tue Jan 16, 2007 12:54 am

Mali:

I haven't been coming to the Colon Club for too long, but one of the things that's always struck me about all your posts is that you can be so strong and so tender at the same time. Now you will need both, in bucketsful, and I pray this for you - strength and love. You are an amazing lady, an amazing daughter, and I'm betting an amazing mom.

We're all around you, giving you the support you need. Take good care.

Shelley

LA8

Postby LA8 » Tue Jan 16, 2007 4:54 am

Hi, Mali. Your mum reminds me so much of when my Dad passed away. He went away to hes own little world also. I think that at that stage of our lives we are given an insight into what lies ahead. I think your Mum knows whats ahead, and if she's smiling she's probably quite happy about her upcoming adventure. I'd wager that her only worry at this stage is for you and your family. She'll probably hang on as long as she can for your sake, and then when she's good and ready she'll go. Please hang in there and be as strong as you can!

Mali
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Mar 04, 2006 5:41 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Postby Mali » Tue Jan 16, 2007 7:34 am

You are all so wonderful. You can never know how much peace and warmth your words bring to me.

They are like the warm caressing arms I so often refer to.

Thank you, thank you a million times. All of you.

You are dear to me.

Mali.

User avatar
Sweet Peg
Posts: 158
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:11 am
Location: Iowa
Contact:

Postby Sweet Peg » Tue Jan 16, 2007 7:38 am

My prayers and thoughts are with you, your family and your Mum Mali. God gave us a great gift when He gave us memories. Cherish them and down the road you will have wonderful memories of your mum and see her smile remembering and loving you. I know there is nothing I can really say right now to help during this time, but maybe a heartfelt HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG will help a little. We all love you and are here for you.

Peg

northern lights
Posts: 127
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:48 am
Location: Yellowknife, Northwest Territories

Postby northern lights » Tue Jan 16, 2007 1:40 pm

Mali,

My heart goes out to you. Your mother is so lucky to have you there with her and you are lucky to have such a strong relationship with her. I wish for peace for you both and strength as you journey through this transition. My prayers are with you.

Sharon
Diagnosed Stage III Jan 06. Completed Treatment Oct 06. NED Dec 06,

Guest

From Dot

Postby Guest » Tue Jan 16, 2007 6:43 pm

Hi Mali;

So sorry to hear about your Mom. She and all of you have been through so much. I am glad that she is able to spend more time at home with all of you. This is probably the time you will need to be at your strongest; not only for your Mom and Dad, but also for your son.

It is good that there are support services available to help. But, don't forget to come to this site if Mali needs the support. We are always there for you. You may not know it, but it was because of people like you and Dana that gave me the support when I needed it the most and I will never forget all you have done for me. Please know that across the ocean I am sending you a big hug and prayers for all of you.

God Bless,
Your Friend
Dot

NICK THE BRIT
Posts: 161
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 5:45 am
Location: BIRMINGHAM ENGLAND

Postby NICK THE BRIT » Wed Jan 17, 2007 9:13 am

Mali your in my thoughts and prayers

Nick

tandy24
Posts: 124
Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 7:48 pm
Facebook Username: Lisa Tandy
Location: Florida

Postby tandy24 » Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:52 am

May GOD give you strenght through this very rough time. You are in my thougths and prayers.
God Bless and Believe,

Dana
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 3:39 am
Location: Italy

PREGO PER TE

Postby Dana » Thu Jan 18, 2007 3:34 am

MALI,

I read your post yesterday but coudn't answer. I've been thinking of you ever since and you can't imagine how much I would love to be with you.
They are terrible moments.
I'm writing through CC as I reckon you don't have much time to check emails.
Your post has brought back my memory to those last days. I keep thinking of my mother's last moments (now I know we were lucky she went so fast in just a few days) and how she had changed. The beautiful, independent, loving mother was fading away but her soul was still there, she was still with us. I still had her. Those last 2 days are what gave me strenghth to go on. She wasn't with us but then I would talk to her and she would whisper my name..... I felt her love for me till the end.
I don't know why I'm saying this... Remember she is always with you, she'll hang on to life with all her strenghth. Even if she knows she'll feel better again at God's side she doesn't want to leave you.
I thought my mother was trying to make it to my brother's 40th birthday, I knew she couldn't leave us before that day. Now I know she was waiting for me to return. I had left on the sunday because I couldn't get days off at school. On monday, the following day, I was called to return immediately. I arrived on monday evening (I live 600kms away). My mum was in a coma. No reaction for hours. I spoke to her and she opened her blue eyes and stared at me. We communicated like this for hours. Me asking questions and her flicking her eyes. All in the room couldn't believe it.
She died at 7 am on tuesday. Now I know she needed more time to give me love, to give me strenghth.... She knew I had to be the strongest. Hard times were ahead.

Mali, terrible moments are ahead but I assure you that you will always feel her besides you. She'll give you strenghth.

All for now
Ti abbraccio amica carissima
Dana

P:S. Dot, if you are reading this I must thank you for your kind words. You can't imagine how much strenghth you gave me. I turned to you all, and here is where I found comfort, understanding and love.

With all my love to you all
Dana


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